Cause Jokes

Why does Willem Dafoe play a villain in a lot of movies?

Duh. Cause he's da foe.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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Why is the beach wet?

Cause the seaweed

Why do women live longer than men?

Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

Why are there no headache pills in Troy?

Cause Paracetamol

Why does the town pound keep animals in separate cages?

Cause otherwise they'd be going to pound town.

What kind of wine causes the most accidents?

Shartonnay

Why doesn't Coffee get along with milk in Germany?

Cause it doesn't want to be latte. Sorry. I just came up with this lame joke. Downvotes ahoy!

Why don't they let gansters play Quidditch?

Cause gangsters always catch the snitch!

Why did Ally refuse to do her homework, when all she had left was to square the x and y axis?

Cause Allies don't like axis powers

Why didn't Edward get on the plane?

Cause it was snowed-in.

Why did AMD release black edition cpu?

Cause they run faster than white.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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Why are firetrucks red?

You see, firetrucks have 4 wheels, can carry 8 men and 4+ 8 = 12. There are 12 inches in a ruler and Queen Elizabeth was a ruler. There was once a ship named Elizabeth that sailed the seas. Fish live in the seas and fish have fins. People from Finland are called Fins. Finland and Russia had a war a long time ago. Russia has red on its flag and that's why they're red. Cause they're always Russian around.

Why do brothels support Hillary?

Cause #FeelTheBern would be bad for business.

Why does a cow have hooves but not feet?

Cause they lactose.

Why did so many people support the colonist protest of tea?

Cause everyone wanted'a "boo" tea!

Why is a fire truck always red?

Cause you'd be mad too if someone kept pulling your hose.

Why can't you take a shower with a Pokémon?

Cause they'll Pikachu

What caused Captain Morgan's shipwreck?

He was on the rocks.

What do you call a virus named Enza that causes the flu?

A flu Enza. Thanks a lot everyone, I looked forward to this day for a long time.

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?

Cause they all have phones!

Why do gangsters save so much money on clothes?

Cause all their pants are half-off

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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Why did the cowboy get a dachshund?

Cause he was told to get a long little doggy.

What do you call a drum that causes problems?

A conundrum

Why are outdoor workers so in fit?

Cause they work out.

Why is Chapstick so popular?

Cause it's the balm baby!

Why are Black people so tall?

Cause they're knee grows!!

Why did the pasta chef take his car into the body shop?

Cause it got al dente'd up!

Why do feminists hate the post the USPS?

Cause it's an all mail business.

What disease causes people to swear at the dinner table?

Gilles de la gourmette

Why do failing college girls always screw their professors?

Cause they want the D.

Why can you trust no one in the savannah?

Cause they be lion.

Why does the lead singer of Sublime hate tennis?

Cause love is what I got

Why are some flowers gangsta?

Cause they carry pistils.

Why did the Lebo die?

Cause he was fullllly sik m8.

Why did the Baker rob the Banker?

Cause he knead that dough.

Why do Pillows work?

Cause they're white

Why do natives hate snow?

Cause its white and its on their land.

Why do Russians celebrate Christmas on the 7th of January?

Cause eight reindeer and a sleigh are a lot quicker than 6 pigs and a stoneboat.

What causes German Earthquakes?

Teutonic Plates.

Why don't they drill holes in golf clubs?

Cause then there would be a hole in one!

Why did the train go left?

Cause it couldn't get on the right track. I made that joke when I was little and remembered it today, might as well post it.

How do you know that William Wallace is normally distributed?

Cause he has infinite degrees of FREEEEEDOM!!!

Why was the young strawberry upset?

Cause his mom was in a jam.

Why do Lannisters hate turtles?

Cause they can't stab them in the back

What's a Jackhammer's Best Friend?

Cast Steel! Bahahahahah! You know! Cause it has a poor dampening value it vibrates so much! They um. They both vibrate. Well ok. One vibrates, the other reciprocates. That's kinda... Hehe. Heh. Reciprocate my humor damn it!

Why can't ducks tell jokes when they fly?

Cause they would quack up.

Why are ducks funny?

Cause they be quacking jokes

Why does the little mermaid where sea shells?

Cause the B-shells were too small.

Why is 6 scared of 7?

Cause 7 is a six offender

Why can't T-rex's clap?

Cause they're dead.

Why did the chicken coop have two doors?

Cause if it had four doors it'd be a chicken sedan

Why do we call the office printer Bob Marley?

Cause it's always Jammin'

Why is sorority row the safest place to be during a zombie invasion?

Cause the zombies are looking for braaaaaaaains

Why did the U.S. invade Panama?

Just Cause

Why should you always take two Mormon's fishing?

Cause if you take one, he'll drink all your beer

Why do scuba divers roll backwards out of the boat?

Cause if they rolled forwards, they would still be in the boat.

Why wasn't the fella able to get out when he fell in the river?

Cause it was on a Sunday and the banks were closed

Why is it better to be ashy?

