Group Jokes

The Lakers. (Laker fan here. Sorry prob would have been more appropriate last week during the finals.) Edit: I heard this some where the other day. I can't take credit for the joke.

April Sale

Why do Russian police officers always work in groups of three?

One of them can read, and one of them can write. The third one is there to keep an eye on the two intellectuals.

What do you call a group of rioters attacking a music store?

Luters

What do you call a group of fundamentalist mathematicians?

Al-Gebra

What do you call a group of yogurt loving boat enthusiast?

A Yacult...

What do you call a group of people from Portugal?

Portugeese

What do you call it when a group of chickens rebel against their farmers?

Coop d'etah

What do you call a group of politically similar crows?

A cawcus

What do you call a group of JD Salingers?

A Humble Hindi Bundle.

How many members of an identifiable group does it take to perform a common task?

A certain number! One to actually perform the task, and the rest to act in a manner stereotypical of the group.

What do you call a group of environmentalists in jail?

Collared Greens'

How many members of a certain demographic group does it take to perform a specified task?

A finite number: one to perform the task and the remainder to act in a manner stereotypical of the group in question.

What do you call a group of Japanese people running up a hill?

Tsunami Warning

What do you call a group of Vigilante Aussie Nuns?

Birds of Pray

What is the term for a group of Canadians?

Is it "an apology" "Oh look, there goes an apology of Canadians"

Why do the KGB operate in groups of three?

A. "One can read, one can write and one to keep an eye on the two intellectuals."

What do you call a group that only wants a Ninja?

Goad-diggers.

What do you call a group of medical professionals who navigate around the Horn of Africa without being accosted by pirates?

Doctors without boarders.

What do you call a reptile that loves putting things in groups?

A segreGATOR

Which group of people are the best at jazz?

The Saxons!

What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?

Go into town and gang-audit someone.

What do you call it when a group of ghosts rob a bank?

A polterheist.

Why do groups of birds always seem so shady?

Cuz they're always flockin' around

What do you call a group of students?

A school.

What do you call a group of squid?

A squad

What do you call a group of elephants?

A pack o'derms

What do you call a group of Lexus cars?

A fortune!

What do you call a group of babies?

An Infantry

What is the name for a group of Bankers?

A WUNCH.

What do you call a group of people addicted to Japanese drugs?

We abuse

What do you call a group of singing people floating around in the ocean?

An acappellago

What do you call a group that keeps getting bigger?

A crew.

What do you call a group of alcoholics with the same name?

Alcoholics synonymous.

What do you call a group of pillaging Huns?

An army of Hun-dread.

What do you call a group of goose haunting you?

A poltergeest

What do you call a group of famous people?

Constellation.

What do you call it when a group of Germans give you money online?

Kraut funding

What do you call a group of elderly virgins?

Dried Cherries

What do you call a group of 10 insects that live in a housing complex?

Tenants

What do you call a group of squids?

A *squad*

What is the collective noun for a group of depressives?

A melancolony

What do you call a group of 8 hobbits?

A hobbyte Cortana told me that joke

What do you call a group of white people sitting on the bench?

A basketball team.

What do you call a group of religious oranges?

Jehovah's citruses.

What do you call a group of Ocelot?

An Awful-lot.

What do you call a group of people standing in the Arctic circle?

A Finnish line.

What's the difference between a group of snowboarders and lifties (lift attendants)?

The lift attendants have jobs.

What do you call a group of Combi's?

A Combi nation!

What do you call a group of euphorics?

A fedoration.

Why didn't Rick Grimes settle his group in an abandoned senior center?

Too many walkers.

What do you call a group of rappers in a washing up bowl?

In Sink!

What do you call a white guy surrounded by a group of black guys?

Coach.

What do you call a group of dead geologists?

Mineral Spirits

How does a group of dolphin's make a decision?

Flipper coin!

What do you call a group of armpit farters?

A pit orchestra. Bonus: World Record for Armpit Farts in 15s(https://recordsetter.com/world-record/most-armpit-farts-15-seconds/9602)

What happened to the girl who went fishing with a group of men?

She returned home with a red snapper.

What do you call a group of invading pirates?

An **Arrr**my

What's the difference between extremist and /r/thedonald?

At least one group can grow a beard.

What do you do with percussionists that lose one of their drumsticks?

Stick them up front of the group and tell them to wave their arms!

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, but I bet we could pay them less than a group of men for the same amount of work.

What do you call a group of ears?

A heard

What do you call a group of zombies watching The Sixth Sense while on a cruise?

High Seas Dead People

What do you call a group of undead police officers?

Zombie Acopalypse

What do you call a group of nit picky redditors?

A headache.

What do you call a group of people in charge of renewable energy for a town?

A solar panel.

What do you call a group of kids?

A migraine

What do you call a group of Amish children?

Amlets.

What is a group of endermen called?

A basketball team

What do you call a group of cars?

A clutch!

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Perform Jokes More Perform Jokes

How many members of a certain demographic group does it take to perform a specified task?

A finite number: one to perform the task and the remainder to act in a manner stereotypical of the group in question.

Why can't my girlfriend perform at open mic night?

