Night Jokes

What is the biggest similarity between the average Redditor and a lumberjack?

They both sleep all night and whack all day!

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

$19.99

Why do pro gamers get up at 1:37pm?

Because it's 13:37! I came up with this last night and have been waiting to post it until 1:37pm my time.

What do you call a person who you had a one night stand with on Mars?

A solmate

What did the house turn into on the night of the full moon?

A Warehouse.

What does someone from Alabama say after a one night stand?

Wham, bam, thank you fam

Why did Thor decide to sleep in?

He was up all night to Get Loki.

What did Abe Lincoln say after a night of drinking?

I set WHO free?

What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Iowa?

Prom

What does an insomniac, agnostic, dyslexic spend most of his time doing?

Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

What do you get when you cross an agnostic, insomniac and a dyslexic?

Someone who lies awake at night if there really is a dog.

What do you get when you mix a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?

Someone who lies awake at night wondering if there's a dog

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

$19.99

What do Microsoft updates and Brock Turner have in common?

They install at night, while you are asleep, without consent.

What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do at night?

He stays up wondering if there really is a dog.

Why is Christopher Walken so tired?

Because at night, he's always sleepwalken

What do agnostic, insomniac dyslexics do at night?

Stay awake and wonder if there's a dog

What does Stalin do on a night out?

Paints the town red

How does the Addidas executive work through the night?

Three lines

What do you call a fart in the middle of the night? What do you call a fart in the mourning?

A midnight snack A hot Breakfast

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?

Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.

What's the best thing about having insomnia?

Only one nights sleep til Christmas!

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?

Someone who stays up all night, wondering if there is a dog.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

$19.99

What does an agnostic man with insomnia and dyslexia do in his free time?

He stays awake all night wondering if there's a Dog.

What does an agnostic, dyslexic insomniac spend his time doing?

Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

What does a Knight do at night?

Nighty Night

What do you call a horse at night?

A Nightmare

What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?

A person who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.

What do you get when you mix an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is dog.

What do you get when if you cross an insomniac, a dyslexic and an agnostic?

A person who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.

What do you get when you have barbie dolls standing in a line?

A barbie queue (BBQ)! Also, I made a quick sketch on my iPad. I found the genesis to this joke as a text note in my Evernote this morning, after what seemed like a night of free flow beers. Feel free to downvote me to oblivion.

Why did the sauce need a night light?

Because he was alfredo the dark!

What do you call a dyslexic insomniac philosopher?

A person who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.

What do you get when you mix an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?

A person who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.

What animal has more lives than a cat?

A frog. It croaks every night.

Whats hard, black, and keeps me up all night?

My Roku.

Why did Night fall?

Because Day tripped him.

What did one tonsil say to the other?

Get dressed a doctor is taking us out to night.

What do you get when you cross an insomniac with an agnostic and a dyslexic?

A person who stays up at night, wondering if there's a dog.

What is 20 inches long and makes women scream at night?

A stillborn

What does a dyslectic, agnostic, insomniac think about at night?

Is there really a dog. Dog lover joke.

What did E.T.'s mother say when E.T. got home?

Where on Earth have you been?!

What is the difference between a hormone and an enzyme?

I didn't make an enzyme last night.

What do you call it when a sheep sells his wool for money?

Cashearing! (Joke I made up last night at work, so be gentle with me)

What do buccaneers let off on bonfire night?

Piratechnics!

Why should you not let your kids go to Korean Discos?

Because you don't want them hanging around Parks at night.

What do you do when you get to the top of the world's tallest mountain?

Have a rest. (Everest, get it?) Really awful joke, but I thought of it last night and was wondering if anyone recognised it? Who knows, it might be original....

What do you get when you cross an agnostic, an insomniac, and a dyslexic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.

What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do?

He stays awake all night wondering if there is a dog.

What will the results of the next election be?

No one knows! The results were stolen from the Politburo just last night!

What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time doing?

Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

What does a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac do at night?

Lie in bed wondering "Is there really a dog?"

What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic?

A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog. Infinite Jest, by DFW

What do brunettes and red-heads do on Friday nights?

Make blonde jokes!

Why did the Dark Ages existed?

Because there were 'nights.

What do you get when you're agnostic, dyslexic, and an insomniac?

You stay up all night wondering if there's a dog.

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, a dyslexic, and an agnostic?

Some guy sitting up all night wondering if there really is a dog

What has two thumbs and got laid last night?

My hands.

Why did the cowboy sleep with his saddle?

In case of any night mares!

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, dyslexic, and an agnostic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

What does a dyslexic agnostic insomniac do?

Stays up all night pondering the existence of a dog

What does one strawberry say to the other?

Well, if you hadn't been so fresh last night, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam!

What does FUN stand for?

