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France Jokes

Who wins?

Neither. France surrenders and Italy switches sides.

Love Card

Love Card

Why did France really surrender to Germany?

Just thought of this earlier in the shower... Had gas ever since.

Why there are so many avenues in France?

Because German soldiers like to march in the shade

What could have been the most stuppidest result of Napolleonic wars if France won?

Tsar Napoleon.

What's a barista in France's favorite workout?

A French press

How do you know the toothbrush was made in France?

Anywhere else it would've been the "teethbrush"

What time of day is it in France right now?

Mourning

What do you get when you throw a grenade into a kitchen in France?

Linoleum blown apart

How long does it take to drive across France?

3 days by panzer

Why does lightning strike in France so often?

Because it follows the path of least resistance.

What do you call a grenade thrown into a restaurant in France?

French Toast.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

How many countries' flags make an appearance at every auto race in the world?

Two. Libya's to start the race, and France's to signal there's one lap to go.

What do you get when you cross France and Britain?

Canada.

Why should you never order the eggs while in France?

Because they are always uf.

Who is the most famous cow in France?

Albert Camoo

Where was France's military strategy developed?

Toulouse

Why do the French make omelettes with only one egg?

Because in France one egg is un oeuf.

What do they leave on your pillow at a bordello in Dijon, France?

Condom-Mints

What does the new socialist leader of France mean for the country, Europe, and the world?

Nationalized wine.. Sounds like the right wing will have some whine too.

Why is their always lightning in France?

Obviously, since lightning takes the path of least resistance.

Why do credit cards not work in France?

They don't understand the concept of charging.

We've Got This Love Thing Down

We've Got This Love Thing Down

What do they call Miley Cyrus in France?

Kilometrey Cyrus.

What do they call the Hunger Games in France?

Battle Royale with Cheese.

Why do most French recipes require only one egg?

In France, one egg is *un oeuf*

Where'd you get that?

The parrot says, "In France. They're everywhere!"

How do you know if you've fallen in love with an apple from France?

Your heart goes "pomme pomme... pomme pomme..."

What is the bounciest place in France?

The dordogne.

What do you call hot women in France?

Tourists

What did France say to Turkey?

That's not nice.

Who ruled France until he exploded?

Napoleon Blownapart!

How many eggs do the French use in their omelettes?

Just one, because in France one egg is un oeuf.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Why do you only need one egg in France?

Because one egg is un oeuf.

How do we know that Joan of Arc was French?

She was maid in France!

What is a Pokemon's favourite place to go in France?

Paras

Where do you find 60 million French jokes?

In France.

What do they call Reddit in France?

Ribbit

What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a bathroom in France?

Linoleum Blownapart

What happened in France?

Did they release a GTA Go

What's the difference between a jar of mayonnaise and France?

If you leave the jar alone for 200 years it'll develop a culture.

Why are the streets of France lined with trees?

So the Germans can march in the shade.

What do they call Independence Day in France?

A Royale-free with cheese! (Happy Bastille Day(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BastilleDay)!)

What street in France do reindeer live on?

Rue Dolph

Why did Blitzkrieg work so well in France?

Because lightning always follows the path of least resistance

Did you know the first French fries weren't cooked in France?

They were cooked in Greece

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de Brie.

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Avenue Jokes More Avenue Jokes

Which street does the police officer live in?

Let's be Avenue

Why are there so many avenues in Belgium?

Because German soldiers like to march in the shadow.

Germany Jokes More Germany Jokes

What do you call Minecraft in Germany?

NEIN-CRAFT!

Why did Germany lose WW2?

Three Reichs and you're out

Tour De France Jokes More Tour De France Jokes

How do you feel about the upcoming Tour de France?

I'm gonna give 110%

Why did the Tour de France get raided?

The police heard it was full of pedal-philes.

Follow Jokes More Follow Jokes

How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey?

Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

Who are all these people Twitter wants me to follow?

Has the fail whale been stalking me. Help, stranger danger!

Napoleon Jokes More Napoleon Jokes

Where does Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies

Why don't people name their kids 'Napoleon'?

It's too complex

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

How am I driving?

No seriously, how did I get here. This isn't my car.

What is the cheapest date ever?

Drive in reverse trough the mcdrive, so the checkout is on her side.

Path Jokes More Path Jokes

Why does lightning always strike trees?

They are the path of leaf resistance.

Why did Blitzkrieg work so well in France?

Because lightning always follows the path of least resistance

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What the NSA say to NASA?

You're a day late and a dolla short!

What do you call a dog that is underwater?

A sub-woofer! Thank you, I'll be here all day.