Drive Jokes

Why did nobody in the Soviet Union drive manual cars?

They were afraid of Stalin'

April Sale

What do you call the pope after a drive by?

Your holiness

Why did the Amish woman divorce her husband?

Because he was driving her buggy.

What is the difference between St. Patrick and Christopher Columbus?

One drove all the snakes from Ireland, the other drove away all of the Native Americans.

Why can it be so annoying to drive a Skoda?

The Czech engine light is always on.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she didn't have any arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Definitely not Sally. Why did Jimmy drop his ice cream? He was hit by a truck Why didn't the truck turn out of the way? Sally Was driving

What do the Montreal Canadians drive?

Carrs.

What's something you can drive, but also throw?

A Fit!!!!!!!!!!

Why did the witch get a car with manual transmission?

Because she prefers to drive stick!

Why do Americans get manuals when buying a new car?

I thought they only drive automatic

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We've Got This Love Thing Down

$5.99

Why did everyone turn away when the race car drove past?

It had a SPOILER on it.

Why didn't George like driving through tunnels with people in his car?

He didn't want to get carpool tunnel syndrome.

Why is a beer like a woman?

After you drink one you can't shut up or drive.

What do you call a trucker that doesn't drive anymore?

Semi-retired.

What do you call a car that you only drive in the fall?

An autumn-mobile.

Who earns a living driving their customers away?

A taxi driver

What did C: drive say to D: drive?

Wow you looked shocked.

Why do they put half of the instructions in Spanish?

It drives me crazy. I feel like I am missing out on important information. They should put the whole thing in one language.

Why are boats being driven into the side of the lake?

It's ram a dam

What kind of cars do jedis drive?

A toy-

$Your Age Is Only Math$

April Sale

What happens when you text while driving?

I don't know, I've never tri

Why did Soviet dictator always drive an automatic transmission?

He was always Stalin in his manual!

What kind of car does Jesus drive?

A Christler.

What car does Luke Skywalker drive?

A Toyoda

What do Driving Testers and Vegetarians have in common?

They are both very pedantic

What kind of car does Yoda drive?

A Toy-Yoda

Why did the siamese twins moved to England?

So the other one would also drive

What's the difference between a 4WD and a rental car?

A rental car can drive anywhere.

How do you ask an Uber driver if he drives for Lyft, too?

Do you even Lyft bro?

What do you get in the Netherlands, when you fail your driving test three times?

A yellow license plate.

How do you tell who loves you more. Your wife or your dog?

Put both of them in the trunk of your car...drive around...open the trunk and see who is happy to see you.

Why did the midget who drove British cars get cabin fever?

He was mini cooped up for to long.

Why does the philosopher have an automatic car..?

Because he Kant drive Immanuel.

What's 6 inches long and 2 inches wide and drives women wild?

Deez nuts

What's 6 inches long and 2 inches wide and drives women wild?

A 100$ bill

What car does Boba Fett drive?

A ManDeLorean.

Why does the prosecutor only choose jurors who drive Hummers?

So that there's no chance of a hung jury

Why couldn't the BMW fit into a narrow parking stall at Target?

Because it was being driven by a woman

What did the guy on LSD say while driving on the highway?

Woah, the traffic is moving.

What can hunger do that a woman simply can't?

Drive me to the grocery store.

What is 90-60-90?

Speed while driving past a speed camera.

Why is a raven like a writing desk?

Because they both drove Edgar Allen Poe straight into the grave.

How do you know when you're too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and realize it was your air freshener

What did Matthew McConaughey yell at the drive that was about to miss his turn?

A right a right a right!

How do you turn fruits into vegetables?

Drive a bus through a pride parade

How long does it take to drive across France?

3 days by panzer

What did Saint Patrick say as he drove the snakes out of Ireland?

Are ye alright in the back there lads?

What car do polite cowboys drive?

Audi!

What did the pirate say when his wife kept asking him about the steering wheel in his pants?

Yargg! Woman! Stop asking me! You're driving me nuts!

Whose fault is it?

His fault. He shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.

What do you call an Arab man who drives a bus?

