What's the best part of having kids?

Making them.

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What kind of medicine do you give a kid having a fit?

An anti-hissy-tamine.

How do you stop the neighbours kids from playing in your yard?

Molest them

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What did Simon's dad, Paul, say to his son to encourage him just before he went to compete in the National Leg Breaking Championships?

Have a good one, son.

What's the best part about dating 26 year olds?

There's twenty of them.