What did the bartender say to the angry speaker?

We don't want any treble

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Why do they want to change the faces on dollars but not on coins?

Because the only constant is change.

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?

He wanted to win the No Bell Prize.

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How much will that be?

Asks the neutron. "For you " replies the bartender, "no charge."

Why would Bart Simpson never go to a pub?

Because there's a BartEnder there.