A bus driver.

What is the most popular vehicle in South America?

They drive alpacars.

What kind of car does god drive?

A Christler

What do you call an Hispanic gentleman who drives a hybrid car?

A green bean.

What did the pirate say with the steering wheel in his pants?

Arrgh, it's driving me nuts!

Who's to blame?

The motorist. He really shouldn't be driving in the kitchen. (Edit: formatting)

What did the Irishman say about the RC car tied to his scrotum?

It drives me nuts.

Why is owning a Prius difficult?

It's hard to drive when you're patting yourself on the back all the time.

What do you do if you are driving your car in central Manhattan and you see a space man?

Park in it, of course.

What did the pirate say about the steering wheel in his pants?

Arrg, it's driving me nuts!

What drove the British mystery fan insane?

He lost his Marples.

What type of car would Jesus drive?

A Chrysler

How do Russians drive to Alaska?

By bearing straight

Why does pasta always have to pay so much for car insurance?

Because it can't drive a car without making it all denty.

What did the pirate say after his first-mate stuck the wheel in his pants?

ARGHH! You're driving me nuts!

What's the difference between a tea cup and pea cup?

A teacup is what the British drink out of and a pea cup is what the Mexicans drive.

Why did the virus get a ticket?

Because he was driving under the influenza......

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs driving a car?

Rex (made this one up myself!)

How do you keep your hair from blowing everywhere when you drive in a convertible?

Cross your legs

What's the difference between a golf ball and a Ford?

You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.

Why do girls prefer to drive auto cars, instead of manual?

Because they want the D.

Whats the best place to drive to in Iowa?

The Middle. That way, you're always driving out of Iowa.

What type of car does a Loch Ness Monster Drive?

A nissan

Why did the snail paint an S on the back of his car?

So when he drove by people would say, "Hey, look at that S car go!"

What is six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?

A hundred dollar bill.

What did the pirate say after he pulled a steering wheel out of his pants?

It's driving me nuts!

Why did the Siamese twins move to England?

So the one on the right could drive for a change.

Who me?

Ohhh, I'm just driving around town, painting "free candy" on the side of creepy looking vans.

Why did the engineer drive the backwards?

He had a loco motive.

What does an apple and an apple tree have in common?

They both don't drive tractors.

Why did the bank drive-up window teller have tire tread marks across the back of his grey suit?

From crawling across the street when the sign said: "Don't Walk."

What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman?

The car salesman can probably drive!

How did a blind man drive his car?

One hand on the wheel the other on the road.

How did a blind woman drive herself crazy?

A. Trying to read a stucco wall.

How can you drive so recklessly?

Driver: I have to this is a getaway car.

Why couldn't Stevie Wonder drive the bus?

There's no steering wheel in the back of the bus.

How's my driving?

Sticker on her car. Her phone hasn't stopped ringing since.

Who's at fault?

The man, he should't have been driving in the kitchen.;3

Why did the grocery delivery guy get fired?

He drove people bananas!

When driving through fog what should you use?

Your car.

What do you call a ship that drives itself?

Auto-pirate.

How do you know when you are too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and then realise it was your air freshener..

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Car Jokes More Car Jokes

Why did the blind guy crashed his car into another car?

Because he forgot to check his blind side.

What is a banged-up used car?

A car in first-crash condition.

Allow Jokes More Allow Jokes

Why aren't you allowed alcohol on a golf course?

Because it's a crime to drink and drive.

Why parents don't allow their children to listen to M. Jackson songs?

Because they are very touching

Good Place Jokes More Good Place Jokes

Whats the biggest difference between men and women?

The phrase I went through a whole box of tissues watching that film. is a good place to start.

What is the best place for politicians?

Election posters. There they are portable, silent and easy to remove.

Iowa Jokes More Iowa Jokes

What did the Siamese twins from Iowa tell their date?

It's February 1st. You going to caucas or not

How do people in Iowa get elections?

By watching corn!

Michael J. Fox Jokes More Michael J. Fox Jokes

What's black and all over the place?

Michael J Fox's signature.

