Why do women live longer than men?

Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

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Man Jokes More Man Jokes

What do you call a man who marries an old ugly and poor woman?

Desperate!

How did the man feel when he got a big bill from the electric company?

He was shocked.

Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

How do you get a drummer off your doorstep?

You pay for the pizza.

How many Murdochs does it take to change a lightbulb?

They were unaware the lightbulb was an issue & regret unknowingly paying to change it

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

What do you call a woman who does not have all her toes on one foot?

Normal

Why do you never buy a woman a watch?

Because there's a clock on the stove.

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

What do you call an eye doctor living on an island in Alaska?

An optical Aleutian.

Why do procrastinators live the longest?

Because they die at the last second.

Bill Jokes More Bill Jokes

How does Bill keep Gennifer Flowers away from the White House?

He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.

How are you going to pay for that?

Oh, just put it on my bill.

Cause Jokes More Cause Jokes

What's the difference between a feminist and a dentist's drill?

One causes a lot of pain and makes a constant high pitched whine. The other is a useful piece of medical equipment.

What kind of wine causes the most accidents?

Shartonnay

Shopping Jokes More Shopping Jokes

Where did the ghost go shopping?

At the BOO-tique

Where does a Sith Lord do their shopping?

The Maul.

Heart Attack Jokes More Heart Attack Jokes

Where does it hurt?

Me: *Points to heart* Nurse: Awwww that is so cute! Me. *COLLAPSES FROM HEART ATTACK*

What is the worst time to have a heart attack?

During a game of charades