Matthew Mc Conaughey Jokes

Why can't Matthew McConaughey make a left turn?

Because he's.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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What did Matthew McConaughey say about Steve Bannon's followers?

They're alt-right, alt-right, alt-right.

What colour did Matthew McConaughey want his house to be painted?

All white, all white, all white.

Who does Matthew McConaughey say is the most dangerous group in America?

Alt-right, alt-right, alt-right

What do you call a conservative Matthew McConaughey?

All right all right all right.

What did Matthew McConaughey say to DiCaprio about his chances of winning the Oscars this year?

It's a fugazi.

Where was Matthew McConaughey headed in those Lincoln commercials?

Dunno but I'm sure he made all rights all rights all rights.

What did Matthew McConaughey yell at the drive that was about to miss his turn?

A right a right a right!

What did Matthew McConaughey say when he saw this year's Oscar nominees?

All white, all white, all whiiiiiiiite...

How do you get to Matthew McConaughey's House?

All right, all right, all right..

What does Matthew McConaughey think about an all white, Republican Government?

Altright, altright, altright

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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What does Asian Matthew McConaughey want for dinner?

All rice, all rice, all rice

How does Matthew McConaughey like his sandwiches?

On rye on rye on rye.

What is Matthew McConaughey favorite bread?

All rye all rye

What did Matthew McConaughey say when he got a scholarship?

Fulbright, fulbright, fulbright...

What did Matthew McConaughey have to say about the 2016 Oscar-winner's line-up?

All white, all white, all white!

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Right Jokes More Right Jokes

Why did Muhammad cross the road?

Because he had the right of way.

Why can't mites race in NASCAR?

Because mites make rights, not lefts.

Girl Jokes More Girl Jokes

Why does a girls rub her eyes in the morning?

A. Because they don't have balls to itch.

Why do girls like nice guys?

Cause nice guys always finish last.

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

What is the similarity between women and square roots?

If they are under 16 you should just do them in your head.

How about a private dance "Okay let's go" *heads to private room* "You ready?

Oh hell yeah *we both do the cha cha slide*

Miss Jokes More Miss Jokes

Why can't a Stormtrooper have a baby?

Because they always miss.

Why did Ibuprofen miss his friends?

Because Paracetamol on fire.

Dicaprio Jokes More Dicaprio Jokes

What did Matthew McConaughey say to DiCaprio about his chances of winning the Oscars this year?

It's a fugazi.

Why didn't DiCaprio laugh at Oscar joke?

Because he didn't get it.

Chance Jokes More Chance Jokes

What do politicians and sperm have in common?

About 1 in every 600 million has a chance of becoming a human.

What are the chances of familiarising myself with a semiaquatic amphibian to the point of ownership?

My newt.

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

Why can it be so annoying to drive a Skoda?

The Czech engine light is always on.

Whoa. There are books on TAPE?

Now I can stop reading while I drive. This is gonna save so many lives.

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

What did one socket say to the other?

Stay grounded.

Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?

In a moooo-tel. I just thought of this sitting in my hotel room. Sometimes I feel like i dad joke so hard I impregnate my girlfriend from 100 miles away.