How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?

Hide the ball it drives them nuts!

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Garden Jokes More Garden Jokes

What's the best part about gardening?

Getting down and dirty with your hoes.

What do you call an epileptic frolicking in a garden?

Seizure salad.

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

What did the Hollywood producer say to the Apes in the zoo when they refused to sign contracts to appear in his new film?

Stop playing it cagey!

How do you get your girlfriend to stop smoking?

Slow down and use some lube

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

What do you get when you play a Frank Sinatra record at twice the speed?

Shrank Sinatra

Why didn't the panda use a glove when playing baseball?

Because he caught everything bear handed!

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

Why did Jesus have to walk everywhere?

He drove a Ford.

What is the most popular vehicle in South America?

They drive alpacars.

Ball Jokes More Ball Jokes

Why did the football team sack the hairy goalkeeper?

Because he rarely shaved the balls.

Why was the Narwhal kicked off the volleyball team?

He was always spiking the ball.

Hide Jokes More Hide Jokes

What if we need to hide bodies?

Me: I love you.

Why do elephants paint their toe nails red?

So they can hide in cherry trees. You've never seen an elephant in a cherry tree? They're pretty good at it.

Football Jokes More Football Jokes

Whats the similarity between Monkey in the Middle and Football?

Both of the groups that are concered about the health of someone playing both begin with the letter P.

What did the football say to the football player?

I get a kick out of you.

Squirrel Jokes More Squirrel Jokes

How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?

Hide the ball it drives them nuts!

How are a piano and a squirrel alike?

They both aren't artichokes