Because she's a cover thief.

Act Jokes More Act Jokes

What do you get when you cross dancing and an act of god?

Deus Ex Macarena

How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb a tree and act like a nut.

Child Jokes More Child Jokes

What are the similarities between my work shirt and the children of Flint, MI?

They both were recently ironed.

What do electric trains and women's breasts have in common?

They were originally intended for children but it's the men who play with them the most.

Woman Track Team Jokes More Woman Track Team Jokes

Recede Jokes More Recede Jokes

Why is my hairline receding?

Barber: It's not. Your scalp is advancing.

What are four hundred rabbits hopping backwards?

A receding hare line.

Sing Jokes More Sing Jokes

Why does Helen Keller play the piano with only one hand?

Because she uses the other one to sing.

How many country singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw in the lightbulb and another to sing about all the good times they had with the lightbulb.

Specify Task Jokes More Specify Task Jokes

How many members of a certain demographic group does it take to perform a specified task?

A finite number: one to perform the task and the remainder to act in a manner stereotypical of the group in question.

How many members of an ethnicity does it take to perform a specified task?

A finite number! One member to perform the task, and the rest to behave in a manner stereotypical to the ethnicity in question.

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

Why did the bear start playing music when the priest tried to absolve him of his sins?

Because the priest said "Bear, atone" and the bear thought he said "baritone" as in "play the baritone sax now". The bear immediately started wailing away on the sax, rocking back and forth so hard he knocked over all the prayer candles and almost snapped his own spine. All the priest could do was ask the lord for the strength needed to get this bear into heaven.

Why couldn't Cinderella play soccer?

She always ran away from the ball

Group Jokes

What do you call a group of ravens?

Everyday Deserves a Joke

What do you call a group of rabbits walking backward?

What do you call a group of spoiled children?

What Do You Call A Group Of Terrorists That Love to Smoke Weed?

How can you attract a group of like minded friends?

What do you call a group of bankers?

What do you call a group of dogs?

What did the candy say as they saw a group of intimidating crackers approach?

What's the similarity to Group A streptococci and feminists?

What do you call a group of philosophers?

What do you call a group of armed nuns enforcing the status quo?

Love Card

How do cows move in groups?

What do you call a group of Spanish-speaking moms who band together to protect their neighborhood?

What do you call a group of scientists discussing different ways to recycle power?

What do you call a group of trees?

What is the difference between a bachelorette party and Cirque du Soleil?

What do you call a group of scientologist almonds?

What do you call a group of 5 guys named Curtis that are all wearing matching suits?

How did the group of 4 dogs win the golf tournament?

What do you call a group of very traditional orthopedic surgeons?

What do you call a group of kangaroos?

Your Age Is Only Math

What did the group of unborn babies say when they were hungry?

What do you call a group of sorority girls/fraternity guys standing in a circle?

Why should you never trust advice from a group of gryphons?

What's the difference between parents who don't vaccinate their children and ISIS?

What do you call a group of twelve, angry, well-endowed men?

What do you call an elevator with a group of slim, softly spoken, intelligent people inside?

Why do soviet policemen travel in groups of three?

What do you get if you group 8 sodium atoms together?

What do you call a group of rabbits, standing single file, hopping backwards?

What do you call a group of millionaires sitting around watching the NBA finals?

Birthday State of Mind

Why do Russian police officers always work in groups of three?

What do you call a group of rioters attacking a music store?

What do you call a group of fundamentalist mathematicians?

What do you call a group of yogurt loving boat enthusiast?

What do you call a group of people from Portugal?

What do you call it when a group of chickens rebel against their farmers?

What do you call a group of politically similar crows?

What do you call a group of JD Salingers?

How many members of an identifiable group does it take to perform a common task?

What do you call a group of environmentalists in jail?

How many members of a certain demographic group does it take to perform a specified task?

What do you call a group of Japanese people running up a hill?

What do you call a group of Vigilante Aussie Nuns?

What is the term for a group of Canadians?

Why do the KGB operate in groups of three?

What do you call a group that only wants a Ninja?

What do you call a group of medical professionals who navigate around the Horn of Africa without being accosted by pirates?

What do you call a reptile that loves putting things in groups?

Which group of people are the best at jazz?

What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?

What do you call it when a group of ghosts rob a bank?

Why do groups of birds always seem so shady?

What do you call a group of students?

What do you call a group of squid?

What do you call a group of elephants?

What do you call a group of Lexus cars?

What do you call a group of babies?

What is the name for a group of Bankers?

What do you call a group of people addicted to Japanese drugs?

What do you call a group of singing people floating around in the ocean?

What do you call a group that keeps getting bigger?

What do you call a group of alcoholics with the same name?

What do you call a group of pillaging Huns?

What do you call a group of goose haunting you?

What do you call a group of famous people?

What do you call it when a group of Germans give you money online?

What do you call a group of elderly virgins?

What do you call a group of 10 insects that live in a housing complex?

What do you call a group of squids?

What is the collective noun for a group of depressives?

What do you call a group of 8 hobbits?

What do you call a group of white people sitting on the bench?

What do you call a group of religious oranges?

What do you call a group of Ocelot?