Why did the cellphone go to court?

Because it was charged with battery.

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Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

A grocery store cashier asked if I would like my milk in a bag.

I told her 'No, thanks. The carton works fine.'

What's the difference between a singer-songwriter and a puppy?

A puppy eventually grows up and stops whining. Thanks to PuddinHead742 for this one.

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

If you have bird flu you need tweetment. If you have swine flu you need oinkment.

How many times we need to tell you that she died?

Man: It pleases me to listen that she died.

End Jokes More End Jokes

What is the difference between a magician and Bernie Sanders?

The magician returns your wallet at the end of the performance

What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand?

He nuts and bolts.

Charge Jokes More Charge Jokes

Why did he cross back?

So he could charge the client for travel expenses.

What did the mama pig say when junior pig bought a basket of wormy apples?

Don't tell the farmer. He might charge us extra.

Night Jokes More Night Jokes

What do you call it when a sheep sells his wool for money?

Cashearing! (Joke I made up last night at work, so be gentle with me)

What will the results of the next election be?

No one knows! The results were stolen from the Politburo just last night!

Battery Jokes More Battery Jokes

Why was the Energizer Bunny jailed?

On charges of battery.

Why was the battery arrested?

Cuz it was charged with electricity.

Cellphone Jokes More Cellphone Jokes

How are children like cellphones?

If youve lost one and havent found it in a couple days, chances are its probably dead.

Why didn't the cellphone attend the wedding?

He heard the reception was going to be terrible...

Court Jokes More Court Jokes

How did he get off?

It wouldn't stand up in court

What do you call it when a Spanish man goes to court for custody of his children?

Fight for your right to padre