Cause it just means you spit more fire

What's the same with 9/11 and Goliath and the giant?

They were both caused by a message from god.

What did the Israeli Prime Minister who can't say the word "and" say about candy that caused such a hubbub?

Mike Ike's are my least favorite.

Why do hippies like to swim way offshore?

Cause it's far out, man

Why did the dorito feel left out?

Cause he didn't chip in!

What do feminists and Redditors have in common?

They both have multiple triggers that will cause them to down vote those who don't think the exact same way as them.

Why did the seismologist not have to pay for the damage caused by the earthquake?

It wasn't his fault.

Why can't horses vote?

Cause their answer is always 'nay'. I'm sorry, I'll leave...

Why can't Sally ride the swings?

Cause she doesn't have arms. Knock, Knock, Whose there Not Sally...

Why won't you read this joke?

Cause you've already reddit!

What did the judge say when the defendant cause a ruckus in vegetable court?

Bay leaf get him out if here!

Why didn't Vietnam return to feudalism following 1975?

Cause Charlie don't serf.

Why do they call it a "roach clip"?

Cause "pot holder" was taken.

Why did the thieves get caught after robbing the Louvre?

Cause they didn't have the Monet to get Degas to make the van Gogh.

Why can't the bishop walk straight?

Cause he can only move diagonally

Why did it take so long to find the bodies of the black firefighters after the building they were in caught fire and collapsed?

Cause the building collapsed, duh.

Why is it warmer near the corners of a room?

Cause they're at 90 degrees.

Why'd the mushroom go to the party?

Cause he's a fungi! Why'd the fungi leave the party Cause there wasn't mushroom!

Why does a giraffe have a long neck?

Cause its feet smell.

Why does fluoride cause apathy?

Who cares.

Why do graveyards have fences?

Cause everyone's dying to get in!

Why do girls like nice guys?

Cause nice guys always finish last.

Why are horse-drawn carriages so unpopular?

Cause horses are rubbish at drawing

Why did the global warming activist compliment the earth?

Cause it looked hotter than usual!

How do you stay warm in a cold room?

You go to the corner cause it's always 90 degrees.

Why is NATO afraid of Russia?

Cause Russia's been Putin them on notice. Just thought of this.

Why did the trekkie spit out her latte at the Star Trek Convention?

Cause William Shatner Coffee.

What happened when the wheel was invented?

It caused a revolution.

Why was the computer stressed out when it got home from work?

Cause it had a hard drive.

Why Can't America tell knock knock jokes?

Cause' freedom RINGS!

Why Was Vista Afraid of Seven?

Cause seven eight ten.

Why was the scarecrow given an award?

Cause he was out standing in his field

Why is a toothbrush a "tooth" brush?

Cause it was invented in Alabama! Inspiration came from the comments(http://mobile.reuters.com/article/idUSKBN0GP1NS20140825 irpc=932)

What do you call it when a bear makes a complete rotation on both its longitudinal and lateral axes, causing it to follow a helical path?

A bearl roll.

Why did they go from Windows 8 to Windows 10?

Cause Seven ate Windows 9

Why do North Americans hate playing chess?

Cause they lack the towers.

What's the name of the Pokemon that causes birth defects?

Zikachu

Why do women aged 40+ not play hide and seek?

Cause nobody would be looking for them.

What causes dry eyes?

Ducts out of water...

Why does the Philippines ban rectal thermometers?

They cause too much brain damage.

Why is it not a good idea to tell your parents about your failures while they are on an elevator?

It would cause them to be disappointed on many different levels.

How do you know the toothbrush was invented in South Carolina?

Cause if it was invented anywhere else it'd be called a teethbrush.

What's the difference between an expensive purchase and a loud noise that scares a chicken?

One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg.

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Movie Jokes More Movie Jokes

What did the pirate pirate say on his 80th birthday?

I can't believe I'm still illegally downloading movies at this age!

What would one call a movie about meth addictions?

Need for speed.

Shopping Jokes More Shopping Jokes

Where did the ghost go shopping?

At the BOO-tique

Why do women live longer than men?

Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Wanna go ride bikes?

How many Duggars does it take to screw a planet?

EOM

Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

What is school like?

It's terrible, we have to do all the work, but the teachers get paid.

How to get a liberal arts graduate off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

Chick Jokes More Chick Jokes

How did the rooster get a lot of chicks?

A lot of good yolks!

Why did Johnny Bravo go to the pet store?

To pick up some chicks.

Seaweed Jokes More Seaweed Jokes

What do you call it when you do papercrafts with seaweed?

Norigami.

Where did the seaweed... Where did the seaweed find a job?

In the "Kelp Wanted" section of the want-ads.

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

Why do people like office parties AND this joke?

The punch line.

What's long, hard and bendable and contains the letters p, e, n, i, s?

Your spine.

Suh Dude Jokes More Suh Dude Jokes

How many suh dudes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None 'cause it's already lit, fam.

Whats the fastest way to cut down a tree?

Suh Dude