Heart Attack Jokes

Why do women live longer than men?

Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

$19.99

Who do you call if Everlast is having a heart attack?

Eminem.

Why didn't the American get the burger?

Because the heart attack got him first.

What is the worst time to have a heart attack?

During a game of charades

What happens when an American has a heart attack and survives?

A 'murical.

Where does it hurt?

Me: *Points to heart* Nurse: Awwww that is so cute! Me. *COLLAPSES FROM HEART ATTACK*

Why did the black man have a heart attack?

Afrosclerosis

When is the worst possible time to have a heart attack?

When you are playing Charades.

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Girl Jokes More Girl Jokes

How do you know the girl from Jaws had dandruff?

She left her Head &amp Shoulders on the beach

What do I look for in a girl?

Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.

Boy Jokes More Boy Jokes

What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?

GLOVES! Just kidding, he hasn't opened the box yet.

Why did the boy stare at his orange juice for so long?

Because it said, Concentrate.

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

Why does Ellen Pao play so much tennis?

Its the only place she can get love.

Where is the worst place to play hide and seek in a hospital?

In the I.C.U.

Burger Jokes More Burger Jokes

Why are so many people obese these days?

Because burgers are$.99 and salads are $4.99

Which burgers are dishonest?

Cat-burgers! (burglars)

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

Why don't women wear watches?

Because there's a perfectly good clock on the stove

How are women and rocks alike?

You skip across the flat ones.

Collapse Jokes More Collapse Jokes

Why did it take so long to find the bodies of the black firefighters after the building they were in caught fire and collapsed?

Cause the building collapsed, duh.

What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant?

I'm not sure but if you see one walking across the ceiling then run before it collapses!

Point Jokes More Point Jokes

Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?

He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine" c/o /u/jubileo5

How many points do you get if you hit a golfer?

Fore.

Cause Jokes More Cause Jokes

Why is NATO afraid of Russia?

Cause Russia's been Putin them on notice. Just thought of this.

Why did AMD release black edition cpu?

Cause they run faster than white.