Guy Jokes

Why did the guy spend the entire day throwing out his surplus of herbs?

He had too much thyme on his hands.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

$19.99

What do you call a guy who hangs around a bunch of musicians?

A drummer!!!!!

What do you call a guy with no musical talent that hangs out with the band?

The drummer.

What happened to the guy who farted in church?

He sat in his own pew.

What's the difference between a guy with carry on luggage and a photon?

The guy overpacked, and the photon is traveling light.

What do you call a guy with no shins?

Tony.

What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?

Four guys watching a football game.

Why is Max always late?

Hey guys be here at 8:15 pm, max 8:30"

Whats the difference between a guy who has a new Mercedes and a guy who has an old Mercedes?

The guy who has a new Mercedes is rich. The guy who has an old Mercedes has been rich for a longer time.

What did the woman say to the guy in Naval intelligence?

You really have a smart uniform.

What happens when a guy from Finland dies?

He is finnished. Ha ha ha. God I am so depressed.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

$19.99

How many IT guys does it take to change a light bulb?

No IT guys change light bulbs, they just keep flicking the switch on and off again until something happens.

What does a guy with 2 right feet wear to the beach?

Flop-Flops

What was the last thing the snowboarder ever said?

Hey guys, watch this!

What did the guy without hands get for Christmas?

We don't know, he hasn't opened the present yet

How do you guys feel about that new drug-resistant superbug?

It makes me sick.

What did one French Guy say to another French Guy?

Bonjour, je m'apelle Guy aussi!" ("Hello, I am called Guy as well!")

What do you call a guy who falls into a Yellowstone hot spring?

Stew.

What's a rock group with four guys that don't sing?

Mount Rushmore

What do you call a guy who stands under a bull?

Understandabull

What do you call two guys above a window?

Kurt and Rod

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

$19.99

What do you call two guys on a pair of curtains?

Kurt n Rod.

What happened to the guy who ingested helium?

He became enlightened.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs?

Matt. No arms and no legs in a swimming pool? Bob.

Why can't an IT guy be a doctor?

Nurse: Doctor, the patient's life support is acting strange... Doctor: Have you tried turning it off and on again?

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your front porch?

Matt. Others:

Why does noone listen ever to the guy who talks with his mouth full?

He is so misunderstood.

What did they give the guy who invented the doorknocker?

A no-bell prize

Who has one thumb and survived a band saw accident?

This guy!!!

What does the guy who has been backpacking just a bit too long miss most about home?

A home-cooked shower.

What do you call a guy with no hair named Gary?

Garibaldi

What do you call the guy who envies his friend's gelatin?

Jello-us

Why is Windows going from 8 to 10?

Because 7 ate 9. Credit to a guy I work with.

What do you call a guy who plays Fallout?

A Fall Out Boy.

What do you call a guy in a lot of debt?

Owen.

What do you call a guy who makes "women in the kitchen" jokes?

Single.

What did the guy who liked mustard say when he opened his fridge and saw no mustard?

You mustard be joking!

How many IT guys does it take to Fix a printer?

Three, one suggests to check if it is plug in, another recommends to reboot the printer, and finally one to check to see if the printer had paper and laugh about how easy the solution was.

What do you call a guy with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows

What do you call a nice guy with hemorrhoids?

A stand up guy

Why didn't the art thief get away?

Because he didn't have to Monet to pay the Guy to make the Van Gogh.

How many guys in the friend zone does it take to light a light bulb?

None, they just stand around complimenting it, and get mad when it won't screw.

What do you call a guy with no arms and not legs laying on a porch?

Matt

What has 3 thumbs and was born near a nuclear power plant?

This guy

What's the difference between an Art major and a guy who mops bathrooms at KFC?

One has a job.

What do you call a guy that never farts in public?

A privet tutor

What did Pythagoras say about the pyramid scheme?

He just couldn't find the guys angle!

What is a guy who rubs bear toes called?

Rob...wait for it... erto! Rubeartoe!

What rock group has four guys and no singers?

Mt. Rushmore! Happy Presidents Day!

What is it called when a guy called Justin gets justice?

Justinice.

What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic?

A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog. Infinite Jest, by DFW

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs driving a car?

Rex (made this one up myself!)

What is a guy who hangs out with musicians called?

A singer

What do you call a happy cowboy?

A jolly rancher! Hahahahahahahahah you guys have no idea how alone I am.

What do you say to a guy with kidney stones?

Urine trouble!

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, a dyslexic, and an agnostic?

