Branch Jokes

What branch of the military are horses in?

The NaaaaayyyVY

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Why was the tree in prison?

Because it broke every branch of the law.

What did the poplar tree say to the weeping willow?

Hey pal, you just need to branch out more.

What branch of the military did the hipster join?

The Salvation Army.

Why was the sapling such a horrible entrepreneur?

Because he couldn't branch out.

Why did I join Twitter?

Well I was sick of only being hated by coworkers and family so I wanted to branch out.

What bank do birds open accounts with?

The one with the most branches!

Why did the monkey trip over the branch?

Because the Chimp-Can't -See

What did the tree do when the bank closed?

It started its own branch

Why do trees have so many friends?

They branch out

Why are branches attached to trees?

Because they stick

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Weep Willow Jokes More Weep Willow Jokes

What did the poplar tree say to the weeping willow?

Hey pal, you just need to branch out more.

What do you call Will Smith's crying daughter?

A weeping Willow.

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

How does a lawyer sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other. Credit: Nicholas Sparks from his book 'See Me' which I am reading now.

Why are you reading the last pages of your history book first?

Pupil: I want to know how it ends!

Solve Jokes More Solve Jokes

What does a cow use to solve math problems?

A *cow*culater. I made it up myself, so don't groan at the pun.

How do mathematicians solve constipation?

They just work it out with a pencil!

Government Jokes More Government Jokes

How do the Russian people feel about their government?

They're Putin up with it.

Why is everyone mad at Kim Davis?

Nobody in the government does their job.

Chef Jokes More Chef Jokes

What did the chef say when he was skipped in rotation?

Hey that's my toque!!

Why was the chef mad?

He had all the money in the world, but no thyme.

People Jokes More People Jokes

What do you call a group of singing people floating around in the ocean?

An acappellago

Why do people paint eggs for Easter?

Bunnies squirm too much.

Coworker Jokes More Coworker Jokes

Why did I join Twitter?

Well I was sick of only being hated by coworkers and family so I wanted to branch out.

Why should I let you into heaven?

Me: Once a coworker said "supposably" 7 times in a meeting & I just let her StP: Get in here

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

How do you get a one armed Italian out of a tree?

You talk to him!

Why are riddles about trees so hard?

Because they always leave you stumped!