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Question Jokes

Why did the fishing boat captain hire an all Mexican crew?

Because in the interview they answered every question with "sea senor"

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What does a microcontroller say when it can't answer a question?

Ardunno

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic, and a dyslexic?

Somebody who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question whether or not theres a dog.

How, would you answer this question?

No. -How

How does William Shakespeare make chili?

With beans? Or not with beans? That is the question.

What do call an old man that asks questions?

Pop Quiz

What is the first question you ask a baby cow, after its gotten over an illness?

How are you vealing?

How many questions did the politician answer?

9/11

Why did the Skeleton cross the road?

Question: Why did the Skeleton cross the road? Answer: To go to the body shop.

What is it called when you ride around on a horse asking people questions?

A gallop poll.

What's the answer for question #2?

2.B or not 2.B

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Where is Jennifer's husband?

Jennifer is 21 years older than her son Douglas. 6 years from now, Jennifer will be 5 times as old as Douglas. Question: Where is Jennifer's husband? Solution: J=D+21 J+6=5(D+6) According to my math, Douglas has 3/4 years, which means -9 months. Pregnancy lasts for nine months, so Jennifer's husband is in the bed with her right now. Sauce:

Which came first: the chicken or the egg?

Trick question the rooster.

How do you fit 50 elephants into a subway station?

You take the letter "f" out of the word "way" (there's no f in way) *joke works best when the person being asked the question has to think about it for some time and says the phrase themselves without realizing what they said

Why did the gynecologist get taken in for questioning?

He smelled a little fishy. Edit: a word.

Why do you make more money?

A heart surgeon takes his Cadillac to his mechanic to get his engine fixed. When he returns a few days after to pick up the car, the mechanic calls him over to show him something. He says, "Okay Doc, I've changed the seals out and fixed everything up but I have one question. The engine is to the car as the heart is to the body. Why is it that you make some much more money than me?" The doctor examines the engine carefully and says, "try fixing it while the engine is running."

What came first?

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

How many members of an ethnicity does it take to perform a specified task?

A finite number! One member to perform the task, and the rest to behave in a manner stereotypical to the ethnicity in question.

How many members of a certain demographic group does it take to perform a specified task?

A finite number: one to perform the task and the remainder to act in a manner stereotypical of the group in question.

What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?

Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I told them nothing.

Whoever answers my next question, can go home One boy throws his bag out the window. Teacher: Who just threw that?

Boy: Me and I'm going home now.

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When you ask me a question, would you prefer the blank stare or the eye roll as a response?

I like to be prepared.

Who's there! Chair! Chair who?

Chair you go again asking more questions!

What is the opposite of peace?

Is the question.

What is the only correct answer to the question 'Are you ticklish?

I have explosive diarrhea.

Why must you question everything I say!?

Everything " I replied

How did the writer pop the question?

He per-prosed

What is not the answer to this question?

Not this.

Why do Blondes wear padded shoulders?

So they don't get a concussion while bobbing their from head side to side as they are saying "I don't know " whenever you ask them a question.

What if loving you is gross?

That's the question.

What did Hamlet say when he was thinking of sending a message?

To e or not to e that is the question.

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Why I'm Breaking Up With You" Him: Wait, what the--?

Me: Please hold all questions until the end.

What did Shakespeare ask his doctor when he was afraid he had tuberculosis?

TB or not TB, that is the question.

How did the rice crispy propose to the cornflake?

It Snapped, Crackled and Popped the question.

Why ever not?

The teacher doesn't know a thing all she does is ask questions!

What did William Shakespeare say regarding atomic orbitals?

2p or not 2p, that is the question.

What is your fee?

Lawyer says: "1000 US dollars for 3 questions." Man: "Wow - so much! Isn't it a bit expensive " Lawyer: "Yes, what is your third question "

Where do I see myself in 5 years?

May 2019. Next question.

What is the question most frequently asked by a philosopher?

Would you like ketchup with your chips

What happened to German Orphans after WW2?

Did they ever get back on the Reich track (I saw the post in /r/history earlier and was disappointed to find it was a serious question. I fixed it.)

What mom loves... Son: Mom, why is my cousin's name rose?

