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France Jokes

Who wins?

Neither. France surrenders and Italy switches sides.

I Love Pizza & You

I Love Pizza & You

Why did France really surrender to Germany?

Just thought of this earlier in the shower... Had gas ever since.

Why there are so many avenues in France?

Because German soldiers like to march in the shade

What could have been the most stuppidest result of Napolleonic wars if France won?

Tsar Napoleon.

What's a barista in France's favorite workout?

A French press

How do you know the toothbrush was made in France?

Anywhere else it would've been the "teethbrush"

What time of day is it in France right now?

Mourning

What do you get when you throw a grenade into a kitchen in France?

Linoleum blown apart

How long does it take to drive across France?

3 days by panzer

Why does lightning strike in France so often?

Because it follows the path of least resistance.

What do you call a grenade thrown into a restaurant in France?

French Toast.

Love

Love

How many countries' flags make an appearance at every auto race in the world?

Two. Libya's to start the race, and France's to signal there's one lap to go.

What do you get when you cross France and Britain?

Canada.

Why should you never order the eggs while in France?

Because they are always uf.

Who is the most famous cow in France?

Albert Camoo

Where was France's military strategy developed?

Toulouse

Why do the French make omelettes with only one egg?

Because in France one egg is un oeuf.

What do they leave on your pillow at a bordello in Dijon, France?

Condom-Mints

What does the new socialist leader of France mean for the country, Europe, and the world?

Nationalized wine.. Sounds like the right wing will have some whine too.

Why is their always lightning in France?

Obviously, since lightning takes the path of least resistance.

Why do credit cards not work in France?

They don't understand the concept of charging.

We've Got This Love Thing Down

We've Got This Love Thing Down

What do they call Miley Cyrus in France?

Kilometrey Cyrus.

What do they call the Hunger Games in France?

Battle Royale with Cheese.

Why do most French recipes require only one egg?

In France, one egg is *un oeuf*

Where'd you get that?

The parrot says, "In France. They're everywhere!"

How do you know if you've fallen in love with an apple from France?

Your heart goes "pomme pomme... pomme pomme..."

What is the bounciest place in France?

The dordogne.

What do you call hot women in France?

Tourists

What did France say to Turkey?

That's not nice.

Who ruled France until he exploded?

Napoleon Blownapart!

How many eggs do the French use in their omelettes?

Just one, because in France one egg is un oeuf.

$Your Age Is Only Math$

Your Age Is Only Math

Why do you only need one egg in France?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

How do we know that Joan of Arc was French?

She was maid in France!

What is a Pokemon's favourite place to go in France?

Paras

Where do you find 60 million French jokes?

In France.

What do they call Reddit in France?

Ribbit

What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a bathroom in France?

Linoleum Blownapart

What happened in France?

Did they release a GTA Go

What's the difference between a jar of mayonnaise and France?

If you leave the jar alone for 200 years it'll develop a culture.

Why are the streets of France lined with trees?

So the Germans can march in the shade.

What do they call Independence Day in France?

A Royale-free with cheese! (Happy Bastille Day(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BastilleDay)!)

What street in France do reindeer live on?

Rue Dolph

Why did Blitzkrieg work so well in France?

Because lightning always follows the path of least resistance

Did you know the first French fries weren't cooked in France?

They were cooked in Greece

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de Brie.

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Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

What do Hispanic parents say to teach their son to drive?

Jesus, take the wheel!

What did the pirate say after his first-mate stuck the wheel in his pants?

ARGHH! You're driving me nuts!

Shade Jokes More Shade Jokes

Why does Paris have tree lined streets?

Because the German army likes to march in the shade.

What do you call a collection of Tyler Perry's movies?

Fifty Shades of Black

German Jokes More German Jokes

Why did the German get their tailor and their barber mixed up?

They call their tailor Herr Dresser

Why couldn't the woman date a German man?

Because she was Klaustrophobic!

Tour De France Jokes More Tour De France Jokes

Who won the first Tour de France?

The Panzer SS 1st Division

What did Charlie Sheen say when he won the Tour de France?

Schwinning!

3 Day Jokes More 3 Day Jokes

What did Abraham Lincoln say after recovering from a 3-day drinking binge?

I set* ***who*** *free "*

Why does Jesus not play video games?

Everytime he dies he has to wait 3 days to respawn

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What do women and the stock market have in common?

If you don't pull out in time, it will cost you a lot of money. My boss said he made this up on the spot yesterday. Never heard it before so I figured I'd post it.

Why do birds fly to the tropics in winter?

Why, wouldn't the winter be over by the time they reach, if they walk all the way along? So they fly.

Like Jokes More Like Jokes

What is Rio's least liked, most common Pokemon?

Zikachu.

What can I get for you?

Me: Steak, please. W: How would you like that cooked M: By anyone other than my wife

Side Jokes More Side Jokes

Why did Jesus get all the ladies?

Because he was hung like this (extends arms to sides)

Why are Italians so good at football?

Because it involves changing sides halfway through.