Marry Jokes

What is a dad joke?

Punchlines that got married and settled down.

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Why did the man marry a monkey?

Because he wanted a PRIME-MATE! sorry...sorry twice if this is an old joke

Why didn't the melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe...

What did the pastor say when informing two fruits that they couldn't marry?

No, you cantaloupe.

Why couldn't the watermelon get married in Vegas?

Because his fiancee is a cantaloupe!

Why can't Ray Charles see his friends?

Because he's married.

Why did the bee get married?

Because he found his honey.

Why didn't the melons get married in Vegas?

Because they cantaloupe. This joke was brought to you by Dads inc.

Why couldn't the man marry the melon?

It was a cantaloupe.

When two ants want to run away and get married, who do they seek for help?

The Antelopes.

What do you call it when a really large number marries a small number?

A Ranged Marriage

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What do you call a pop star that marries Rowan Atkinson?

Avril Labean

What would Al Pacino be called if he marries Daenerys Targeryen?

Khal Pacino.

Why do honeydew melons have to get married in a formal ceremony?

Because they cantaloupe.

Why do people get divorced in the holiday season?

Because they Marry Christmas!

Why don't married men live as long as single men?

They don't want to!

What did the melon say to his daughter after she tried to get married?

You cant-elope!

Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends?

Because he's married.

What do you call a fruit that won't get married?

A Cantaloupe.

What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before getting married?

Feyonc

Why was the farmer disappointed when he tried to marry his prized melon?

Because the minister wouldn't marry the two, since a melon can't elope!

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What kind of fruit can't get married?

A Cantleope

Whats the only fruit that can't run away to get married??

A Cantaloupe.

Which fruit wanted to run away and get married, but couldn't?

Cant-elope

What do you call two fruits that can't get married?

Cantaloupes

What do you call a man that marries another man?

A minister! Courtesy of a patient.

What does bread do when it wants to get married...?

It e-loaf-es!

Why don't house painters wear wedding rings on the job?

Nobody wants to marry an underemployed alcoholic.

Why did the woman marry the shoe maker?

Because she was his sole mate.

Why can't the two melons get married?

I don't know but they cantaloupe.

Why should the Roman Catholic Church allow priests to marry?

They would have a more detailed understanding of what Hell is actually like.

What was Boaz like before he got married?

Ruthless.

Why won't the honeydew marry the watermelon?

Because they cantaloupe..

Why did the bride and groom get married in a hot tub?

So that the bride wouldn't get cold feet.

What fruit can't get married?

CANTELOPE

Why did the psych ward escapee never get married?

He had a fear of commitment

What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Antelopes

What did Jay-Z call Beyonc before they were married?

Fiance

What type of fruit is not allowed to get married?

Cantaloupe...

Why did Albert Einstein marry his cousin?

Because she was his relative

Why is the bride always sad on her wedding day?

Because she doesn't get to marry the best man.

What do you get when ant's parents won't let him marry his girlfriend?

Antelopes.

How did Einstein prove you can break the law of relativity?

He married his cousin.

Why can't Stevie Wonder see his mates?

Because he's married.

What do you call 2 algebraists who marry?

Prime mates

What did Jay-Z call Knowles before getting married?

His biance

How can you tell two people are married?

Both are yelling at the same kid.

What's the opposite of running away and getting married?

Anteloping.

Why couldn't the melons run away and get married?

They cantelope.

Why don't people get married in North Korea?

Well, all marriages are legal in North Korea, but no one has them because there's no rice to throw.

What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?

Ruth-less.

How did the fruits get married?

They Cantaeloped!

What did Jay Z call his girlfriend before they got married?

His Feyonce.

What candy do you give your wife before you get married?

Pre-nup brittle.

What does a gamer say when he get married?

GG.

What's black and married to my daughter?

Nothing because I'm a good parent.

Why do married men love golf so much?

Because it's not the same three holes over and over again.

What's the best day of the week to marry your gaming console?

Wednesday

Why couldn't the melon couple run off and get married?

Because they can't elope.

How is being married like puttin' on a tin roof?

If you don't nail her good she'll be at the neighbors.

What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married?

