Guy Jokes

What's the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team?

The guy would survive the first round.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

How many guys in IT does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to identify that the lightbulb has indeed burned out, and one to call the maintenence man to change the lightbulb.

What did Obi-Wan Kenobi say to the guy at the liquor store?

Only a Sith deals in Absolut.

Why did the guy give up connecting his controller to his Xbox?

He was syncing too much time into it.

What do you call a guy who works out regularly?

Jim.

What has two arms and 14 legs?

Guy who collects legs.

What's a magazine?

Asked every guy under 30.

What do you call a guy with a shovel?

Doug

Who's the nicest player in the NFL?

Drew Brees. The guy's a saint.

How bad is my career?

I met a homeless guy on the beach in Los Angeles & thought "Wow this guy has it made"

What do you call a guy who pretends he can speak French?

A francophony

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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What did the guy with bad internet get?

What's the difference between a guy with a vasectomy and a guy without a vasectomy?

There's a vas deferens.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, who hangs out in your pool?

Bob

How many guys does it take to open a beer?

None, it should be open when she brings it to you.

Why can't a guy see his friends?

Because he's married.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?

Bob.

What do you say to the guy who just jumped in the septic tank?

Urine over your head!

What did the guy who got fired for always being late say?

It was just a matter of time.

What do you get if you mix up together an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac?

A guy who is up all night wondering if there is a dog.

What do you call a guy that used to fight in the ring, but quit it all for video games?

An ex-boxer.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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What is the definition of 'making love'?

Something a woman does while a guy is f***ing her.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the ocean?

Bob

Why did the IT guy want to be an astronaut?

So he can find router space.

What has eight legs and an IQ of forty?

Four guys watching a baseball game.

What would you guys like to ask an American?

Nevermind they'll just tell you anyway

Why wouldn't Kurt Cobain let you charge your phone at his house?

The guy likes his power chords too much.

What did the guy who didn't like vegetables say?

I don't really carrot all for vegetables.

Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus?

At the end of the day I'm just a guy in a bikini on the bus.

Why can't iron oxide get a date?

Porque es FeO Little bilingual chemistry joke for you guys.

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a lake?

Bob

Why did the guy get fired from the orange juice factory?

He couldn't concentrate

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your front door?

Matt

Why did the guy take his (computer) tablet to the cemetery?

Because it was dead.

What if we gave people enough for three fries?

Guy who invented ketchup packets

What happened to the guy who cooled himself to -273.15 C?

He was 0K.

What do you call a guy that steals burgers?

A hamburglar!

What is something that basically stops when you stare at it, but flies by when you don't?

There are two answers: Time and Boo (from Mario games).

What did one triangle say to the other triangle about the square?

Look out for that guy, he's got another side to him.

What do you call a guy who does not fart in public?

A private tutor.

What do you call a guy stuck in the same job for 30 years?

A four term US senator.

What do you call two guys using the same urinal?

Peers

How often do you guys close your internet tabs?

One of mine is from the Kerry/Edwards campaign.

When a coworker tells everyone he proposed, I'm the guy that asks, "So, what did she say?

I'm funny that way.

What does an IT guys use for birth control?

His personality.

What does a guy want more than anything in the world?

It doesn't matter. He has to ask his wife first.

What do guys like but are afraid of?

Girls

What happend to the guys who kidnapped Batman?

They got Bale.

What do you guys think of message boards?

I'm all forum.

What happens when you mock the host of Diners, Drive-In's, and Dives?

The guy gets fierious.

What do you call it when guys find older women unusually attractive?

The Stunning-Cougar Effect.

What are you guys yelling about?

Them: YOU'RE DRIVING

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?

They say he made a mint.

Did you hear the one about the guy with the broken hearing aid?

Neither did he.

Two guys walk into a bar...

The first guy says "Ouch!" and the second says "Yeah, I didn't see it either."

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President Jokes More President Jokes

Which bird ran for President?

H. Ross Parrot

Which president was famous for his long pauses?

Ellipsis S. Grant.

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on?

Anything you want. He can't hear you.

Why was Darth Vader upset when he heard George Michael will only play new songs at his concerts?

He found his lack of Faith disturbing.

French Jokes More French Jokes

What did one dehydrated French guy say to the other?

What do we do now, Pierre

How does French cheese expire?

From age

Bonjour Jokes More Bonjour Jokes

What did one French Guy say to another French Guy?

Bonjour, je m'apelle Guy aussi!" ("Hello, I am called Guy as well!")

Warden Jokes More Warden Jokes

11 Jokes More 11 Jokes

What's DJ Khalid's favorite number?

11, because it has another one.

Why was 11 afraid of 12?

Because 12 13 14!

Basketball Team Jokes More Basketball Team Jokes

Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.

Why was Cinderella kicked off the basketball team?

She kept running away from the ball

Car Jokes More Car Jokes

What do you call the action where a dead guy falls out of a car and you have to put him back in?

A rehearsal

What do you get if you cross a Green Lantern, a car and an atheist?

Willing suspension of disbelief.