Marry Jokes

When two bears asked a pastor to marry them in the forest, what did he say?

Hold on, let me get my bear rings.

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What did the one melon say to the other melon?

We're too young to marry. We cantaloupe.

How long you two been married?

It's been thirt- (wife shaking head) teenish twenty- (still shaking) for a long time.

What do you call a fruit that isn't allowed to marry?

A cantelope

Why can't a guy see his friends?

Because he's married.

Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away?

1) Get away or I'll call the police!!! 2) I love you and want to marry you and have your children.

What do you call it when you dream about getting married?

Bed wedding.

What do cows do after they get married?

They go on their honeymoooooon!

Whatever happened to the bedbugs who fell in love?

They got married in the spring.

What did one Melon say to the other after it was asked marry it?

We Can't Alope

Why can't watermelons get married?

Because they cantaloupe!

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Why didn't the melon get married?

Because it can't elope.

Why was Ygritte happy she didn't marry Jon Snow?

Because she didn't want six inches of snow all year long.

Why don't tennis players get married?

Because to them love means nothing.

How did the telephones get married?

In a double ring ceremony!

How do you get a blonde to marry you?

Tell her she's pregnant.

What's the best part about marrying a farmer?

You get to grow old together.

How do you turn a fox into a whale?

Marry her.

Whatcha watching?

Me: Tiny Houses. 9: Wow it's tiny! Who's gonna live there Me: Two people. 9: Are they married Me: Not for long.

Why did Bobby Fischer marry a woman from Prague?

He was looking for a Czech mate.

Where did you marry?

HIM: Maui ME: Oh, sowwy! Where did you mawwy her

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What do you call two spiders who just got married?

Newlywebs.

What type of fruit is impossible to marry?

Cantaloupe

Why don't you marry her?

Dentist: I can't afford to. She's my best patient.

Why was the fruit really upset he had to get married in a big church?

Oc Because he cantaloupe.

Why did the stoner go to the chapel?

To marry Jane

What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

Surname

Why don't melons marry on a whim?

They cantaloupe.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why do we all marry?

Because romance is not the only element of life, we should also know horror, terror, suspense, irony, stupidity and tragedy of life!

Why did Yoda never get married?

Because when he was standing by alter, and asked "If he would take this women as his lawful wedded wife " His response was "Do I "

$Your Age Is Only Math$

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How can a woman make you a millionaire?

When you marry her as a billionaire.

Why did the melon get married in a church?

Because he was in love with a cantaloupe.

Which fruit can never get married?

Melons, because they can'telope.

Why did the left shoe marry the right?

Because they were "sole"-mates

What would you do if I died?

Husband: I would go crazy Wife: Would you re-marry Husband: Ah, not that crazy..

What do you call fruits that aren't allowed to marry?

OC Cantaloupes.

Why did the 280-pound girl marry the 400-pound man?

She wanted a big wedding.

Why couldn't the melons secretly get married?

Because they were cant elopes

Who was Tupac married to?

His Thug Wife.

Why do tennis players never get married?

Because Love means nothing to them.

What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

What do bunnies do when they get married?

Go on a bunnymoon

Why do so many people in the South get married?

Free shotgun

Where do rabbits go after they get married?

On a bunny-moon.

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Minister Jokes More Minister Jokes

Why was the farmer disappointed when he tried to marry his prized melon?

Because the minister wouldn't marry the two, since a melon can't elope!

What do you call a man that marries another man?

A minister! Courtesy of a patient.

Fruit Jokes More Fruit Jokes

What kind of fruit is also a vegetable?

Elton John in a coma.

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

Single Bar Jokes More Single Bar Jokes

How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?

At the circus, the clowns don't talk.

What do all men at single's bars have in common?

They're married.

Well Jokes More Well Jokes

What is a better name for cows?

Lawn mooers! My 12 year old sister made this up... She out dad joked me..and I'm a dad!

Dad Joke Jokes More Dad Joke Jokes

Where do salt lovers go to pray?

OC The taberNaCl. (Sorry..) (X-posted to dad jokes.)

What do you call something that's impossible due to physics?

Physics-ly impossible. There's your dad joke for the day.

Fridge Jokes More Fridge Jokes

Why did the boy fall off the bike?

Someone threw a fridge at him.... Gold

Why is the fridge shaking so much?

It's running just fine. Probrably because it's so turned on!

Disappoint Jokes More Disappoint Jokes

Why were the people in the Twin Towers disappointed on 9/11?

They ordered 2 pepperoni pizzas, but all they got were 2 large plains.

Why was the dyslexic rabbit disappointed when he received the solid gold bar he had ordered via the internet?

He thought the ad said '24 carrots'

Marry Woman Jokes More Marry Woman Jokes

What do call a cup when drank from by a married woman?

A Mississippi cup.