America Jokes

Do they follow territorial boundaries? If the Kaos Kommandos start a brawl in El Paso and it rolls over into Juarez, do they say "screw it, let Justice League of Mexico handle it"? (Sorry if this isn't technically a joke; it was my shower thought this morning and I thought it was funny.)

What do you call a bee that lives in America?

USB

What's the advantage of being black in Africa vs black in America?

Nobody can point at your shoes and say "What are thoooooooooose?!"

March Madness Sale

Love

$5.99

Why does America not have knock knock jokes?

Because freedom rings.

What is the difference between a yogurt and america?

If you leave the yogurt for 100 years alone, it develops a culture.

Why do Marlboro cigarettes have white filters in America, but yellow filters in Europe?

So Keith Richards can tell which continent he's in.

What's the difference between America and a yogurt?

After 200 years a yogurt will develop a culture.

What's the difference between America and cereal?

You can get cereal without nuts.

Who gets saved?

America

What is the difference between walking a dog in America and China?

The spelling.

Why doesn't Mexico win Olympic Medals?

Because all their best runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in America.

Why don't you hear any knock knock jokes about America?

Because freedom rings.

What is the difference between yoghurt and America?

When you leave yogurt alone it grows a culture!

Why aren't their Mexican Olympics?

Because all of the Mexicans that can run,jump,and swim are in America!

What is the most useless superpower?

America.

Why aren't there any knock knock jokes about America?

Because Freedom Rings.

Whats the Slogan for every I.T. Department in America?

Mmmm. Move Over.

Why does America have so many boasting Republicans?

Because it needs some bragging rights.

How did a Chinese spy disguise himself as an Arab in America?

He became a Muslim.

What is the difference between joghurt and America?

If you leave joghurt alone for 200 years, it will grow a culture!

Why does Martin Luther King like jam?

Because God bless America

Why are there no Mexican in the Olympics?

Because any Mexican that can run, jump or swim is in america!

What did the girl say when the Statue of Liberty sneezed?

God bless America.

Why does Mexico rarely wins medals at the Olympic Games?

All the ones who can run/swim/jump already made it to America.

Who wins the election?

America.

What's the difference between Ireland and America?

When we say waterboarding in Ireland it means surfing.

What's the difference between America and Saudi Arabia?

You don't need a computer to play minesweeper in Saudi Arabia. (I'm not sorry)

Where did vampires go to first in America?

New-fang-land.

How many liberals does it take to defend America?

Nobody knows, they've never tried.

Why do Chinese tourists get disappointed when they visit America?

Because when they buy souvenirs they find out they were made in China.

What's the difference between yogurt and America?

Yogurt could develop a culture after 200 years

How can we stop ISIS?

EUROPE: How can we save our economy AMERICA: What color is this dress!

What's the difference between America any yogurt?

If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it develops a culture.

Why aren't there any 'Knock, Knock' jokes about America?

Cuz freedom rings, baby!

What do salads and Mexicans have in common?

They both benefit America!

What's the oldest red wine in America?

Give us back our land!

Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America?

On their feet!

What is America worth?

Nothing, it's a free country.

Why were you speeding?

Motorist: I wasn't going to miss seeing myself on "America's Most Wanted."

What happens when you take a joke too far?

The 45th President of the United States of America.

What's the difference between America and yogurt?

One has culture.

Why does America spell some words differently?

They said "We can do it without u, Britain."

Why can't America ever win a chess tournament?

Because they're missing two towers

What's the difference between a star and America?

The star has a bright future.

What are they called in America?

Americans.

How did horses get to America in the 1700's?

On the Hayflower!

Why is North Korea going fail against America?

They lack the element of supplies

What's does America and programming have in common?

When you fix one problem, 38 more problems pop up.

How are third party candidates like soccer?

They're only really popular in America once every four years.

What is this the difference between America and Greece?

15 years.

How did Mitt Romney get a 14% tax rate?

He claimed 47% of America as dependents.

What do you call the second-most hated politician in America?

Madam President.

What's good for the soul and rarely found in America?

A sense of humor.

Who will be rescued?

America.

Why are there no knock knock jokes about the United States?

Because in America, freedom rings.

What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?

In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.

Why aren't eagles allowed to be sick in america?

Because that would be illeagle

What will the presidential candidate for the next election choose as his/her campaign motto?

Make America good again.

What do Mexicans say on their first day in America?

Jose can you see, by the dawn's early light...

Who says time travel doesn't exist and we can't go back in time?

America just did.

What phrase is a compliment in America, but an argument in the Middle East?

No, YOU the bomb.

What's the difference between america and a yoghurt?

A yoghurt develops a culture After sitting there for 100 years.

Who do you save?

America. Keep right on going and don't stop.

What do you call an intelligent man in America?

A tourist.

What was the anti-aging makeup company's slogan?

Make America 8 again

Why doesn't America like knock knock jokes?

Because freedom rings.

Why Can't America tell knock knock jokes?

