Sit Jokes

I'm sitting there typing and the battery drains, does this ever happen to you? So this little message pops up: Plug in or find another power source. Do you get that message? What other power source are they talking about? Well, I can't find that cable, so I'll go ahead and plug in to the hamster wheel generator I keep just in case. That's my other power source.

What do you call a cat sitting on the edge of a cliff?

A precipuss.

What do you call a bunch of cats sitting in a circle?

The purr-rimiter.

What does a mathematician do about constipation?

Sits down and works it out with a pencil.

What sits in the corner of the room, crying and getting smaller and smaller?

A baby combing it's hair with a vegetable peeler.

What do you call Christopher Walken when he is sitting?

Christopher Sitten

What do you call a group of millionaires sitting around watching the NBA finals?

The Lakers. (Laker fan here. Sorry prob would have been more appropriate last week during the finals.) Edit: I heard this some where the other day. I can't take credit for the joke.

Why do hens sit on eggs?

Because they're too poor to afford chairs.

Why did the burger sit beside the telephone?

Incase onion rings

Why was the blonde girl sitting on the roof?

Someone told her drinks were on the house.

What do you call 5 white guys sitting on a bench?

The NBA

What is the difference between a blonde and a hen?

The blonde doesn't sit still when she is on eggs.

What does an Arctic wildlife photographer get from sitting around too long?

Polaroids.

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray.

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, a dyslexic, and an agnostic?

Some guy sitting up all night wondering if there really is a dog

What's Irish and sits on a deck?

Patty O'Furniture

What did the Triceratops sit on?

Its Tricerabottom.

What sits at the bottom of the ocean and shakes?

A nervous wreck!

Where do the Baltimore Ravens sit?

On The Wire.

What is Irish and sits on the porch?

Patty O'Furniture

What's Irish and sits by the pool?

Paddy O'Furniture

What do you call a girl who's sitting in the middle of a tennis court?

Annette.

What do you call a number that won't sit still?

A roamin' numeral.

What sits in the middle of the world wide web?

A very very big spider!

What do you calll a woman that people sit on?

Cher!

What do you call a dragon that can't sit still?

A wiggle wyrm.

What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs, and sits in a pile of leaves?

Russell.

What can you sit on, sleep on, and brush your teeth with?

A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush.

How does an elephant get down from a tree?

He sits on a leaf and waits till autumn!

What do you call the Moon spirit that at once sits upon a lake of glowing jade and exists nestled within our divine souls?

Altha'or syzygena

Why does the Statue of Liberty stand in New York harbour?

Pupil: Because it can't sit down!

How did Humpty Dumpty get ripped?

Wall-sits.

Who hurt you?

Unless you want to sit through a 13 hour PowerPoint presentation.

How do you know when you're at a hillbilly wedding?

Everyone is sitting on the same side of the church.

Why are you guys all sitting on the same side of the table?

DaVinci

What do you call it when the Russian president sits on a box of crackers?

Putin on the Ritz

What kind of monster can sit on the end of your finger?

The bogeyman.

Why can't you play cards on a small boat?

Because someone is always sitting on the deck.

What was the first think Queen Elizabeth did on ascending to the throne?

Sat down!

What sits at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A drowning epileptic.

What's blue, small and sits in a corner?

A baby with its hand in the power socket.

What did the baby chick say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?

Dad dad look what marma-laid'!

Whose parrot sits on his shoulder shouting "Pieces of four"?

Short John Silver!

What did the puppy say when he sat on sand paper?

RUFF!

How does Frankenstein sit in his chair?

Bolt upright.

What do you call a guy in a suit sitting in a tree?

Branch Manager

Why's a pretty girl like you sitting all alone?

Me: I peed my pants.

Why do chickens sit on their eggs?

Because they don't have chairs.

What is green and sits crying in the corner?

The incredible Sulk.

When crossing the Delaware River why did George Washington stand up in the boat?

