Matthew Mc Conaughey Jokes

What colour did Matthew McConaughey want his house to be painted?

All white, all white, all white.

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What do you call a conservative Matthew McConaughey?

All right all right all right.

What did Matthew McConaughey say to DiCaprio about his chances of winning the Oscars this year?

It's a fugazi.

Where was Matthew McConaughey headed in those Lincoln commercials?

Dunno but I'm sure he made all rights all rights all rights.

What did Matthew McConaughey yell at the drive that was about to miss his turn?

A right a right a right!

How do you get to Matthew McConaughey's House?

All right, all right, all right..

What does Asian Matthew McConaughey want for dinner?

All rice, all rice, all rice

How does Matthew McConaughey like his sandwiches?

On rye on rye on rye.

What is Matthew McConaughey favorite bread?

All rye all rye

What did Matthew McConaughey say when he got a scholarship?

Fulbright, fulbright, fulbright...

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Paint Jokes More Paint Jokes

Why did the pigs paint their hoofs green?

It was Saint Patrick's Day.

Why aren't you charging me for the paint?

They said, "Don't worry about it, it's on the house."

Favorite Bread Jokes More Favorite Bread Jokes

What is Matthew McConaughey favorite bread?

All rye all rye

What is Homer Simpsons favorite bread?

Sour-Doh!

House Jokes More House Jokes

What kind of house does cheese like to live in?

A cottage

What do a woman and a grenade have in common?

Pull off the ring and the house is gone.

Lincoln Jokes More Lincoln Jokes

Who was the only president that was not guilty?

Lincoln. He was in a cent.

Who was the least guilty President of the them all?

Lincoln. He was in-a-cent.

Original Joke Jokes More Original Joke Jokes

Why was the monkey attracted to the paint?

Cuz it was yellow and appealing! Sorry if this is bad. Seen too many of the same jokes here and I wanted to add an original joke.

What do you call an original joke on this subreddit?

Rare.

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

What did the hippy say when he was told to get off the couch and get a job?

Namaste (pronounced:nah I'ma stay)

What does an agnostic man with insomnia and dyslexia do in his free time?

He stays awake all night wondering if there's a Dog.

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

What did the pirate say when his wife kept asking him about the steering wheel in his pants?

Yargg! Woman! Stop asking me! You're driving me nuts!

How do you turn fruits into vegetables?

Drive a bus through a pride parade

Right Jokes More Right Jokes

Why did the blonde only smell good on the right side?

She didn't know where to buy Left Guard!

How many ears does Captain Kirk have?

Three... The one on the left The one on the right And of course, the Final Front Ear