Why can't a guy see his friends?

Because he's married.

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Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

How bad is my career?

I met a homeless guy on the beach in Los Angeles & thought "Wow this guy has it made"

Why did the blonde go to church?

B/c she heard there was a guy hung like this(https://riverchurchtelford.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/jesus.jpg)

Friend Jokes More Friend Jokes

What will it be for you, my friend?

The vendor asks. "Make me one with everything"

Why didn't Princess Diana have very many friends on Xbox Live?

All she does is stay on the dashboard.

Marry Jokes More Marry Jokes

What did the one melon say to the other melon?

We're too young to marry. We cantaloupe.

Why couldn't the watermelon get married in Vegas?

Because his fiancee is a cantaloupe!