Cause' freedom RINGS!

What did one turnip say to the other?

We're white and bulbous, just like America

What happened to the T?

America: "We threw it in the Harbor!"

Why is it "canceled" in America, but "cancelled" in England?

Because we gave them that L in 1776.

Why are high end clocks designed and made in Switzerland?

As they don't get arrested for doing their job as they do in America!

Why couldn't Shah Rukh Khan enter America?

Because he wasn't an Amirkhan

You might also enjoy:

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between Stanley Yelnats and the rest of the kids in Holes?

He was just a nerdy digger.

What is the only difference between this year and last year?

A building in Dubai.

Minnesota Jokes More Minnesota Jokes

How can you tell a Minnesota hockey fan?

Ask him what color the blue line is and wait. It may take him ten minutes to answer.

What part of America can't sell full sized soft drinks?

Minnesota.

Jump Jokes More Jump Jokes

Why did the crab jump out of the water?

Because the SeaWeed..

What jumps up and down in front of a car?

Froglights!

Sell Jokes More Sell Jokes

What do you call a man who sells clockwork toys?

A Wind-up Merchant.

What do you call a store that sells terribly made Nun appeal?

The Bad Habit.

Pick Jokes More Pick Jokes

Why did Cruz pick Carly Fiorina as his running mate?

To lay off his campaign staff.

What kind of house is easiest to pick up?

A light house.

President Jokes More President Jokes

Why are we seeing the creepy clowns all over the country?

Being in many states and seen on all types of media is how they run for president.

What President of the United States smells the worst?

The-Odor-e Roosevelt.

Captain America Shield Jokes More Captain America Shield Jokes

What is Captain America's shield made of?

Vibranium. What is Hawkeye's Shield made of **Quicksilver**

What's Captain America's shield made out of?

What's Captain America's shield made of Vibranium. What's Hawkeye's shield made of Quicksilver.

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

What is the most inappropriate thing to say to someone who just lost their job?

You had one job.

Where did the chess player go when he lost one of his chess pieces?

The pawn shop.

America Jokes

What part of America can't sell full sized soft drinks?

I Love Pizza & You

Who does Matthew McConaughey say is the most dangerous group in America?

Who survives?

What's with everyone being scared of clowns recently?

What's the difference between justice and relevant ethnic groups in America?

Who lost the American Presidential Debate?

Why does Mexico do so poorly in the Olympics?

Whats the difference between America and Yogurt?

Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team?

What did the Mexican do when he arrived in America?

How would America win gold medals in shooting for the Olympics?

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

Who is saved?

Who get saved?

Why aren't there any knock-knock jokes about America?

Why are there no knock-knock jokes about America?

What do you call a smart person in America?

Why does America use the imperial system?

What's the difference between America and a pot of yogurt?

How many children does it take to change a light bulb in America?

Why does Bank of America not have a backspace on the ATM keypad?

Who loses?

We've Got This Love Thing Down

Why doesn't America knock?

Why were the Native Americans in America before us?

What's the worst gear for America?

What's the difference between America and Yoghurt?

How did Christopher Columbus 'discover' America?

Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?

What's it called when you go around looking for stuff to buy that's made in America?

Why is it called Justice League of America?

What do you call a bee that lives in America?

What's the advantage of being black in Africa vs black in America?

Love

Why does America not have knock knock jokes?

What is the difference between a yogurt and america?

Why do Marlboro cigarettes have white filters in America, but yellow filters in Europe?

What's the difference between America and a yogurt?

What's the difference between America and cereal?

Who gets saved?

What is the difference between walking a dog in America and China?

Why doesn't Mexico win Olympic Medals?

Why don't you hear any knock knock jokes about America?

What is the difference between yoghurt and America?

Why aren't their Mexican Olympics?

What is the most useless superpower?

Why aren't there any knock knock jokes about America?

Whats the Slogan for every I.T. Department in America?

Why does America have so many boasting Republicans?

How did a Chinese spy disguise himself as an Arab in America?

What is the difference between joghurt and America?

Why does Martin Luther King like jam?

Why are there no Mexican in the Olympics?

What did the girl say when the Statue of Liberty sneezed?

Why does Mexico rarely wins medals at the Olympic Games?

Who wins the election?

What's the difference between Ireland and America?

What's the difference between America and Saudi Arabia?

Where did vampires go to first in America?

How many liberals does it take to defend America?

Why do Chinese tourists get disappointed when they visit America?

What's the difference between yogurt and America?

How can we stop ISIS?

What's the difference between America any yogurt?

Why aren't there any 'Knock, Knock' jokes about America?

What do salads and Mexicans have in common?

What's the oldest red wine in America?

Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America?

What is America worth?

Why were you speeding?

What happens when you take a joke too far?

What's the difference between America and yogurt?

Why does America spell some words differently?

Why can't America ever win a chess tournament?

What's the difference between a star and America?

What are they called in America?

How did horses get to America in the 1700's?

Why is North Korea going fail against America?