He was afraid that if he sat down that someone would give him an oar to row!

What is the difference between a hog and a man?

A hog doesn't have to sit in a bar and buy drinks all night just so he can f*** some pig.

Why can't Sweden win a race?

Because, it always sits right behind the Finnish line

How did you prepare for today?

Red carpet question with "Cocaine and sit ups." #GoldenGlobes

What does the NFL season and the national anthem have in common?

Kaepernick is gonna sit through them both.

What kind of a fish does your Parrot sit on?

A Perch!

What do you call a group of white people sitting on the bench?

A basketball team.

What do you call 5 cats sitting on top of each other?

A caterpillar

What do you call 3 agnostics sitting at a bar?

I don't know.

What Happened when the girl sat on Lance Armstrong's lap?

She had a ball

What's E.T short for?

Because he's got little legs. But seriously, what does ET stand for Because he can't sit down.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs...... sitting at your door?

Matt....floating in your pool Bob....hanging on your wall Art.... water skiing Skipper.

How do frogs manage to lay so many eggs?

They sit eggsaminations!

What's up?

Boy: If I tell you, will you sit on it

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Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

What shoes do roosters wear?

Chickenstocks

Why did the scale not wear any of his shirts?

Because they all had a tare

Fridge Jokes More Fridge Jokes

Why did little Johnny fall off the swing?

He didn't have arms. Why did little Sarah fall off her bike Someone threw a fridge at her.

What's the difference between a married man and a bachelor?

A bachelor will go to the fridge, sees nothing he wants, and go to bed A married man will go the bed, sees nothing he wants, and go the fridge!

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What's updog?

Mom: Just waking you up for school, dog, what's up wit u Dad (from hallway): OWNED

How do you keep a dog from barking in your front yard?

Put him in your back yard.

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

What did the kangaroo say when her baby was missing?

Help! My pocket's been picked!

How are new marriages just like LOST?

The Significant Others just want babies.

Card Jokes More Card Jokes

What does marriage have in common with a deck of cards?

In the beginning, you only need two hearts and a diamond. Later on, a club and a spade.

What's your funniest yet least known joke?

I have a friend that absolutely loves cheesy, question and answer jokes and I wanna make a card with a list of them! The problem is that she knows just about every joke known to man so I challenge you to give me hilarious, short jokes that aren't very widely known. Make me laugh!

Hole Jokes More Hole Jokes

Sit Jokes

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Why didn't the table want to be sat on?

How do you stop all the protests and riots?

Why couldn't the pirate play cards?

What do you call a 1,000 pound woman sitting on a bar stool?

What happened to the guy who farted in church?

How do you stop the protests in Charlotte?

What's red and sits in the corner?

What do cows sit on?

What sits in the kitchen and gets smaller and smaller?

What would be funny about Hillary as president?

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

Why does Black Widow love sitting on Captain America's shield?

Why are European cars the lightest?

Where does Arnie sit at the movies?

Why did Thor sit comfortably on a cactus?

What does Yao Ming stand for?

What's Irish and sits on a porch?

What's blue and sits on the toilet?

Why are none talking in the ladies sauna?

What shakes and sits at the bottom of the ocean?

What do you get when you sit under a cow?

We've Got This Love Thing Down

What's pink and sits on a piano chair?

How do you know you are sitting next to a ski instructor?

What happens to eskimos who sit on the ice too long?

What's Irish and sits on your lawn?

Where does Sean Connery sit?

What's brown and sits on a piano bench?

How do you get 4 girls to sit on one chair?

What do drug dealers sit on?

What is the one thing wrong with a Piles joke?

What sits down but doesn't get back up?

I Love Pizza & You

Whats red and sits in the corner?

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?

How many nihilists does it take to change a lightbulb?

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice?

Why do I always sit in the back of an airplane?

What's big and green and sits in the corner?

What's the deal with my laptop?