Mexican Jokes

How many Mexicans are needed to change a light bulb?

Juan.

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What do you call a Mexican chicken giving directions?

Arrows con Pollo

What do you call a Mexican child molester?

A Pedrophile

How do you get Mexicans out of your house?

Juan by Jaun

Why was Jesus not Mexican?

No matter how hard God looked, he could not find three wise men or a virgin anywhere in Mexico

How can you ask a Mexican if their zodiac sign is leo?

Julio

What Do You Call A Mexican From The Caribbean?

A Carabiner

What did the Mexican fire chief name his two sons?

Jose and Hose "B."

What do a cue ball and a mexican have in common?

The harder you hit them, the more English you get out of them.

What did the Mexican say when two houses fell on him?

Get off me homes.

What do you call a Mexican who acts like a white person?

A Juan-a-be

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Why hasn't there been a Mexican Disney Princess?

Because everyone would just think it's a quinceaera

What brand toothbrush do Mexicans use?

Oral-

What does a Mexican duck say?

GUACK

Why are Mexicans good at bow hunting?

Because they hav-an-arrow!

What is another name for a pregnant Mexican dog?

A puppy piata

What's a Mexican sound technician's favorite cereal?

AudiO's

What do you call a fight between a Mexican and Jared Fogle?

Alien vs Predator.

What are a Mexican's favorite dimensions for square dancing?

Dos y dos

What's the Mexican version of the KKK?

Que? Que? Que?

Why did the Mexican fail English 101?

He wouldn't turn in his essay

What do white people and fences have in common?

They both get jumped by Mexicans.

What car transmission do Mexicans use?

Manuel.

What do you call a Mexican on a bike?

A dirt bike

How do you get a Mexican across the border using only math?

Carry the Juan

What do you call a mexican barber?

El Chapo

What do you call a top-ranking Mexican dude that oversees everything?

Seor Manager

How do Mexican dogs say "hello" when in Japan?

Konnichihuahua

What do you call a Mexican after he gets electrocuted?

Re-fried beans!

How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb?

Juan

What are Mexican hackers called?

BanDDoS

What do you get when you cross a Mexican and an Asian?

A car thief who can't drive

What do you call a Mexican walking on the moon?

An astronaut you racist..

Which video game do Mexicans play the most?

Borderlands

How Do Mexicans Play Basketball?

Juan on Juan.

Where do Mexicans get their car parts?

From Vato Zone

What do you call a short Mexican?

A paragraph, because he's not big enough to be an es.

Why couldn't the Mexican work a wrench?

I don't know. Torqu?

What do you call four Mexicans at the bottom of the ocean?

Quatro Sinko

How many Americans does it take to change a bulb?

None, Mexicans do it for them.

How many Mexicans does it take to pave a driveway?

Six, if you slice them thin enough.

What did the Mexican doctor tell the Lone Ranger?

Estas muriendo. Tu necesitas chemo. Sabe?

Why did the Mexican push his wife off the building?

Te-quil-a

What do mexicans drink in the morning?

Dos Eggys

What do you get when you mix an octopus and a Mexican?

I don't know, but it sure can wash a lot of dishes.

What does a Mexican do when their cake is insulted?

Retorta

What happened to the Mexican after he took heroin for the third time?

He over 'd

Where do the Mexican truckers hang out?

The guay station.

What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?

Jos and Josb

What do you call a Mexican who can't find his vehicle?

Carlos.

What's the difference between a Mexican and a notebook?

A notebook has papers.

What do you call a Mexican little person?

A paragraph because he isn't a full ese (essay)...

What do call a Mexican midget?

A paragraph. Because they're a short es.

Why is a Mexican midget called 'a paragraph'?

Because he's not a full es.

What do you call a Mexican stationed out at sea?

A Navy Bean

What do Mexican and Black people have in common?

Once you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal.

Why can't Mexicans win the Olympics?

Because every one that can run, jump or swim has already crossed the border.

What do you call four Mexicans in quicksand?

Quatro cinco.

What do you call a Mexican woman with no legs?

Consuelo.

What do you call a Mexican Standoff between two people?

Juan vs. Juan

What did the Mexican firefighter name his twin sons?