How do you turn a cobra into a rattlesnake?

Give it to Michael J Fox

Middle Jokes More Middle Jokes

What do you call a man in the middle of the ocean with no arms or legs?

Bob

Why is 10 traumatized forever?

Because he was right in the middle of 9-11.

Black Man Jokes More Black Man Jokes

The yellow man lives in the yellow house. The purple man lives in the purple house. The red man in the red house. And the blue man in the blue house. So who lives in the White House? The black man. It's better in person, I'm so sorry.

What do you call four black men in a red sleeping bag?

A Kit-Kat.

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

How are women and computers the same?

Neither take your 3.5 inch floppy anymore.. unless you pay extra.

What do women and Slinkies have in common?

Not much, but you can't help but crack a smile when see some tumbling down the stairs.

Drive Jokes

Why did nobody in the Soviet Union drive manual cars?

Love

What do you call the pope after a drive by?

Why did the Amish woman divorce her husband?

What is the difference between St. Patrick and Christopher Columbus?

Who's driving?

Why can it be so annoying to drive a Skoda?

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

What do the Montreal Canadians drive?

What's something you can drive, but also throw?

Why did the witch get a car with manual transmission?

Why do Americans get manuals when buying a new car?

We've Got This Love Thing Down

Why did everyone turn away when the race car drove past?

Why didn't George like driving through tunnels with people in his car?

Why is a beer like a woman?

What do you call a trucker that doesn't drive anymore?

What do you call a car that you only drive in the fall?

Who earns a living driving their customers away?

What did C: drive say to D: drive?

Why do they put half of the instructions in Spanish?

Why are boats being driven into the side of the lake?

What kind of cars do jedis drive?

Your Age Is Only Math

What happens when you text while driving?

Why did Soviet dictator always drive an automatic transmission?

What kind of car does Jesus drive?

What car does Luke Skywalker drive?

What do Driving Testers and Vegetarians have in common?

What kind of car does Yoda drive?

Why did the siamese twins moved to England?

What's the difference between a 4WD and a rental car?

How do you ask an Uber driver if he drives for Lyft, too?

What car does Jesus drive?

Couple's Daily Question Mug

What do you get in the Netherlands, when you fail your driving test three times?

How do you tell who loves you more. Your wife or your dog?

Why did the midget who drove British cars get cabin fever?

Why does the philosopher have an automatic car..?

What's 6 inches long and 2 inches wide and drives women wild?

What's 6 inches long and 2 inches wide and drives women wild?

What car does Boba Fett drive?

Why does the prosecutor only choose jurors who drive Hummers?

Why couldn't the BMW fit into a narrow parking stall at Target?

What did the guy on LSD say while driving on the highway?

What can hunger do that a woman simply can't?

What is 90-60-90?

What car do dogs drive?

Why is a raven like a writing desk?

How do you know when you're too drunk to drive?

What did Matthew McConaughey yell at the drive that was about to miss his turn?

How do you turn fruits into vegetables?

Who is driving?

How long does it take to drive across France?

What did Saint Patrick say as he drove the snakes out of Ireland?

What car do polite cowboys drive?

What did the pirate say when his wife kept asking him about the steering wheel in his pants?

Whose fault is it?

What do you call an Arab man who drives a bus?

What is the most popular vehicle in South America?

What kind of car does god drive?

What do you call an Hispanic gentleman who drives a hybrid car?

What did the pirate say with the steering wheel in his pants?

Who's to blame?

What did the Irishman say about the RC car tied to his scrotum?

Why does Wonder Woman fly?

Why is owning a Prius difficult?

What do you do if you are driving your car in central Manhattan and you see a space man?

What did the pirate say about the steering wheel in his pants?

What drove the British mystery fan insane?

What type of car would Jesus drive?

How do Russians drive to Alaska?

Why does pasta always have to pay so much for car insurance?

What did the pirate say after his first-mate stuck the wheel in his pants?

What's the difference between a tea cup and pea cup?

How did the Italian die?

Why did the virus get a ticket?

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs driving a car?

How do you keep your hair from blowing everywhere when you drive in a convertible?