Drive Jokes

Why do you need a licence for a dog and not for a cat?

Cats can't drive!

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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Why don't pirates drive on mountain roads?

Scurvy

Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car?

Because he was a car-case.

What the hell is a steering wheel doing there?

The pirate replies: "Arr, it's been driving me nuts"

Why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?

The pirate says, "I don't know, but it's driving me nuts!"

What did the pirate with a steering wheel in his pants say when he couldn't remember why it was there?

Arrrh, it's driving me nuts

Why did the snail draw an "S" on the side of his car?

So that when he drove by people could say, "Look at that escargot!"

What happens when two self-driving cars crash into each other?

RECALCULATING....*

How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden?

Hide the ball it drives them nuts!

What car does Catwoman drive?

A Purrgeot.

Who's there! Bark! Bark who?

Bark you car on the drive!

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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What did Kurtis Blow tell his son when teaching him how to drive?

THESE are the brakes!

What do a blonde and a car have in common?

They can both drive you crazy.

What car do insects drive?

A Volkswagen automobile.

What's the difference between driving a car on an empty tank of gas and having diarrhea?

One you're running on fumes, the other you're fuming with the runs.

Who drives away all of his customers?

A taxicab driver.

What do you call it when you spill your morning drive-through beverage on your virus scan software?

Getting McCafe on McAfee

What car did the Apostles drive?

Hint:Acts 2:1 KJV)

What kind of car did Jesus drive?

A manual.

Why did the wave fail the driving test?

It kept crashing on the beach.

Why was the school principal not pleased when he bumped into an old friend?

They were both driving their cars at the time!

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What noise does a cat make when it drives past really fast?

Meeeeeeeoooooowwwww

What is the cheapest date ever?

Drive in reverse trough the mcdrive, so the checkout is on her side.

How am I driving?

No seriously, how did I get here. This isn't my car.

What do you think you're doing driving through that intersection fifty miles an hour?

Driver: My brakes don't work so I was rushing home before I had an accident.

Why Russians never drive stick shift?

They really hate Stalin

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What did the pirate say when he had a steering wheel down his pantaloons?

Arr! It's driving me nuts!

Why did Renault name a car "Le Car"?

So customers wouldn't accidentally drive Le Lawnmower to work.

What's the fastest way to drive through Louisiana?

Drive the route with Les Miles!...

What do pigs drive?

Pig-up trucks!

Why are you driving on the sidewalk?

Motorist: It's too dangerous on the street.

What is the meaning of afford?

It's the car most sales representatives drive.

What did the one fish in the tank say to the other?

Do you know how to drive this thing

What kind of car do ghosts drive?

BOOgatti!

Why do blondes drive BMWs?

A1: Because they can spell it. A2: Because they can spell BWM.

What do you call a hard working man whose chauffeur is from Seoul?

Korea driven.

When are you going to learn to drive?

I don't think they feel very safe in my taxi.

What kind of trucks do pigs drive?

A pig up truck

What do you call a bus full of lawyers driving off a cliff?

A Good Start.(http://www.youtube.com/watch v=obKLdou0LH0)

What happens when you mock the host of Diners, Drive-In's, and Dives?

The guy gets fierious.

How many Man U. fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One to change the lightbulb and one to drive down to Kent to pick him/her up.

What are you guys yelling about?

Them: YOU'RE DRIVING

When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that's a popular cemetery?

Yep, people are just dying to get in there

How come a man driving a train got struck by lightning?

He was a good conductor.

How do you get two whales in a car?

Start in England and drive West.

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Problem Jokes More Problem Jokes

What did the astronaut from AA say in space?

Houston, I have a problem.

How do you annoy a computer person with a problem?

Never mind, I figured it out.

Steal Jokes More Steal Jokes

Why did Thor file a police report?

Because someone stole his thunder

What's the difference between Politicians and Thieves?

Thief: They steal your money then run Politician: They run and then steal your money

Road Jokes More Road Jokes

Why did the snail cross the road?

It is not clear yet, let it cross the road first. Update: It has been confirmed that it was to meet the Chicken who crossed the road earlier.

Why did the Mormon cross the road?

To get to the other bride!

Ireland Jokes More Ireland Jokes

Why did the pirate go to Ireland?

He thought he was going to Arrrland.

Why is the capitol of Ireland growing so fast?

Because the population is always Dublin.

Dollar Jokes More Dollar Jokes

What's the relationship between the pound, the dollar, and the ruble?

A pound of rubles is worth one dollar.

What do you get when you visit the dentist with a dollar?

Buck-teeth!

Wrong Jokes More Wrong Jokes

What do you call someone who tells you they've successfully broken the Law of Excluded Middle?

WRONG.**... or right, or something in between.

What is worse than getting a wrong call at 3 AM in the morning?

Getting a right call.

Drive Test Jokes More Drive Test Jokes

Why did Chewbacca fail his driving test?

He made a few Wookiee errors.

Why did the wave fail the driving test?

It kept crashing on the beach.

Hyper Drive Jokes More Hyper Drive Jokes

What do you call attempting to jump to light speed before checking the Hyper Drive first?

A Wookie mistake!

What drives the hype train?

The hyper drive.