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Consume Jokes

What's the longest time in which you haven't consumed alcohol?

My record is 21 years.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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Everyday Deserves a Joke

What did the man who ate a clock say?

That was time consuming but I still want seconds.

Why do whales have really good immune systems?

They consume a lot of vitamin SEA!

Why didn't galactus consume the milky way?

He was galactose-intolerant. I'm sorry.

Why don't more people cook Armenian food?

Because it can be very thyme-consuming.

What does a bartender give you when you need the feeling of a strong drink, but you're not allowed ton consume alcohol?

Xanax since he's a Bartender

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Find Jokes More Find Jokes

Why shouldn't you tell a philosophy major a joke?

They don't find them Hume-erous.

Why don't we wait for life on other planets to find us?

Why do we have to do all the work

21 Year Jokes More 21 Year Jokes

What's the longest time in which you haven't consumed alcohol?

My record is 21 years.

Where is Jennifer's husband?

Jennifer is 21 years older than her son Douglas. 6 years from now, Jennifer will be 5 times as old as Douglas. Question: Where is Jennifer's husband? Solution: J=D+21 J+6=5(D+6) According to my math, Douglas has 3/4 years, which means -9 months. Pregnancy lasts for nine months, so Jennifer's husband is in the bed with her right now. Sauce:

Vitamin Sea Jokes More Vitamin Sea Jokes

What kind of vitamin does a pirate take?

Vitamin sea.

Why do whales have really good immune systems?

They consume a lot of vitamin SEA!

Eat Jokes More Eat Jokes

What do you call an Ewok who just ate pancakes?

A sticky Wicket.

Why did Microsoft skip windows 9?

Because 7 ate 9

King Kong Jokes More King Kong Jokes

What did the big ape say when he dialed incorrectly?

Oops! King Kong ring wrong.

Why did King Kong join the army?

To learn about gorilla warfare.

Milky Way Jokes More Milky Way Jokes

Why does the universe expand?

All the Milky Ways. You get it.

Why didn't galactus consume the milky way?

He was galactose-intolerant. I'm sorry.

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why are we here?

Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions

What is headache?

5 minutes talk to wife.

Bartender Jokes More Bartender Jokes

When the bartender asks you what's in a Ryan Lochte?

Just say "I don't know, make something up"

What did the bartender say to the jumper cables?

You better not try to start anything.