Why did the IT guy want to be an astronaut?

So he can find router space.

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How many paranoids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Who wants to know?

What did the CPU say to the RAM?

Sorry to cache you out but I want the data closer. The RAM replied: you're right, "life" is too short.

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What do you say when you find two banana peels together?

A pair of slipper

What did the pig say when it found a fly in its soup?

Yum Yum.

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What has two arms and 14 legs?

Guy who collects legs.

What do you call a girl who expects a guy to do everything for her, make all the first moves, and text her first every day?

SINGLE

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Why do astronauts bring their phone into space?

Because they can get 4g

Why don't astronauts keep their jobs very long?

Because as soon as they start they get fired.