Ketchup Jokes

What happens when you run away from tomatos?

They ketchup.

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What is Walter White's favourite brand of ketchup?

Heinz-enburg.

What happens when you mix mustard and ketchup together?

It's must-up..

What did the bun say to the hot dog?

I relish the fact that you've mustard the will to ketchup to me!

Why did the mayonnaise win the running race?

Because the tomato sauce couldn't Ketchup.

What did the mother tomato tell the baby tomato when the baby tomato was walking too slow?

Honey, walk faster, KETCHUP!

Why is PC the mustard race?

Because consoles can't ketchup.

What do you call pasta with ketchup?

Spaghetto Ba-dum tss.

What do you tell a slow tomato?

What Ketchup

What is the question most frequently asked by a philosopher?

Would you like ketchup with your chips

What kind of baseball do burgers play?

Ketchup baseball!

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Why did the chip chase the sauce?

To ketchup Edit: I'm sorry

Why don't I have a boyfriend?

God: I sent you one, you dumped him for putting ketchup on his steak. Me: Ah. That's right. Gross.

What do you call a drawing of Ketchup?

Sketchup

What does Ramen and Ketchup taste like together?

Poverty.

Why are your eyes covered in ketchup?

I'm often asked by people: "Why are your eyes covered in ketchup " So I tell them it's because Heinz sight is 20/20.

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Philosopher Jokes More Philosopher Jokes

What do you call the man with a lisp who drowned?

A philosopher. Cuz he's a deep thinker.

How many philosophers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It depends on the definition of lightbulb.

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

What do you call a woodland elf without any connecting plastic bricks to play with?

Legolas

Why didn't I play in the Woman's world chess championships?

Because I ran

Console Jokes More Console Jokes

What's the worst thing about owning a console?

Memories of your dad leaving you are in 30fps

What's a police officers favorite console?

Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U. Edit: Gee Wilikers Batman I've got 151 upvotes yayyyyyy.

Mayonnaise Jokes More Mayonnaise Jokes

What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator was opened?

Close that damn door! Can't you see I'm dressing??

What did the mayonnaise say to the refridgerator?

Close the door, I'm dressing!

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happens when you put your grandma on speedial?

You get Insta-Gram

What happens to a drunk vampire?

They get a fangover.

Mix Jokes More Mix Jokes

What do you get when you mix olive oil, lemon juice, rosemary, thyme, salt, pepper and marijuana?

Cheech Marinade!

What do you get when you mix /r/Pokémon and /r/gonewild?

PP up

2020 Jokes More 2020 Jokes

Who do you see winning the presidency in 4 years?

I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision.

What do you think you're going to be doing in 5 years?

Me: I dont know, I dont have 2020 vision

Chip Jokes More Chip Jokes

How did the lawyer chip his tooth?

The ambulance slammed on its brakes.

What's the difference between a bag of chips and a duck with the flu?

One's a quick snack and the other's a sick quack!