Mom: Well son, your aunt really loves flowers! Son: Mom, what do you love Mom: Richard, stop asking so many questions!

How did I get here?

I'm sure my neighbors ask the same question every time they catch me in their house...taking a shower.

What do you call a Vulcan philosopher who only responds in questions?

Spocrates.

How did Bruce and Alfred build the Batcave all by themselves?

The Lord: I meant any questions about the mysteries of existence

What question must always be answered "Yes"?

What does Y-E-S spell

What asks no question but demands an answer?

A doorbell or a ringing telephone.

What do you call a loonie answering questions on reddit?

DollarAMA. *Only Canadians will get it, sorry.

Who Wants to be a Millionaire messes up while reading the question?

A Regis Error.

Why are you home from school so early?

Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question." Mother: "Oh really What was the question Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal "

Where can you go on Reddit to ask questions?

Not /r/movies.

What did the customer say to the barber after looking at a facial hair catalog?

I moustache you a question about this style shown here, good sir.

Why would an alien ever visit Roswell?

Fill in the blank or answer the question.

How many 1st AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Why are you asking me that question Can't you see I'm busy!

What happens if I throw up in the red shoe bin by the door?

Me: Why is your question alarmingly specific 4: No reason.

How do you know if your friend, "Doesn't even OWN a TV?

Because it's this answer to every question you ask them. "Did you hear about the President's new policy on... " "I don't even OWN a TV!"

Why do the Irish always answer questions with another question?

He said, "do we now "

When I see a "How am I driving?

Sticker, I want to take the driver in my arms and tell them that I too have questions about my existence

What did she say about me?

Friend: She said you ask too many questions Me: She said that Too many questions Really Me...What else

How many chameleons are in the room with you right now?

You can never answer this question with 100% certainty.

Why are criminals so good at basketball?

They shoot first and ask questions later.

How much for a consultation?

Three questions for $150 bucks." "Kinda steep, isn't it " "Yeah, now what's your last question."

How many people does it take to change a light bulb?

Is just one of the questions I should have asked before buying a lighthouse....

What was the question?

Son: "Who's farted"

How did I clear papers of Islamic Studies?

Have faith, don't question.

What State do you go to to ask questions?

Al-ask-ya

What is the question?

Does Wagner begin with a "V"

Who's sorry now?

First question on Canadian citizenship exam

What did the gangster's son tells his dad when he failed his examination?

Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours, but I told them nothing!!!

What are some of your strengths?

Me: Shifting the blame HR: That's a horrible reply Me: No, your question was! HR: Wow, you're good!

How many 1st AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Why are you asking me that question Can't you see I'm busy!

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Interview Jokes More Interview Jokes

Why did the fishing boat captain hire an all Mexican crew?

Because in the interview they answered every question with "sea senor"

What did the police say when they finished interviewing Dylann Roof?

You're hired

Principal Jokes More Principal Jokes

Why did the schoolteacher who was in love with head of the school take out a loan with the bank?

Because she had an interest in the principal.

What do you mean the school must be haunted?

Daughter: Well the principal kept going on about the school spirit.

Trick Question Jokes More Trick Question Jokes

How many magicians does it take to pull a rabbit out of a hat?

One. It's a trick question.

How many protestors do you need to change a lightbulb?

Trick question. Protestors don't change anything.

Son Jokes More Son Jokes

What did the ship captain say when his son learned to float?

That's my buoy!

What did the overbearing mother melon say to her son and his girlfriend?

You Cantaloupe.

Friend Jokes More Friend Jokes

What does Sherlock call his friends?

His Holmies

Why did Ibuprofen miss his friends?

Because Paracetamol on fire.

Hire Jokes More Hire Jokes

Why did the fishing boat captain hire an all Mexican crew?

Because in the interview they answered every question with "sea senor"

Why should we hire the chickpeas to be part of our choir?

They could hummus a song! (I was really proud of this one.)

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

How did the coprophilic marine respond when asked what the most important thing in life was?

Duty. Honor.

What does a guy want more than anything in the world?

It doesn't matter. He has to ask his wife first.

Lawyer Jokes More Lawyer Jokes

What's wrong with lawyer jokes?

Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes.

What is the proper weight for a lawyer?

About 3 pounds.......not counting the urn!