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Why can't a guy see his friends?

Because he's married.

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Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What happened to the guy who ingested helium?

He became enlightened.

Who were the participants?

Guy: ' The owner, the cop and me. '

Friend Jokes More Friend Jokes

Who's there! Arnold! Arnold who?

Arnold friend of yours is a friend of mine!

What's the difference between Limburger cheese and my friend Ted?

One is white and stinks, and the other is cheese. (As told to me by the UPS guy)

Marry Jokes More Marry Jokes

What's black and married to my daughter?

Nothing because I'm a good parent.

What's the opposite of running away and getting married?

Anteloping.