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Lincoln Jokes

Which president was least guilty?

Lincoln, because he is in a cent.

Birthday State of Mind

Birthday State of Mind

Who was the only president that was not guilty?

Lincoln. He was in a cent.

Where was Matthew McConaughey headed in those Lincoln commercials?

Dunno but I'm sure he made all rights all rights all rights.

Who was the least guilty President of the them all?

Lincoln. He was in-a-cent.

What was Lincoln's worst decision as President?

He should have asked for a table, instead of a Booth

Which president was the most logical?

Lincoln. He made the most cents.

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Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

How do you find a British person in a crowd?

1. Shout 0800 00 2. Wait for them to shout 1066.

What is the similarity between Disney World and a woman?

They both make you wait 2 hours for a 30 second ride!

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

Why doesn't anyone watch women's hockey?

The games take 3 months to play!

Why aren't you mowing the lawn?

Link: It's raining Z: No it's not L: *Plays Song of Storms* Z: You're sleeping with Epona tonight

Slit Jokes More Slit Jokes

What do emos say at good parties?

It slit.

Remember Jokes More Remember Jokes

Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?

Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

What did Bruce Willis say to motivate his son?

Son, if at first you don't succeed, Try Hard. If that doesn't work, Try Hard 2. If that still doesn't work, Try Hard with a Vengeance. Remember, you can't pick between the choice to Live Free or Try Hard. They go together. Everyday's A Good Day to Try Hard.

Matthew Mc Conaughey Jokes More Matthew Mc Conaughey Jokes

What did Matthew McConaughey yell at the drive that was about to miss his turn?

A right a right a right!

What colour did Matthew McConaughey want his house to be painted?

All white, all white, all white.

Peyton Manning Jokes More Peyton Manning Jokes

What did Peyton Manning said to his younger brother about the new NFL rule?

ELI5 (explain me like I am five)

What do Abraham Lincoln and Peyton Manning have in common?

Neither can finish a play.

Finish Jokes More Finish Jokes

Why couldn't the Ghostbusters ever finish Oregon Trail?

Because they couldn't cross the streams.

What did the Los Angeles Lakers finish on Tuesday?

Kim Kardashian's face.

Bear Jokes More Bear Jokes

Why the big pause................................?

Said the man in the pub to the bear. First heard this joke told by Eddie Izzard.

What did a black twin called his brother before they're born?

Inmates