Hose A and Hose B

What do Mexicans use to cut their pizza?

Little Caesars.

Why are there so few Mexican athletes in the Olympics?

Because most of them who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States.

What did the woman do when she broke up with her boyfriend for her Mexican lover?

Go the other guey.

What is a Mexican's favorite Queen song?

I Juan to break free

Why would you throw a rock at a Mexican man riding a bike?

Because it's probably your bike. Why would you throw a rock at a black man riding a bike? Because it's probably your black man.

How many Mexican clowns can you fit in a car?

No, seriously. Cuz I bet it's a lot

Why do white people not like playing uno with mexicans?

They take all the green cards

How many Mexicans does it take to wax a car?

1 if you hit him just right

What did the Mexican say when his roof fell on him?

Get off me Holmes!

Why do you never play uno with a mexican?

Because they will steal all the green cards.

What do you call a Mexican firefighter?

Jos

How does a Mexican cut their pizza?

Little Caesars

What do Mexican jokes have in common with black jokes?

Once you know Juan, you know Jamal

How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?

Juans upon a time.

What do you call a little Mexican?

A paragraph. Because he's not quite an essay.

What do you call a mexican with two dads?

No mames!

What did the black man say to the Mexican?

Hey. Watermelawn.

Why did the Mexican put hot sauce on his taco?

Por flavor

What the difference between a Mexican and a bench?

The bench can support a family my first post here, a friend told me this joke.

What do you call a mexican drug dealer?

MariJUANa

What do you call a Mexican ready-meal?

Dinner for Juan

What did the Mexican wife say to her Husband?

You'll never be president, Jeb.

What's the difference between a Mexican and a park Bench?

The bench can support a family.

What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench?

The bench can support a family of four.

What do Mexican midgets use to cut pizza?

Little Caesars

What did the Mexican fireman name his children?

Jose and Hose B

What do you call a Mexican cutting a Mobius Strip??

Juan.

How do you pick up Mexican Girls?

Border Patrol.

What happens when you get more than you payed for with a Mexican Gigolo?

The second coming of Jess.

How does a Mexican wrestler enter a room?

Through the Lucha-door.

What do you get when you mix a Mexican and an octopus?

I don't know, but it sure can wash a lot of dishes.

What do Mexicans call a commando?

A Juan man army...

What do you get when you mix a Mexican with an octopus?

I dont know, but it sure as hell can pick apples.

What does a Mexican use to cut pizza with?

Little Caesars!

What's a Mexican pimp's favorite investment?

A putable bond

What's the motto of the Mexican army?

An Army of Juan

What do you call an overweight Mexican?

A MAXican

How do Mexicans cut their pizzas?

With Little Caesars

What do you call a Mexican who is high?

A Baked Bean!

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Asian Jokes More Asian Jokes

What is the least racist animal?

A panda. It's black, it's white and it's Asian.

What did the asian parents call their retarded son?

Sum ting wong

Olympic Jokes More Olympic Jokes

How did the Australian make the Olympics?

He koala-fied!!!!! Buh-duh-tss

What's the similarity between your zero-exercise lifestyle and a professional weight-lifter competing in the Olympics?

They both involve muscles and they both result in a-trophy.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between me and Jimmy Kimmel?

I can make it to the end of a Jimmy Kimmel joke without laughing.

What's the difference between your boyfriend and whipped cream?

The cream

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

When do you know you are getting a good deal on a boat?

When there's a sail on it.

What is the difference between chicken and blondes?

The chicken knows on whose eggs sitting.

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because he can't run home

What does a Persistent Jedi do when he gets destroyed in a race?

An all day run

Cover Jokes More Cover Jokes

What's black, covered in teeth marks and no longer in use?

Philip Seymour Hoffman's belt.

What is hot and makes me hard?

Being covered in lava.

Hurry Jokes More Hurry Jokes

What phone etiquette?

You hand me your phone, you better believe I'ma hurry & scroll through as many pics as I can before you notice.

Why did the French milkman have to hurry?

He was running lait

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

What "c word" describes my girlfriend and why I'm not getting any?

Carpaltunnel

Who was that, your girlfriend?

Everyone laughs* NERD: "Nope. It was yours." *Dead silence*