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What does a bartender give you when you need the feeling of a strong drink, but you're not allowed ton consume alcohol?

Xanax since he's a Bartender

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Allow Jokes More Allow Jokes

Why is gambling not allowed in Africa?

Because there are too many cheetahs.

Why do so many American kids die in school shootings?

They're not allowed to run in the halls.

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

When black guys say "ya feel me?

I literally feel them so they know exactly what level of white I'm operating at.

How does that make you feel?

ME: "Mphh mophh wampph." T: Again, this works better if you don't lie face down on the couch.

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What's black, has bite marks and isn't needed any more?

Philip Hoffman's belt.

What is an independent variable?

Student: A variable who don't need no man

Consume Jokes More Consume Jokes

Why didn't galactus consume the milky way?

He was galactose-intolerant. I'm sorry.

Why don't more people cook Armenian food?

Because it can be very thyme-consuming.

Xanax Jokes More Xanax Jokes

What does a bartender give you when you need the feeling of a strong drink, but you're not allowed ton consume alcohol?

Xanax since he's a Bartender

Why did the Mexican take Xanax?

For Hispanic attacks.

Bartender Jokes More Bartender Jokes

What did the alcoholic Dad, away on business, say to the bartender at the hotel bar?

I'm ready to partiem with my perdiem *sorry, not a dad, and the bar tender didn't laugh either

When the bartender asks you what's in a Ryan Lochte?

Just say "I don't know, make something up"