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What does an insomniac, agnostic, dyslexic spend most of his time doing?

Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

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Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

Why do dogs wag their tails?

Because no one else will do it for them!

Where does a dog go when his tail falls off?

The retail store

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

How do you know if someone has a Samsung phone without asking?

Don't worry, they've already told you the superior qualities it has over all the other smart phones by this time.

What are you gonna do today?

Me: Shower. W: ...what else M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.

Spend Jokes More Spend Jokes

Why was the teacher arrested for writing in permanent marker?

He wrote "1 + 0 = 0" and then spent the rest of the lesson trying to rub one out...

Why are fish cleverer than humans?

Ever seen a fish spend a fortune trying to hook a human?

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

How do hens stay fit?

They always egg-cercise!

How do you get a puppy to stay the same size forever?

You stop feeding it.

Night Jokes More Night Jokes

How can you tell if Chuck Norris ate rabbits the night before?

He has claw marks on his forehead.

What did you call a dinosaur that keeps you awake at night?

Bronto-snore-us!

Wonder Jokes More Wonder Jokes

What does an agnostic... dyslexic insomniac do at night?

He lays awake and wonders if there really is a dog.

Why is it called Finding Nemo?

Been wondering for years