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Shoot Jokes

Why do Democrats push for more gun control?

Because they can't stop shooting themselves in the foot.

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What's the difference between a feminist and a gun?

Some people are against shooting guns.

What's the difference between a penalty shot in basketball, and a tiny curly wig designed for a bug?

One is a free throw, and the other is a flea 'fro.

How are Harambe memes keeping up?

Cincinnati Zoo keeps trying to shoot them down.

What did Plaxico Burress say when he read Colin Kaepernick's Tweets?

Man, this guy just keeps shooting himself in the foot".

Why are Americans so good at shooting?

They have the best schools for it.

How would America win gold medals in shooting for the Olympics?

They take their prison population and school population to Rio.

How do you know a neighborhood is too ghetto to film in?

If most people leave before shooting starts.

Why do people prefer shooting stars to vegetables?

Because they're meteor

Why did the policeman shoot the empty LED?

It was a black one.

Who Shot First? Boba Fett or Jango Fett?

Han Solo

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Why do Black People hate country music?

Because when they hear "Hoe Down" they think their sister got shot.

What do you call a child who shoots with twigs at a PTSD victim?

TWIGERING

Whats white and likes to shoot?

Kevin Nash

What do you call a fake psychic who was found out and now shoots up in ditches?

A high medium low

What did Courtney Love say before shooting Kurt Cobain?

Hole is going to be huge!

What's in a Paul Walker shot?

An Irish car bomb followed by a shot of Fireball

What's the difference between a sniper with bad eyesight and a constipated owl?

One shoots but can't hit, the other hoots but can't sh...

What's the most casual crime you can commit?

Shooting the breeze.

What's the difference between spider man and Superman?

Peter Parker can shoot webs. Clark Kent.

What did Joss say on the last day of shooting the Avengers?

Whedon?

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What did the man say when he couldn't get the gun to fire?

Looks like I'm gonna have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.

What's the difference between heroin and the cast of the jersey shore?

I wouldn't shoot heroin.

Why did the 3-legged dog go back to Dodge City?

To see who shot his "paw."

Why was the actor detained by airport security?

He said he was in town to shoot a pilot.

Where do people who say "shoot" and "darn" go to?

Heck

What kind of soldier doesn't need bullets?

The kind of soldier that's always shooting his mouth off.

Why do the Republicans defend the 2nd amendment so hard?

They need it to shoot themselves in the foot.

How did Brandon Lee's wife get pregnant?

The prop guy said he was shooting blanks!

What do you call a Car Bomb shot with a shot of Fireball?

A Paul Walker.

Why do neutrons shoot through dense material, but get reflected by softer material during Radiography?

Have always been curious of this.

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What happened to your car?

SON: Transmission is shot. Reverse doesn't work. DAD: Well... SON: Don't- DAD: There's no going back now

Why did the cowboy brush his teeth with gunpowder?

So he could shoot his mouth off.

What do you call a camera that shoots out true facts about an ancient Phoenician city?

A Canon, Canaan-canon cannon... (I'm not sorry...)

Why is cupid bad at basketball?

When he shoots, someone else scores.

What did the priest use to forgive the sinners that shot up his church?

A holey Bible. And, yet, it still made more sense than Scientology.

What happened to the gun that kept randomly shooting?

He got fired.

What'd you do this weekend?

I was shooting craps. "Oh you went to a casino " *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah.

What do cells say when their sister shoots their foot?

Mitosis

What do you call two line dancers doing the dance Shoot the Rooster?

A. A Pair of Shoot (parachute)

Why do heroine addicts rarely have meetings late in the afternoon?

Because it's dangerous to shoot for 3 or even 4.

What stars go to jail?

Shooting stars.

Why was Star Wars shot Episodes 4, 5, 6, then 1, 2, 3?

Because in charge of directing, Yoda was

Why are rubber tires black?

So the police know what to shoot at during a chase

Why are criminals so good at basketball?

They shoot first and ask questions later.

What do you call a group of cattle sent into orbit?

The first herd shot round the world!

What's the difference between a lawyer and a duck?

People sometimes get upset if you shoot a duck. The duck is much less greasy. BUT MOST IMPORTANT Nobody ever complains about a duck's bill.

What's the difference between a gun and amnesia?

Oh shoot, I forgot...

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What do snakes take to combat their allergies?

Anti-hissss-tamines!

School Shooting Jokes More School Shooting Jokes

Why do so many American kids die in school shootings?

They're not allowed to run in the halls.

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

What do women and police cars have in common?

They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.

How are women and rocks alike?

You skip across the flat ones.

Bank Robber Jokes More Bank Robber Jokes

Why did the bank robber take a bath?

So he could make a clean getaway.

Why did the bank robber go to the chiropractor?

Because he had a crook in his neck.

Honour Jokes More Honour Jokes

What do you call the system of honour of French horses?

Chevalry

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What's life like with alchohol?

Depressing. What's life like without alchohol? Depressing. I need friends.

Why did the bear start playing music when the priest tried to absolve him of his sins?

Because the priest said "Bear, atone" and the bear thought he said "baritone" as in "play the baritone sax now". The bear immediately started wailing away on the sax, rocking back and forth so hard he knocked over all the prayer candles and almost snapped his own spine. All the priest could do was ask the lord for the strength needed to get this bear into heaven.

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

What do you call a soda in love?

A Crush

Why does the lead singer of Sublime hate tennis?

Cause love is what I got

Answer Jokes More Answer Jokes

When your partner asks how many people you have ever slept with, answering 'what did I say the last time you asked?

Is unwise, apparently.

What does a microcontroller say when it can't answer a question?

Ardunno