She's a transparent.
Natural selection.
A redditor
Harambe tried to save the kids.
Gloves. Just kidding he couldn't open it to find out
The electoral college in 2016.
Lourdes. Mother Theresa always goes there.
Hand them a mechanical pencil with the lead out and see how the use it. Child A: look mom I'm a doctor! - expect them to live to 80+ years. Child B: look mom I'm a heroin user! - expect them to live to about 27.
Is this the man I want my kids to spend every second weekend with?
Kid: Mom's last name must be "Darling" because that's what Daddy calls her every time.... Teacher: That's so sweet. What's her first name then? Kid: I think it's "Sorry"....
Because Rudolph intentionally grounded the team...
Toys Arrrrrrrrrrr Us
You don't have to pay for the glue to sniff...
Pit-bull in kids sandpit
And I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you medaling kids!
To remind them why there's no money in it
I stopped butchering goats.
I would've gotten second if it weren't for you medaling kids.
Nothing. You already told him twice.
Because it was rated R.
Because it's pretty depressing to have a Tamagotchi that'll out-live you.
Here in the U.S. we just ask them how many grams are in an ounce.
I may be blind, but I can see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
A kid can joke but a joke cannot kid.
Hello from the other slIIIIiiiIIIIide
His wife and kids
Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
His wife and kids.
To go to a better place.
Names!
Lets go play on our bikes.
Names
To show his friends he had guts. And boy, did he have guts.
They throw silverware down the stairs.
Just kidding about the white part.
The chewy center.
Right where you left him
Aushwitz
Poverty
They throw silverware on the ground!
Because all they can do is bone.
Edit: i forgot to say please.
Kid asks, "Where are your buccaneers?" Pirate replies, "They're under my Buccan Hat!"
The slide into poverty.
Names.
It's too complex
GLOVES! Just kidding, he hasn't opened the box yet.
Gloves, but he doesn't know that yet.. since he can't open it.
Probably not. Opie delivered.
An anti-hissy-tamine.
Take your finger out of your ear and listen to me!" I saw this in a Highlights magazine when I was a kid.
Ken always came in a different box.
A wharfanage
He heard there was lots of Kids there.
Bill and Sue
It was obvious he was kidding.
He was fiddling with the kids. *
You let your 15 year old daughter smoke at the dinner table... in front of her kids.
Because Ken came in another box.
Because she's always drinking from the coup de Grace. (This was my sister's favourite joke when we were kids. Once our mum flipped out on a long car journey because she told it too many times).
Hip-Pop
Nana boo boo
Kids are their definition of a good time.
Because the bus hit him.
Bcoz they are single, have no kids, got nailed and serve alcoholic beverage.
More than you can shake a stick at
He was told not to play with his food.
Making them.
An ambulance.
Theeeeeeeeey Never expect the Spanish Inquisition!
Peekaboo.
The cheque I just sent to Save the Children.
Cause he has a Halloweenie
To get to the other slide. Edit: spelling.
Inconceivable.
Bison
Icy dead people!
Sandiego (The first joke I ever made as a kid)
Because you don't want them hanging around Parks at night.
A trip without the kids.
They never got a reaction out of him.
Chicks are for kids!
Both are yelling at the same kid.
Because she married Mr. Softy!
A kid with cerebral palsy living in Australia
A trip without the kids
Rastafriedrice
Hey, teacher, leave those kids alone!
Mini-mom wage.
Justin Timberpuddle!
To boldly split infinitives!
Stop using Chex as a weapon!
Because all the kids have to play in side.
The kids walked out of Ice Age 4... Alive
Ken came in a different box.
He was just a nerdy digger.
Because he might fiddle with your kids.
Mine is: What is the white stuff in bird poop? (That is also bird poop.) edit: til you can't edit the topic to fix spelling errors...
About 3000 miles!
One rocks the mic, while the other mocks the reich.
Wait for it... wait for it...) brucilage!!!!!!!!
About five gallons of gasoline," I replied.
To get to the other side!
The sight of premature Ejack-o-lanterns in the neighborhood. I'm a Dad so this joke is OK
Gloves! Haha I'm joking. He hasn't opened it yet.
Santa Jaws!
Carpet burn
She was trying to find the lowest prices
Nirvana
A tiger moth!
12 Casualties
12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.
Full speed ahead
I've fallen and I can't giddyup.
