Cause Jokes

Why does Willem Dafoe play a villain in a lot of movies?

Duh. Cause he's da foe.

$Your Age Is Only Math$

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Why do women live longer than men?

Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

Why are there no headache pills in Troy?

Cause Paracetamol

Why does the town pound keep animals in separate cages?

Cause otherwise they'd be going to pound town.

What kind of wine causes the most accidents?

Shartonnay

Why doesn't Coffee get along with milk in Germany?

Cause it doesn't want to be latte. Sorry. I just came up with this lame joke. Downvotes ahoy!

What did one ovary say to the other one?

Did you order any furniture?" "No. Why?" asked the other. "Cause there's two nuts out there trying to deliver an organ."

Why don't they let gansters play Quidditch?

Cause gangsters always catch the snitch!

Why did Ally refuse to do her homework, when all she had left was to square the x and y axis?

Cause Allies don't like axis powers

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Why didn't Edward get on the plane?

Cause it was snowed-in.

Why did AMD release black edition cpu?

Cause they run faster than white.

You see, firetrucks have 4 wheels, can carry 8 men and 4+ 8 = 12. There are 12 inches in a ruler and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler. There was once a ship named Elizabeth that sailed the seas. Fish live in the seas and fish have fins. People from Finland are called Fins. Finland and Russia had a war a long time ago. Russia has red on its flag and that's why they're red. Cause they're always Russian around.

Why do brothels support Hillary?

Cause #FeelTheBern would be bad for business.

Why does a cow have hooves but not feet?

Cause they lactose.

Why did so many people support the colonist protest of tea?

Cause everyone wanted'a "boo" tea!

Why is a fire truck always red?

Cause you'd be mad too if someone kept pulling your hose.

Why can't you take a shower with a Pokémon?

Cause they'll Pikachu

What caused Captain Morgan's shipwreck?

He was on the rocks.

What do you call a virus named Enza that causes the flu?

A flu Enza. Thanks a lot everyone, I looked forward to this day for a long time.

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I Love Pizza & You

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Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?

Cause they all have phones!

Why do gangsters save so much money on clothes?

Cause all their pants are half-off

Why did the cowboy get a dachshund?

Cause he was told to get a long little doggy.

What do you call a drum that causes problems?

A conundrum

Why are outdoor workers so in fit?

Cause they work out.

Why is Chapstick so popular?

Cause it's the balm baby!

Why are Black people so tall?

Cause they're knee grows!!

Why did the pasta chef take his car into the body shop?

Cause it got al dente'd up!

Why do feminists hate the post the USPS?

Cause it's an all mail business.

What disease causes people to swear at the dinner table?

Gilles de la gourmette

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We've Got This Love Thing Down

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Why don't women parachute naked?

Cause they would whistle on the way down

Why do failing college girls always screw their professors?

Cause they want the D.

Why can you trust no one in the savannah?

Cause they be lion.

Why does the lead singer of Sublime hate tennis?

Cause love is what I got

Why are some flowers gangsta?

Cause they carry pistils.

Why did the Lebo die?

Cause he was fullllly sik m8.

Why didn't you visit Chad?

Cause he wasn't my Niger.

Why did the cowboy have a brown moustache?

Cause he was Lookin' for loooove in alllll the wrong places.

Why did the Baker rob the Banker?

Cause he knead that dough......... Sorry I'm drunk

Why do Pillows work?

Cause they're white

Why do natives hate snow?

Cause its white and its on their land.

Why do Russians celebrate Christmas on the 7th of January?

Cause eight reindeer and a sleigh are a lot quicker than 6 pigs and a stoneboat.

What did the irritated man say to his inguinal hernia?

Get off my nuts!" (ps. I made this joke up yesterday... i am having hernia surgery tomorrow, and i lol'd so hard at myself that i about caused a second one to pop out)

What causes German Earthquakes?

Teutonic Plates. I'm sorry I'll find my own way out

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners?

Cause he can't do stand-up.

Why don't they drill holes in golf clubs?

Cause then there would be a hole in one!

Why did the train go left?

Cause it couldn't get on the right track. I made that joke when I was little and remembered it today, might as well post it.

How do you know that William Wallace is normally distributed?

Cause he has infinite degrees of FREEEEEDOM!!!

Why was the young strawberry upset?

Cause his mom was in a jam.

Why do Lannisters hate turtles?

Cause they can't stab them in the back

What's a Jackhammer's Best Friend?

Cast Steel! Bahahahahah! You know! Cause it has a poor dampening value it vibrates so much! They um. They both vibrate. Well ok. One vibrates, the other reciprocates. That's kinda... Hehe. Heh. Reciprocate my humor damn it!