March Madness Sale - 25% Off

Pay Jokes

Why was Mexico willing to pay to build the wall between the US and Mexico?

So the can finally have a good Olympic team.

I Love Pizza & You

March Madness Sale

I Love Pizza & You

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I wouldn't pay 50 to have a lentil on my face...

How do you get an art major off your front porch?

Pay for the pizza!

How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her.

Why do Canadians not pay attention to their local wildlife?

Because there's nothing to care-aboot. (caribou)

Why do women live longer than men?

Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

How do you stop your water from running?

Stop paying the bill.

Who pays?

Germany.

What university department did the Fonz go do when he needed help paying his tuition?

Financial Ayyyyyyd I'll

What's the difference between a chick pea and a potato?

You would pay to have a potato on you...

How often to wizard journalists get paid?

They make a Daily Prophet.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

March Madness Sale

Couple's Daily Question Mug

How much did the pirate pay for corn?

A buck an ear!

What do you call it when you paid all your bills?

Feedom.

Why wasn't the astronaut paying attention?

Because he was spaced out.

Why Do Kids In High school Take Art?

You don't have to pay for the glue to sniff...

Why'd the chicken cross The Road?

Because he wasn't paid the money he deserved.

How do you get a Canadian to pay you back?

You ask.

How are strippers and Subway workers similar?

They'll both lie and tell you it's a footlong to get paid.

How do ducks pay off loans?

With their bills!

How do you pay a bartender?

With bar tender.

How do IT technicians prefer to be paid?

Cache in hand.

$Your Age Is Only Math$

March Madness Sale

Your Age Is Only Math

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean?

I've never paid to have a lima bean on my chest.

What's the difference between a PC gamer and a console player?

One spends 400 dollars on a console that will play games for years, the other pays 400 dollars for a graphics card that will be outdated in a week

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea?

I've never paid a garbanzo to bean on my face.

Why did the Romans pay their soldiers in salt?

So they would end up with seasoned veterans.

Why don't poor people go to funerals?

They can't afford to pay respects.

How is Bernie going to pay for free college for everyone?

No problem! He'll just make Mexico pay for it!

What do you call it when an eclipse occurs?

When God forgets to pay the electricity bill.

Why did the circus animals go on strike?

The elephants found out that they were being paid peanuts compared to the rest of the troupe and the ringleader was taking the lions share.

How are women and computers the same?

Neither take your 3.5 inch floppy anymore.. unless you pay extra.

What do you call someone who supports Hillary?

Paid off.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

March Madness Sale

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What's the difference a kidney bean and a chickpea?

I've never paid $200 to have a kidney bean in my mouth.

Why isn't there a college in the world of Harry Potter?

Because even Magic can't pay your college Loan

What Hillary's word for a bribe?

Pay her and she'll speak to you about it.

What's one advantage of electing a woman president of the United States?

We wouldn't have to pay her as much.

How do you pay for incense?

In cents

How do you make a horomone?

You don't pay her. (My mom is sick. Hilarious. But sick.)

How do attractive men pay for things?

They handsome money to the cashier

What is the difference between a Garbanzo bean and a Chickpea?

I've never paid to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

Why won't the Alzheimer's patient pay attention to you?

Because he doesn't know the time of day.

How much does a pirate pay for corn?

A Buck-An-Ear

Why don't you have to pay for the items on a will?

It's a dead giveaway...

Why should you never take a swordfish out to dinner?

Because you'll get stuck with the bill, and if you don't have money to pay the restaurant will call the cods on you. Fin.

What is the difference between lightning and electricity?

Teacher: What is the difference between lightning and electricity? Alexander: I know you do not have to pay for lightning.

Why do vultures hate flying?

Because they have to pay extra for Carrion! Budum tsssss

What happens when you get more than you payed for with a Mexican Gigolo?

The second coming of Jess.

What do Steam users and Reddit admins have in common?

They don't want to pay for mods.

Why didn't Greece vote for Tyrion?

Because a Lannister always pays his debts.

How do you get the political science grad off your lawn?

Pay for the pizza

How do dog catchers get paid?

By the Pound!

Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes?

There was a sin tax error. 8.5

What happens when you don't pay your exorcist?

You get repossessed.

Who pays for the drinks?

The German!

How to get a liberal arts graduate off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

What happens if you don't pay after an exorcism?

You'll get repossessed!

Why didn't the art thief get away?

Because he didn't have to Monet to pay the Guy to make the Van Gogh.

What happened to the Christian family when they didn't pay their exorcist?

THEIR HOUSE GOT REPOSSESSED!

What's the difference between a green bean chickpea?

No one has ever paid to have a green bean on their chest

Why do I have to say please when I ask for a sandwich at a restaurant?

They don't say please when I'm paying. They say, "That'll be $5". I should be able to say, "That'll be a sandwich."

Why did the stair railing give money to Beethoven?

A bannister always pays his deafs.

