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What does an insomniac, agnostic, dyslexic spend most of his time doing?

Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

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Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

How do dogs save for retirement?

With a Ruff IRA.

What's the best drink for a dog?

An old faschund.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What did the busy port master say to the rowdy pirates who wanted to dock?

I don't have time for your ship.

Whats the difference between a White lie and a Black lie?

Half to none of the time.

Spend Jokes More Spend Jokes

What do Maroon 5 and Jack Reacher have in common?

They both spend all their money on payphones.

Why do women live on average two years longer?

Because the time they spend parking doesnt count.

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

What always stays hot in the refrigerator?

Horseradish

Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?

In a moooo-tel. I just thought of this sitting in my hotel room. Sometimes I feel like i dad joke so hard I impregnate my girlfriend from 100 miles away.

Night Jokes More Night Jokes

Why do you need 200 condoms?

Me: I have a beard and an accent. *winks* *Spends night making balloon animals

Why does the sun set at night?

The moon scares the daylights out of it!

Wonder Jokes More Wonder Jokes

What game are you watching?

I wonder what she thought I was doing with my hands.

What do you get when you mix a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?

Someone who lies awake at night wondering if there's a dog