Some nights, I don't know.

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an atheist, an insomniac?

A person that lays awake late at night and ponders if there's such a thing as a dog.

Why was the wife worried that her husband was a light drinker?

Every night, he'd go out and drink until it was light.

What does it mean to be an Agnostic with insomnia and dyslexia?

You stay up all night wondering if there is a dog.

What did the egg say to the boiler water?

It might take me awhile to get hard, I just got laid last night.

Why did the cellphone go to court?

Because it was charged with battery.

What do golfers do on nights out?

Par**ty.

What did the mermaid do last Saturday night?

She went out with the tide.

How was the party last night?

17: It was fun. The cops came. Me: What 17: Nah, it's cool. We got away. Me: That's my girl.

Why did the University of Oklahoma researcher stay awake every night?

He was trying to find a cure for insomnia.

When does a bed grow longer?

At night, because two feet are added to it.

What did the polygamist horse get on his wedding night?

A double bridle

What is 32% black, 45% white......gets lit up and changes to blue and red at night?

Chicago.

How can you tell if Chuck Norris ate rabbits the night before?

He has claw marks on his forehead.

When do the leaves begin to turn?

The night before a test.

What do you get is you cross a ghost with a packet of potato chips?

Snacks that go crunch in the night.

What do you call it when the women in the back of a Mexican brothel talk after working all night?

Whorechata. Probably my best original, lemme know what you think.

What did one flea say to the other after a night out?

Shall we walk home or take a dog

What's Batman's least favourite album?

A Night at the Opera.

What do you call an elephant creeping through the jungle in the middle of the night?

Russell!

What happens at night in Bangladesh?

It gets Dhaka

Whats the German version of silent night?

Kristall nacht

Who was the best player on the Seahawks last night?

The Broncos' center

How do these presidential candidates sleep at night?

With an electorate blanket.

What do you call that which barks during the day and floats during the night?

Your grandma's Jaws

What is the difference between a hog and a man?

A hog doesn't have to sit in a bar and buy drinks all night just so he can f*** some pig.

How'd you sleep last night?

Son says: "umm... With my eyes closed " Edit: This actually happened btw. Probably funnier irl.

What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Wisconsin?

Prom night.

What do you call a pot smoker that spends every night dancing and drinking with his friends?

A Rastapartying

What do you get when you cross a dylexsic, insomiac and a agnostic?

Someone who stays up at night wondering if there really is a dog.

Where does Max Planck go for a night out?

To the h-bar

What's big, white and goes down on you in the middle of the night?

An Airbus A320.

What does a dyslexic,agnostic and insomniac spend most of his time doing?

Staying up all night thinking if there really is a dog

What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do with most of his time?

Stay up all night wondering if there is a Dog.

What did one strawberry say to the other?

If you weren't so fresh last night we wouldn't be in this jam.

What do you get when you drop a piano in a coal mine?

A flat minor. Night... Don't forget to tip your waitress

Why do raindrops like lightning at night?

So they can see where they are going

What do you call a hotel special that lets policemen stay for two nights for the price of one?

CuNO3!

Where do Dutch sheep go at night?

TO SHLEEP!

What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs in the evening and 6 legs at night?

I've trapped it in my bedroom, send help...

You might also enjoy:

Google Jokes More Google Jokes

Why are people still using a dictionary?

I just type the words into Google and see if it corrects me.

Which internet search engine does Chandler from Friends use?

Google, like everybody does.

Cow Jokes More Cow Jokes

What do you call a cow that plays with itself?

Beef Stroganoff

What's the difference between a cow and 911?

You stop milking a cow after 14 years..

Park Jokes More Park Jokes

Why should you not let your kids go to Korean Discos?

Because you don't want them hanging around Parks at night.

Where would Helen Keller park her car?

On top of three children.

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

Why couldn't the anthropologist find any Lomekwian tools?

They were looking in Oldowan places

What did the librarian say to the travel agent?

Find what you're booking for

American Jokes More American Jokes

What sound does an Italian American microwave make?

Bada bing!

What do you get when American pioneers develop a video game?

They manifest Destiny

Dinner Jokes More Dinner Jokes

What did Richard Nixon say after he tried to make dinner at the White House for the first time?

I am not a cook

Why didn't the Native Americans go out to dinner?

They lost their reservations.

Wisconsin Jokes More Wisconsin Jokes

How do truckers contact each other in Wisconsin?

They use a Milwaukee-Talkie

What do you call an old fruit-picker in Wisconsin?

Cherry-atric

Tonight Jokes More Tonight Jokes

How many more times will I watch "A Walk To Remember" tonight?

As Mandy Moore times as I want to.

Who's there! Caitlin! Caitlin who?

Caitlin you my trainers tonight I'm wearing them!