Movie Jokes

Why does Willem Dafoe play a villain in a lot of movies?

Duh. Cause he's da foe.

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What makes for a good first date?

NOT MOVIES

What type of movie does a blind person watch?

Black and black movies.

What do you call a movie about dancing robots?

Step Up: Transformers.

What movie contains the most micro aggressions?

Ant Man

What's at the end of every movie?

Insert coin

Where does Arnie sit at the movies?

Aisle B - Back.

What do you call a movie about a low-magnitude Iron ion that skips school?

Ferrous Bueller's Day Off

What's common between a crying baby and a gun?

You must not bring either to the movies.

What rating do pirate movies always get?

PG-13

What is the best city to stream a movie?

Buffa lo

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Why did the cheese maker not enjoy the movie?

In a Dutch accent Not much Gouda

Why should you never watch a movie with a generous Nascar driver?

He might give away spoilers!

Why couldn't the coal worker get into the movie?

He was a miner.

Where does the brown sugar go to watch a movie?

The Cinemon.

What is a geometry teachers favorite movie?

Angles in the Outfield

Why did the strawberry take the fig to the movies?

Because he couldn't find a date!

What's the one movie that Rick Astley won't let you borrow?

He's never gonna give you Up.

What do you cast a containment device out of element 28 in?

MOVIES!

Why doesn't ISIS appear in any Sci-Fi shows or movies?

Because they are set in the future.

What movie did they go to see?

Closed for Winter".

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What did the egg play in the movie?

The egg-stra.

What did Christian Grey say when he read reviews of his movie?

People did not like my movie. I guess I am 50 shades of letdown... But I can sure GET UP"!

Why can't a dog clap in the middle of a movie?

Because it keeps hitting pause.

What would one call a movie about meth addictions?

Need for speed.

Why couldn't the orphan watch the movie?

Because it was PG

What movie did Leonardo DiCaprio's dog recently star in?

The Woof of Wall Street.

What does it mean when a lion roars?

Shut up. The movie is about to start.

Why did the skeleton go to the movies alone?

He didn't have any body to go with him.

What's the name of that movie about the war horse?

War Biscuit

What kind of movies do pirates watch?

ARRRR Rated Movies!

Why couldn't Batman go to the movie?

Because it was rated "PG"

What do you call getting a movie about Norse gods from the Internet?

DownlOdin. What do you call getting a movie about Norse gods from the Internet illegally? Thorrenting.

What do you call someone who confuses Emma Stone and Mila Kunis in a movie?

A bad judge of character.

Who's the laziest doctor at the hospital?

Doctor Dolittle

Why didn't the pirate get into the movie?

It was rated rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Why did the movie critic give the movie he received on a burned disc a 3.14/5?

Because it was pi-rated.

Why couldn't the kid get in to see the pirate movie?

It was rated PG-13, and he was only 11. Plus, he had no money, and his mother didn't want him watching movies like that.

Where do Russians stream movies from?

Nyetflix.

How did the raisin have fun at the movies?

It took a date....

What's that movie about the girl who forgets Adam Sandler every day?

I want to know her secret

What's it like being a grown up?

Me hands her money: When we get to the movies, buy a large popcorn. 10: This is only $2 M: Exactly

What's the one movie Rick won't ever let you borrow?

He won't ever give you *Up*.

What made you leave it?

Well, the movie ended so

What movie should we see?

ME, SECRETLY TRYING TO HARVEST HER INK: Something super scary *I empty my popcorn bucket*

What do you call a movie about artificial orange juice?

Pulp Fiction

What time is our movie tonight?

Me: 7:30. It's 2 hours 50 minutes Hub: WHAT! I CANT STAY UP TILL 10:30 "Back off ladies. He's mine"

What was Arnold Schwarzenegger's answer when asked which historical person he would like to play in a movie?

I'll be Bach.

How can one get rid of the echo while playing a movie?

Get some furniture

What kind of movie do mathematicians most often watch?

Rated movies

Which movie is on every man's bucket list?

Die Hard

How Dave Grohl spent his night in his hotel room after the concert in Gothenburg, Sweden?

He watched movie Cast Away (starring Tom Hanks) and ate some potato chips.

What would be the movie called if it were about you?

You Yourself &amp Urine.

How does the Pirate watch his movie?

He PIRATES them off line. (Or torrents them off Pirates Bay) =)

What did the cat do when he didn't want to watch the movie?

He paws-ed it!

What movie was made when Hannibal Lecter got Paralysed?

Silence of the Limbs

What type of movies can't Batman see?

Parental Guidance.

What did my roommate say when I asked him if he wanted to watch the movie The usual Suspects?

Is it about black people

How long is the movie?

I need to know what time to pick her up.

Why didn't the blondes go to the movies on one buck night?

They couldn't fit a deer into the car.

Where do angles go for fun on the weekends?

To watch movies in the THETA

What did the pirate pirate say on his 80th birthday?

I can't believe I'm still illegally downloading movies at this age!

What did one flea say to the other flea when they came out of the movies?

Should we walk home or take a dog

Where do mermaids go to see movies?

The dive-in

How do they know what that is?

This movie doesn't seem very realistic, you guys.

What movie are you seeing?

M: I'm not.

What do you call a cat that torrents movies?

A copy cat.

What do you like to do in your free time?

Guy: I spy on people. Girl: Really I like to take long walks in the park and go to the movies with my friends. Guy: I know.

Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together?

They heard that under seventeen weren't admitted!

Why couldn't the pirate get into the movie?

Because he was arrested for pirating movies since it's illegal!

Why is Karl Marx credited in so many movies?

OC) Because he wrote the Rom-Communist Manifesto.

What famous pig actor made a movie about Frankenswine?

Boaris Karloff.

What is this movie about?

It is about 2 hours long.

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How do you call it, when the internet is not working in Germany?

InterNEIN

Who is the most popular wizard on the Internet?

Har e-potter.

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How can you get out of a locked room with a piano in it?

Play the piano until you find the right key.

Why are test tube manufacturers always single?

People just seem to find them vial!

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What did Christian Grey say when he read reviews of his movie?

People did not like my movie. I guess I am 50 shades of letdown... But I can sure GET UP"!

What do you call a naked old man crawling out of a coal mine?

50 shades of grey's anatomy

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

How many cashiers does it take to change a light bulb?

Are you kidding They won't even change a five dollar bill.

How do Ethiopians celebrate their kids first birthday?

By putting flowers on the grave.

Review Jokes More Review Jokes

How did the newspaper go about reviewing the opera production?

They followed Standard Opera-rating Procedure

What's the difference between a wide receiver and Ray Rice's wife?

The NFL will review the tape of the wide receiver getting hit

Child Jokes More Child Jokes

What is your sin, child?

My husband and I are arguing That's very common....about my boyfriend.

How do you know that the Invisible Man doesn't have any children?

Because he's not apparent.

Number Jokes More Number Jokes

How did the hippie remember the number of wives he had?

He counted 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi...

What's the number for poison control?

Dancing With the Stars is on and I need to make sure this will be enough.

Enjoy Jokes More Enjoy Jokes

Which web developer enjoys finding bugs?

A spider!

Why don't I enjoy certain middle eastern food?

Because it just makes me falafel.