How much do pirates pay for piercings?

A buccaneer!

What happens if you don't pay the priest who exorcises your house?

He'll re-possess it

What's the diffrence between a Chickpea and a Gorbanzo bean?

I woun't pay a 100 bucks for a Gorbanzo bean on my face.

What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?

I wouldn't pay $100 to have a garbanzo bean on my face..... :D eh. Eh.?

Why does pasta always have to pay so much for car insurance?

Because it can't drive a car without making it all denty.

What's the difference between a crackhead and a John?

A crackhead buys crack so he can put it into his pipe and burn it. A John pays so that he can put his pipe into a crack that might burn him.

Why Do Elephants Have Big Ears?

Because Noddy won't pay the ransom!

What does a limo driver and a hairy stripper have in common?

They both get paid to chauffeur. (show fur)

Whats the least paying job?

British dentist.

How Do You Start a Flood?

An engineer and an attorney were fishing in the Caribbean. The attorney said, Im here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything. "Thats quite a coincidence," said the engineer. Im here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood and my insurance company also paid for everything. The puzzled attorney asked, How do you start a flood?

Why did Walter White not pay for his pizza?

Because it was on the house.

How much does a midget stripper with three kids get paid?

Mini-mom wage.

Why do Redditors pay with exact change?

They can't stand a Nickleback!

How much do pirates pay for earrings?

Somewhere around a buck an ear.

What's the easiest way to pay a musician?

Open the door, hand him the cash and take the pizza

What does the highest paid WNBA player make?

Sandwiches.

Why should you be sure to pay your exorcist on time?

You wouldn't want to get repossessed!

Why do we need to go to college?

Student: Why do we need to go to college? Teacher: So we can get a high paying job Student: Why do we need a high paying job Teacher: So we can get lots of money Student: Why do we need lots of money Teacher: So we can pay off our college loans

How many Murdochs does it take to change a lightbulb?

They were unaware the lightbulb was an issue & regret unknowingly paying to change it

Why couldn't Bach pay for his dinner?

Because he was Baroque.

Who let them out?

I PAID GOOD MONEY TO IMPRISON THEM

How much do pirates pay to get an earring?

A Buccaneer.

Why couldn't the skeleton pay his bus fare?

Because he was skint.

How much does a moil get paid?

Fifty dollars and a tip.

How much did the Cubs pay the devil to win the World Series?

2016

Why are clothes so expensive?

I shouldn't have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.

How will you be paying, sir?

Check mate"..

Why did the farmer's wife got angry at him for paying too much attention to his equipment?

He kept looking at his hoes.

How does the Pope pay for things online?

Papal

Why can't Zeno seem to pay his bar tab in full?

Because he kept giving half of what he owes.

What knight of the round table never paid with cash when buying something?

Sir Charge

Why do they thank me in the cafeteria when I pay for my food like I had a choice?

Just tell me "enjoy the diarrhea" and I'll move along.

Which side is it best to lie on?

She asked. "The side that pays your fee" replied the doctor.

How did Jesus pay for our sins?

Pray-Pal

What would be different if men got pregnant?

Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay and morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem.

How much do pirates pay for corn?

A buck an ear!

What did the hotel manager say to the elephant that couldn't pay his bill?

Pack your trunk and clear out!

Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student?

Because education pays off in the long run!

How are you going to pay for that?

Oh, just put it on my bill.

What celebrity never payed with a cheque or credit?

Johnny Cash.

You might also enjoy:

Problem Jokes More Problem Jokes

What do you get if you ask a former presidential candidate to write a piece of music about a formula for solving a problem based on a sequence of specified actions?

An algorithm.

How many gangsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Twelve, you got a problem with that

Lot Jokes More Lot Jokes

Why is a doctor always calm?

He got a lot of patients

How does Planned Parenthood paint their walls?

They go to Home Depot, get paint and rollers Sometimes they hire private contractors Lots of paint and tarps and tape, it's not that fun

People Jokes More People Jokes

What two things should people stop shaking because shaking hurts these things development?

Polaroid Integral Film and Babies

What did people call Putin after he lost an arm?

Amputin

College Jokes More College Jokes

Which fraternity was George Lucas in during College?

Psi Phi.

What do cats major in college?

String theory!!

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between my Grandma and the FBI?

My Grandma can unlock an iphone.

What's the difference between Victoria Taylor and Arnold Schwarzenegger?

One was fired, the other was terminated

Hormone Jokes More Hormone Jokes

How do you hear a hormone?

Pay $100 for 30 minutes

What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?

I can't make a vitamin

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What key do you need to open a banana?

A monkey

Which college course does a feminist take?

Trick question! You need brain cells to get into college.

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

What do you tell a man with two black eyes?

Nothing, he's been told twice already. (And be cool, if you get the reference keep quiet and let em wonder.)

What has six legs two arms four eyes and a tail?

A man holding an aardvark.