She's a transparent.
Natural selection.
A redditor
Gloves. Just kidding he couldn't open it to find out
Lourdes. Mother Theresa always goes there.
Hand them a mechanical pencil with the lead out and see how the use it. Child A: look mom I'm a doctor! - expect them to live to 80+ years. Child B: look mom I'm a heroin user! - expect them to live to about 27.
Is this the man I want my kids to spend every second weekend with?
Kid: Mom's last name must be "Darling" because that's what Daddy calls her every time.... Teacher: That's so sweet. What's her first name then? Kid: I think it's "Sorry"....
Because Rudolph intentionally grounded the team...
Toys Arrrrrrrrrrr Us
You don't have to pay for the glue to sniff...
And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you medaling kids!
To remind them why there's no money in it
I stopped butchering goats.
I would've gotten second if it weren't for you medaling kids.
Because it was rated R.
Here in the U.S. we just ask them how many grams are in an ounce.
A kid can joke but a joke cannot kid.
Hello from the other slIIIIiiiIIIIide
His wife and kids.
To go to a better place.
Names!
Lets go play on our bikes.
To show his friends he had guts. And boy, did he have guts.
The chewy center.
Right where you left him
Poverty
They throw silverware on the ground!
Edit: i forgot to say please.
Kid asks, "Where are your buccaneers?" Pirate replies, "They're under my Buccan Hat!"
The slide into poverty.
Names.
It's too complex
GLOVES! Just kidding, he hasn't opened the box yet.
Gloves, but he doesn't know that yet.. since he can't open it.
Probably not. Opie delivered.
An anti-hissy-tamine.
Take your finger out of your ear and listen to me!
Ken always came in a different box.
A wharfanage
Bill and Sue
He was fiddling with the kids. *
You let your 15 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table... in front of her kids.
Because Ken came in another box.
Hip-Pop
Nana boo boo
Kids are their definition of a good time.
Because the bus hit him.
Names
More than you can shake a stick at
He was told not to play with his food.
Making them.
An ambulance.
Theeeeeeeeey Never expect the Spanish Inquisition!
Cause he has a Halloweenie
To get to the other slide. Edit: spelling.
Inconceivable.
Bison
Icy dead people!
Sandiego
Because you don't want them hanging around Parks at night.
A trip without the kids.
They never got a reaction out of him.
Chicks are for kids!
Both are yelling at the same kid.
A kid with cerebral palsy living in Australia
A trip without the kids
Rastafriedrice
Mini-mom wage.
Justin Timberpuddle!
To boldly split infinitives!
Stop using Chex as a weapon!
Because all the kids have to play in side.
The kids walked out of Ice Age 4... Alive
Ken came in a different box.
He was just a nerdy digger.
Mine is: What is the white stuff in bird poop? (That is also bird poop.) edit: til you can't edit the topic to fix spelling errors...
On a scale from Casey Anthony to Jerry Sandusky, how much do you love kids?
It was rated PG-13, and he was only 11. Plus, he had no money, and his mother didn't want him watching movies like that.
Making them!!!
Because they have Hollow-Weinies
Anyone else got some fun jokes your kids have told you?
Kids
Are you kidding She was the most beautiful woman in the world! Can you imagine what her sons would of looked like
Child custardy
Me: (Smacking the bottom of a ketchup bottle) Fresh Tomatoes...
At whine o'clock.
May the force be with you
Because they contain a lot of fowl language.
Her: I'm making Chinese. Me: Cloning's unethical. Hahaha just kidding. Make me a math tutor.
You planet early.
Are you kidding That's a hardware problem!
A kid who loves halalpenos
WIFE: I just...sobbing...don't want the kids to suffer ME: Eels
He had a lot of aspirations.
Me: I don't have kids. I just heard the teachers here are hot. T: M: How you doin'
Me *turns around and goes back out*
They're too mature for their taste
Because he knows where the naughty girls live. (a kid told me this one)
Gloves! nah don't know, it hasn't opened the present yet
Ever opened a grilled-cheese sandwich?
Peers
Your domain or mine
Because they knew the "12" will be deflated during/after Superbowl.
About 12 letters
Ph.P.
A Humblebee.
It's just nice having an extra set of hands around.
When she hands out long sentences.
They're both staples.
He had a chicken stapled to his face.
Wade
Poor, Old, Niagga, Thinks, It's, A, Cadillac. Ba dum tssss
Santa isn't real.
WRAP MUSIC!