Some guy sitting up all night wondering if there really is a dog

How does a guy prove he's tough?

He jogs home after his vasectomy.. Fairly old, vasectomies may not be so bad any longer.

What has two thumbs and doesn't understand jokes that require a visual component?

This guy!

What do you call a guy with 15 rabbits up his arse?

Warren.

What do you call a guy with no legs at your front door?

Matt

What do you call a guy with a toe growing out of his knee?

Tony.

What did the otter say to the guy whose ankle he pooped on?

Spraint your ankle!" Just in case:

What do you call a guy who likes to hang out with musicians?

A drummer.

What do you call a guy who is afraid of Santa?

Claustrophobic!

What do you call a girl who expects a guy to do everything for her, make all the first moves, and text her first every day?

SINGLE

What did the Dalai Lama say to the guy in the kebab shop?

Make me one with everything.

What do you give the guy who has everything?

Penicillin

What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z?

They're not infallible

What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs, and sits in a pile of leaves?

Russell.

What do you call a guy who always phones people?

Colin.

What does a guy call his diabetic girlfriend?

Sweet Pee

What do you call a guy with no arms &amp no legs laying in a pile of leaves?

Russel

Where do you guys stand on the cheese debate?

I'm staunchly pro-volone.

What is a pirates favorite article of clothing?

His sc*aaarrrr*f Edit: I get it guys, you all have better punchlines than me.

Why did the guy not draw a circle?

Because there was no point.

What did the Machop say to the guy who was giving him a hard time?

You're really bustin' Machops!

What exactly had the "NOW That's What I Call Music!" guy been listening to before?

Sound FX CDs Whale noises

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

What do you call a guy that's lost his car?

Carlos

What did the guy from Northern Canada have to say about the place?

He wanted Nunavut.

How do you know if a guy was in the Navy SEALs?

Don't worry, he'll tell you.

Why are you guys all sitting on the same side of the table?

DaVinci

What did earth say to the other planet?

You guys have no life!

Who has one thumb and isn't allowed to use the table saw anymore?

This guy.

What did the calculus student who failed his test and the guy who got a speed ticket have in common?

They didn't know their limits

Why isn't the guy who wrote "Danger Zone" and the Saved by the Bell theme very active on social media?

He forgot his Loggins

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs floating in the water?

Bob

What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

Why did the guy at the trainyard get struck by lightning?

He was an excellent conductor

What do you call a guy in a suit sitting in a tree?

Branch Manager

What did earth say to the other planets?

You guys have no life!

What is the best Vitamin for friendship?

B1. Because no one wants to be friends with a guy in a metabolic coma due to a thiamine deficiency.

What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs hanging over a window?

Kurt and Rod

What do ya call a bunch of guys breaking into a music store and helping themselves to the stringed instruments?

Luters.

What's the difference between a guy falling from the 20th or the 1st floor of a building?

20th floor fall goes: *Aaaaaah, BAM!* 1st floor fall goes: *BAM, Aaaaah!*

Why'd the guy panic and call 911 when he realized an ocean was forming around him?

It was an emergent sea.

What is the name of the guy with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows.

What the hell is an Ovechkin?

The guy says "It's a White Russian with no ice and no cup!"

What do you do if your bank account stops working?

Throw the guy out of the house.

Why are there no guys named William serving in the army?

Because they dislike the phrase "Fire at Will"

You might also enjoy:

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

What did Neo say when Morpheus said: "You've been living in a dreamworld Neo"?

I noe

Where do space monsters live?

In far distant terror-tory.

Yellow House Jokes More Yellow House Jokes
5 Jokes More 5 Jokes

What time is it in New York City?

5 past Lundqvist

Why can't there be a League of Legend's team of 5 Lucians?

Because you can't have a team with only 3 champions.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between Iceland and Ireland?

A consonant.

What's the difference between a ruble and a dollar?

One dollar

Football Team Jokes More Football Team Jokes

Who's the biggest joke on the football team?

The PUNter

Why was Cinderalla thrown out of the football team?

Because she ran away from the ball.

Mercede Jokes More Mercede Jokes

Why did the rich guy crash his car?

He wanted to see how the Mercedes bends

Whats the difference between a guy who has a new Mercedes and a guy who has an old Mercedes?

The guy who has a new Mercedes is rich. The guy who has an old Mercedes has been rich for a longer time.

Warden Jokes More Warden Jokes
Riddle Jokes More Riddle Jokes

Why are riddles about trees so hard?

Because they always leave you stumped!

What is the one riddle that everyone gives up?

The riddle of life!