What can a yakuza do for living when he doesn't want to hurt people?

Tattoo master

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

How many movie directors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done everyone thinks that his last lightbulb was much better.

What did the Australian grandmaster say to the banker, when asked what he wanted to exchange?

Check, mate!

People Jokes More People Jokes

What do you call a mummy that hates other peoples cooking?

Gordan Ramses

Who are all these people Twitter wants me to follow?

Has the fail whale been stalking me. Help, stranger danger!

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

What do you call a horse that lives next to you?

A Neigh-bor. Sorry for my horrible dad joke.

Why is Santa Claus so jolly?

He knows where all the naughty girls live. I actually heard this in the video game LA Noire. Thought it was pretty funny so I bust it out every Christmas.

Hurt Jokes More Hurt Jokes

How did the aliens hurt the farmer?

They trod on his corn.

What is ISIS?

They are Radical!!! Please don't hurt me....