Damage Jokes

What's the difference between a Republican and a Democrat?

How much damage can their Weiner make...

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What's the worst part of running into your ex?

You have to get out and check to see how bad your car is damaged.

Why did the seismologist not have to pay for the damage caused by the earthquake?

It wasn't his fault.

What did little Paul Bunyan say when his mom asked him how he damaged his favorite toy?

It was an ax-I-dent.

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Render Jokes More Render Jokes

Why did the console peasant cross the road?

To render the other side.

What did the pirate say when he turned 81?

Nothing, as he didn't exist. The probability of anyone in that demographic reaching their eighties is particularly low, and an active pirate being eighty one years of age is further rendered a statistical impossibility given that a pirate would need to be above a certain threshold in terms of physical ability.

Tonight Jokes More Tonight Jokes

What did one tooth say to the other?

Get your cap on the dentist is taking us out tonight.

What is your best sushi-related joke or pun?

My dad and I are going out for sushi tonight, and he has rescheduled this dinner with me several times for dumb reasons (one night was because he randomly decided to go out drinking instead). Would love to get my revenge by making sushi puns and jokes all night, but Google is failing me--I've only been able to find jokes that either make no sense, or are just not funny at all. Help!