Mourn Jokes

What do you call an erection during a funeral?

Mourning wood!

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What time of day is it in France right now?

Mourning

What do you call a fart in the middle of the night? What do you call a fart in the mourning?

A midnight snack A hot Breakfast

Why do happy people like to sleep in late?

Because they aren't mourning people. I just made this up!! Could you all help me with the wording? It feels like it could be a little better I just don't know how to word it differently while using the same "mourning" pun as the punch line.

What do necrophiliacs get at funerals?

Mourning wood.

When should funerals occur?

Mourning

What do you call a sad Ent?

Mourning wood.

How do you spot a necrophiliac at a funeral?

Mourning wood.

What happens when a necrophiliac goes to a funeral?

He gets mourning wood.

How do you know if you're a necrophiliac?

You get mourning wood.

How do you know if you are a necrophiliac?

You get mourning wood

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What's another name for a casket?

Mourning wood.

What time of day is the saddest?

The mourning.

How do you greet people at a funeral?

Mourning, everybody!

What does a widow say when she wakes up?

Mourning

What does a necrophiliac get at a funeral?

Mourning wood.

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Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

Why is it called an "almond" in the tree but an "amond" when it falls to the ground?

When it falls to the ground, it knocks the 'ell out of it.

What kind of tree smells like bacon?

Original) A Porcupine!

Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

What has six legs two arms four eyes and a tail?

A man holding an aardvark.

What do you call a man holding two apples in one hand and three oranges in another?

No chance of blocking an uppercut.

Occur Jokes More Occur Jokes

What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?

I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

What do you get when an argument occurs on a camping trip?

A tents atmosphere

Heaven Jokes More Heaven Jokes

What do you call 2 metalheads falling in love?

A match maiden heaven

What does Debbie Reynolds sing in heaven?

Good mourning, good mourning, good mourning!!!

Erection Jokes More Erection Jokes

What do you call a preacher with an erection?

A firm believer

Why did Bilbo Baggins die with a Erection?

Because old hobbits die hard. (Just a different Punchline)

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

What does a cat say when you tread on its tail?

ME-OW! I am very sorry. Just thought of it and felt like everyone should hear it. Maybe some jokes are better left untold...

What do you tell someone who feels that life has shorted them from a purpose or calling?

You belong.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

Who's the funniest girl you know?

Lola.

What do you call a smart knife?

Cleaver! EDIT: Also Sharp, knew about this one but I like Cleaver better.

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

How many walruses does it take to make a sandwich?

Don't be silly, walruses don't make sandwiches; women make sandwiches. Made this up to bug my sister. It worked. Her husband laughed.

How are women like rocks?

You skip the flat ones.