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What does an insomniac, agnostic, dyslexic spend most of his time doing?

Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

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Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

Why didn't you answer your home phone?

Because I'm walking the dog. Don't you trust me -Of course I trust you! Put the dog on the phone.

When is a dog most impolite?

When he points.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Why divorce now after all this time together?

Woman: We wanted to wait until the kids were dead.

What time would it be if five elephants were chasing you?

Five after one.

Spend Jokes More Spend Jokes

What did you say to the policeman who spent eight hours on the Internet?

Oh give it arrest.

What do you call a pot smoker that spends every night dancing and drinking with his friends?

A Rastapartying

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

What did the hippie say when his girlfriend told him to move out?

Nah, I'm a stay. (namaste)

What's the first step of fire safety?

4-year-old: Stay away from dragons. Me: 4: Me: Well, obviously.

Night Jokes More Night Jokes

Why did Thor decide to sleep in?

He was up all night to Get Loki.

What do you call and Irish person who stays outside all night?

Paddy O'Furniture

Wonder Jokes More Wonder Jokes

Whats best joke aboot Canada?

I'm Canadian and i was just wondering

What did Bill Gate's wife say to him on their wedding night?

No wonder you called the company Microsoft