Feyonce.

Why didn't Count Dracula get married?

He wanted to remain a bat-chelor.

How does one turn a fox into a pig?

Marry her.

Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends...?

Because he's married.

What did the commitment averse monster truck announcer say to his girlfriend when she asked him, "When are you going to finally ask me to marry you?

SOMEDAY ###SOMEDAY! ###SOMEDAY!!

Why don't you get married?

Me: I've never been that hungry.

What happened when the two angels got married?

They lived harpily ever after!

What are ants called when they run away very fast to get married?

Ant-elopers.

What did Jay-Z call Beyonce before they got married?

Feyonce

Why cant Ray Charles see his friends?

Because he's Blind Married

What kind of fruit isn't allowed to get married?

A cantaloupe.

Why don't penguins ever get married?

They always get cold feet!

What did Jay-Z call Beyonce before they were married?

Fiancee

How long have we been married dear?

Me: How dare you try and sneak maths into this.

Why couldn't Stevie Wonder see his friends?

Because he was married.

Why did the chicken marry the crocodile?

Because Croc-a-doodle-doo is a good family name.

Why did the Polish person marry someone from the other side of the country?

Because opposite poles attract

Why do men want to marry a virgin?

To avoid criticism and comparison.

Why did the moon marry the sun?

Because the sun is hott.

Why couldn't Ray Charles see his friends?

Because he was married

What happened after the ugly man married the beautiful blonde?

They had a wedding reception.

When Arwen and Aragorn got married... was Frodo designated to be the Ring bearer?

Edit Thanks KikifounUnui... not my main language TT

Why is it so important to fruits to get married?

Because they cantaloupe.

Why did the two boa constrictors get married?

Because they had a crush on each other!sna

How do rain drops marry?

They coalesce

Why do divorced men get married again?

Bad memory.

Why is a bride always out of luck on her wedding day?

Because she never marries the best man.

Why did the Geometry major marry a Brit?

Because she was a cute angle.

What do married people do for fun?

Get divorced.

Why doesn't the melon get married?

Because it cantaloupe.

When two bears asked a pastor to marry them in the forest, what did he say?

Hold on, let me get my bear rings.

What did the one melon say to the other melon?

We're too young to marry. We cantaloupe.

What do you call a fruit that isn't allowed to marry?

A cantelope

Why can't a guy see his friends?

Because he's married.

Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away?

1) Get away or I'll call the police!!! 2) I love you and want to marry you and have your children.

What do you call it when you dream about getting married?

Bed wedding.

What do cows do after they get married?

They go on their honeymoooooon!

Whatever happened to the bedbugs who fell in love?

They got married in the spring.

What did one Melon say to the other after it was asked marry it?

We Can't Alope

Why can't watermelons get married?

Because they cantaloupe!

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How do you get a Mormon to stop drinking all your booze?

You invite two of them.

What does Batman take with his drinks?

Just ice

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

Where is the safest place to stay at Ferguson?

The public pool, if it is too crowded try the library.

What if weight loss supplements ads are just made by British people really transparently trying to scam you?

You'll lost 30 for only $42.82! Guaranteed.

Marry Woman Jokes More Marry Woman Jokes

What do call a cup when drank from by a married woman?

A Mississippi cup.

Condiment Jokes More Condiment Jokes

Why is ketchup married to mustard?

Cause ketchup accidentally broke the condiment.

What do you call a sinking ship full of condiments?

Sinko de Mayo

Settle Jokes More Settle Jokes

How do two black boards settle their dispute?

They chalk it out

How was my engagement the same as my divorce?

In the end, I settled.

Prime Mate Jokes More Prime Mate Jokes

What did the Gorilla call his first wife?

His prime-mate!

Why did the man marry a monkey?

Because he wanted a PRIME-MATE! sorry...sorry twice if this is an old joke

Single Bar Jokes More Single Bar Jokes

What do all men at single's bars have in common?

They're married.

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?

They're married.

Old Joke Jokes More Old Joke Jokes

What's the difference between an old joke and a new one?

Nothing. We're on reddit

What do you call an old joke which someone has put on r/jokes?

A historepost.