Mexican Jokes

What car does a Mexican drive?

A Quebrolet.

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What music do they play in a Mexican bathroom?

Earth wind and fire

What do the cristae of the mitochondria and the Mexican border have in common?

Depending what you're charged with can really effect how easily you're getting across.

What's a Mexican's favorite sport?

Cross Country.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball against each other?

Juan v Juan

Why did the Mexican throw his wife over the cliff?

Tequila

What does the octopus order at the local Mexican restaurant?

Ten tacos

Which 3 words will make a Mexican tremble in fear?

Round of 16

Why did the Mexican jump the border?

To get back to Mexico

What do you call a Mexican wrestler that only fights during his 12:00 break?

A lunchador.

What do you call your Mexican friend living in Oklahoma?

Your Oklahomie.

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Why were Mexicans celebrating at a stop sign?

They saw it as a sign to pare.

How do you call a Mexican who lost his car?

Carlos.

How do they count the Mexican immigrants?

They start with Juan

Why didn't the Mexican go now hunting?

Because he didn't habanero.

Why did the fishing boat captain hire an all Mexican crew?

Because in the interview they answered every question with "sea senor"

Why was the Mexican bad at archery?

He didn't habanero

What's a Mexican's favorite breakfast cereal?

Tacos.

What's a Mexican's favourite video game?

Borderlands.

Why did the Mexican girl get pregnant?

Because her teacher told her to do an essay

What do you call Harper Lee's Mexican flying animal?

Tequila Mockingbird.

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How do Mexicans cut their pizza?

Little Caesars

What do you call a can made in Mexico?

A Mexican.

What do you call a Mexican skeleton's favorite drug?

Marrow-Juan-a.

What did the Mexican do when he arrived in America?

Removed

What is a Mexican's favorite FPS?

Borderlands.

What did the Mexican gang member say when two large houses fell on him during an earthquake?

Get off me, homes.

What is a Mexicans closing sales pitch?

Kay-so-deal-a?

What is the advantage that Mexican workers have over everyone else?

Their "Senor"ity!

Why were there 5 Mexicans in a Ford?

It was a Fiesta

What do you call a Mexican on a riding lawnmower?

Promoted.

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What do you call 4 Mexicans in quick sand?

Cuatro cinco

What was the Mexican owl's name?

Whoooolio.

What did the Mexican Plumber call his second son?

Hose B

What do you call 4 Mexicans in quicksand?

Quatro cinco

What do you call a Mexican that had his car stolen?

Carloss

What do you call a Mexican rolling in sand?

A churro.

What did the Mexican say when his house collapsed on him?

Hey, get off me homes!

What does a stoner order at a Mexican restaurant?

Carne asuuuuhhduuh

What's the difference between Mexicans and Jesus?

Jesus didn't have tattoos of Mexicans all over body

What do you call 10 Mexican kids in a school?

A construction site

How do Mexicans greet Dr. Seuss?

Jesus!

What do you throw a drowning Mexican?

His wife and kids.

Why did the Mexican civil war last so long?

Because they were fighting Juan on Juan.

How does the Mexican national anthem start?

Jose can you see.....

What do you call a Mexican detective?

Sherlock, homes

Why didn't the Mexican take Xanax?

He was barred.

What do you call a half Mexican half Japanese jedi master?

Obi Juan Shinobi

What's the difference between a Mexican and a computer?

You only have to punch the information into a computer once.

Whats the closest a Mexican will ever be to happiness?

The border.

Why did the young Mexican solve the problem so easily?

It was a no buena My girlfriend is Mexican so I love Mexican jokes. Let me know if you have one!

How many Mexicans are needed to change a light bulb?

Juan.

Why was Jesus not Mexican?

No matter how hard God looked, he could not find three wise men or a virgin anywhere in Mexico

How can you ask a Mexican if their zodiac sign is leo?

Julio

What did the Mexican fire chief name his two sons?

Jose and Hose "B."

What do a cue ball and a Mexican have in common?

The harder you hit them, the more English you get out of them.

What did the Mexican say when two houses fell on him?

Get off me homes.

Why hasn't there been a Mexican Disney Princess?

Because everyone would just think it's a quinceaera

What does a Mexican duck say?

GUACK

Why are Mexicans good at bow hunting?

Because they hav-an-arrow!

What is another name for a pregnant Mexican dog?

A puppy piata

What's a Mexican sound technician's favorite cereal?

AudiO's

What do you call a fight between a Mexican and Jared Fogle?

Alien vs Predator.

What are a Mexican's favorite dimensions for square dancing?

Dos y dos

What car transmission do Mexicans use?

Manuel.

How do you get a Mexican across the border using only math?

Carry the Juan

What do you call a top-ranking Mexican dude that oversees everything?

Seor Manager

How do Mexican dogs say "hello" when in Japan?

Konnichihuahua

What are Mexican hackers called?

BanDDoS

Which video game do Mexicans play the most?

Borderlands

How Do Mexicans Play Basketball?

Juan on Juan.

Where do Mexicans get their car parts?

From Vato Zone

Why couldn't the Mexican work a wrench?

I don't know. Torqu?

What did the Mexican doctor tell the Lone Ranger?

Estas muriendo. Tu necesitas chemo. Sabe?

Why did the Mexican push his wife off the building?

Te-quil-a

What do Mexicans drink in the morning?

Dos Eggys

What do you get when you mix an octopus and a Mexican?

I don't know, but it sure can wash a lot of dishes.

What happened to the Mexican after he took heroin for the third time?

He over 'd

Where do the Mexican truckers hang out?

The guay station.

What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?

Jos and Josb

What's the difference between a Mexican and a notebook?

A notebook has papers.

What do you call a Mexican stationed out at sea?

A Navy Bean

What do Mexican and Black people have in common?

Once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal.

What do you call a Mexican Standoff between two people?

Juan vs. Juan

What did the Mexican firefighter name his twin sons?

Hose A and Hose B

What do Mexicans use to cut their pizza?

Little Caesars.

What is a Mexican's favorite Queen song?

I Juan to break free

How many Mexican clowns can you fit in a car?

No, seriously. Cuz I bet it's a lot

What did the Mexican say when his roof fell on him?

Get off me Holmes!

What do you call a Mexican firefighter?

Jos

How does a Mexican cut their pizza?

Little Caesars

What do Mexican jokes have in common with black jokes?

Once you know Juan, you know Jamal

How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?

Juans upon a time.

What did the black man say to the Mexican?

Hey. Watermelawn.

Why did the Mexican put hot sauce on his taco?

Por flavor

What do you call a Mexican ready-meal?

Dinner for Juan

What's the difference between a Mexican and a park Bench?

The bench can support a family.

What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench?

The bench can support a family of four.

What do Mexican midgets use to cut pizza?

Little Caesars

What did the Mexican fireman name his children?

Jose and Hose B

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Why can't you play peek-a-boo with Jesus?

Because he has holes in his hands

Why is Jesus always sad?

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Why does Jay Z love Christmas?

Because he's the best wrapper alive.

What does the Scottish man say after love making?

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What could have been the most stuppidest result of Napolleonic wars if France won?

Tsar Napoleon.

Who ruled France until he exploded?

Napoleon Blownapart!

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What do you call a German rice cake?

A reich cake

What did the German Footballer name his pet?

Schweinsteiger.

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What signal tells you that a politician is lying?

The lips are moving

How do you confuse a fish?

You put it in a bowl and tell it go to a corner!

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How does one sink, that which floats?

How does one sync, that which floats Well, we type case the variable to make sure that both sides of the equation are of type, floats.

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?

That's where you wash all your vegetables!