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What do you call a guy that's lost his car?

Carlos

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Why did the guy take his (computer) tablet to the cemetery?

Because it was dead.

Who's the nicest player in the NFL?

Drew Brees. The guy's a saint.

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What do you call a Mexican who's car got stolen?

Carlos.

What did Carlos the fireman name his twin newborn sons?

Jose and Hose B.