Consume Jokes

What's the longest time in which you haven't consumed alcohol?

My record is 21 years.

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What did the man who ate a clock say?

That was time consuming but I still want seconds.

Why do whales have really good immune systems?

They consume a lot of vitamin SEA!

Why didn't galactus consume the milky way?

He was galactose-intolerant. I'm sorry.

Why don't more people cook Armenian food?

Because it can be very thyme-consuming.

What does a bartender give you when you need the feeling of a strong drink, but you're not allowed ton consume alcohol?

Xanax since he's a Bartender

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Clock Jokes More Clock Jokes

What did the clock do after the good meal?

He went back four seconds.

What time is it when a clock strikes thirteen?

Time to get it fixed.

Big Ben Jokes More Big Ben Jokes

Whale Jokes More Whale Jokes

Why do whales have really good immune systems?

They consume a lot of vitamin SEA!

What is worse than a whale with a sore tooth?

Going to kiss your grandmother goodnight and she slips you the tongue.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

I want my quarter back!

How many psychologists does it take to change a tire?

Just one, but first the tire really has to want to change.

Fish Jokes More Fish Jokes

Why do you have to take two Baptists with you when you go fishing?

Because if you only take one, he'll drink all your beer.

What kind of fish would be good to tune a piano?

Oh, you guessed it right... the tuna fish!

People Jokes More People Jokes

What should you do when people talk behind your back?

Fart

Why couldn't the Sailor steal other peoples work?

It was Pirated.

Armenian Jokes More Armenian Jokes

What do you call the device that keeps an Armenian man safe?

A Serj Protector.

Why don't the Greeks, Slavs, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving?

Because they don't like Turkey

Milky Way Jokes More Milky Way Jokes

Why didn't galactus consume the milky way?

He was galactose-intolerant. I'm sorry.

How do Canadians say Milky Way?

Milky Eh.... Get it?