Muslim Jokes

Why don't Muslims support Harambe?

Because it would

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Where do Muslim people go when they die?

Everywhere

What did the muslim say to the other muslim when they were surfing?

That was radical!

Why did the French police arrested the Muslim teenager?

Because he was trying to detonate a Samsung Note 7.

What do you call a Muslim trainer's Pokmon?

Voltorb

Why did the Muslim cross the road?

To get to the bigger crowd

Why do Muslims love shopping at Ross?

Because they can dress foreless.

Why are Muslim countries are banning PokemonGo?

Because Allah likes digimon

What does a muslim say when he makes a mistake?

Allahu Mybad

What's a Muslim's favorite TV show?

It's always sunni in Philadelphia

What U.S. state was founded by Muslims?

Allah-bama

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What did the muslim telemarketer say when he picked up the phone?

Halal?

How do you say hi to a Muslim in Hawaii?

Aloha Akbar.

What does the Muslim ghost say?

Boom.

What did Muslim sonic say on June 5?

Gotta go fasting!

What is a Muslim womans favorite amendment?

The second (right to bare arms)

What famous hotel chain do muslims prefer when travelling on religious holidays?

Ramadamadan.

Whats a Muslims favorite cologne?

GERMANY!!!!

What is the difference between a Muslim baby and a Christian baby?

Their parents.

What is the only alcoholic beverage Muslim extremists are permitted to drink?

Smirnoff ISIS

What did the muslim man say when he arrived at his resort in Hawaii?

Aloha Snackbar!

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Why was the Muslim sad when he bought a pirated disc?

Because the Disc was cracked

What did the Muslim bring to the Holiday party?

Falafel and hummus.

What happens when you are banned on a muslim server?

You are turbanned

Why did the Muslim fail his Chemistry Exam?

Because to him, alcohol is not a solution.

What do you call a Muslim Girl dating an Agnostic Guy?

For safety purposes, I don't know if I should tell you her name..

What is a Muslims favorite type of vinegar?

BalIslamic

How do Muslim women get wrinkles off their faces?

Fabric softener.

What is the name of Turkey's most beloved actor?

Muslim Bale

What's a Muslims favourite animal?

Its Lamb

What do you call a Muslim standing between two buildings?

Ali

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What did the Muslim Sonic say?

Gotta go fast.

Where do Muslims go after their Friday prayer?

To the Allahu Akbar

Which university has the most muslims?

SUNY

What do you call a Muslim basketball player's best move?

Islam Dunk

Where do Muslims go on a weekend?

To Mecca Bingo.

What is a Muslim baby's first word?

Revenge!

Where did the Muslim go for his sandwich?

Aaaaaaaaallah Snackbar.

Where does a Muslim go for a quick bite?

Allahu Snackbar!

Why did the Muslim CEO dislike the cartoon of Muhammad?

Because it wasn't prophet maximizing.

What is a Muslim's Favorite Dinosaur???

Allahsaurus!

Why dont Muslims play Dota?

Because techies respawns

How did a Chinese spy disguise himself as an Arab in America?

He became a Muslim.

How do you know if a Muslim is laughing online?

He types, "HALOL"

Where do Muslim hipsters shop for clothes?

Turban Outfitters!

What do you get when a Mexican and Muslim have a child?

A kid who loves halalpenos

Why is a praying muslim like apple pie with ice cream?

Both are in *a la mode*.

What did the moderate muslim say to the radical muslim?

Hello friend!

Why was the Muslim arrested for speeding during Ramadan?

Because he was going *to fast*!

When is the only time a Muslim bets?

When there is a prophet involved.

What do Muslim children color with?

A Quran

Why aren't there any Muslims in Star Trek?

Because it's the future

What did the Klansman say to the Muslim?

Psst...Who washes your... sheets

What did the muslim woman say to her new fiance?

Jihad me at hello.

What does a Muslim cowboy shout on his horse?

Jee hawd!!!!!!!!!!

What's a Muslim's favourite musician?

Shari'ah Carey

What kind of weed do muslims smoke?

Quranic

What's a muslim's favourite game?

Goat Stimulator

How do you order food at a Muslim restaurant?

Allah carte.

How is a Muslim at Ramadan like Sonic the Hedgehog?

They both gotta go fast.

What's the most commonly used Muslim woman punch called?

Hijab

Where does a Muslim learn to swim?

Inshallah water.

What does a Muslim magician say before his trick?

Araba-cadabra

How do Muslims like their food served?

Allah Carte

What does a Muslim man call a girl he is living in sin with?

Haram bea

What's the most believed oxymoron?

Peaceful muslims

What is its Muslim equivalent?

A kaboom!

What do you call a fast food joint that caters specifically to muslims?

Allahuh Snackbar

What does a muslim man call a woman he wants to sleep with, but can't due to religious reasons?

Harambae

What did the Muslim on a surfboard say?

Aloha Akbar!

What is the only type of alcohol muslims are allowed to drink?

TAKBEER!

What do Muslim gamers say at the start of Ramadan?

Gotta go fast!

How did the Muslim find the goat in the field?

Very Satisfying.

What s a Muslim s favorite cologne?

GERMANY!!!!

What is a Muslims favourite video game?

Goat simulator

Who would still buy a Note 7 after all the controversy?

A Muslim

What bee is forbidden to the Muslims?

Haram-bee

What's Lance Armstrong's favorite pen brand?

Uniball. What's a Muslim's favorite pen Arab Bic. What's a deaf-mute's favorite pen Pentel.

Why did the Muslim take his Note 7 onto an airplane?

Do I really have to answer that Who doesn't bring their phone with them when they travel

What does a Muslim pirate say?

Allahu Ackbarrrrr!

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Cook Jokes More Cook Jokes

How do you make German potato pancakes?

Cook them in the microwave

What do zombies use to prepare their turkeys for cooking on the smoker?

Briiiiines...

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A lot, apparently. Have you seen their new building?

How many light bulbs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Light bulb.

Explode Jokes More Explode Jokes

Why are Samsung phones so popular?

Because you C4 of them exploding every day

What is a terrorists favourite food?

Anything Allah-cart. I found it funny. I was exploding with laughter.

Muslim Man Jokes More Muslim Man Jokes

Why are Muslim men allowed 4 wives?

Because "Islam gives women equal rights!"

What did the muslim man say when he arrived at his resort in Hawaii?

Aloha Snackbar!

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What did the horse say to the other horse?

Hay,I thought you knew horses couldn't speak!

What's the difference between a statesman and a politician?

A statesman is a dead politician. God knows we need more statesman.

Foreplay Jokes More Foreplay Jokes

What does the Russian President's wife scream during foreplay?

Putin! Putin!

What's the difference between foreplay and KFC?

Once you're finished with the breasts and thighs, you're left with a greasy box to put your bone in.

Allow Jokes More Allow Jokes

What does the sign at a nudist Buddhist beach say?

No Bhikkhunis(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bhikkhuni) allowed.

What does the polite racist say?

I will take over now, if you allow.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a reindeer and a snowball?

They're both brown except the snowball.

What's the difference between iron-man and iron woman?

One is a superhero and the other is a command.