Why couldn't the philosopher make a living?

He made no sense. I tried, I really did.

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What do you get if you cross a tarantula with a rose?

I'm not sure but I wouldn't try smelling it!

What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?

An ingestigation

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What do an eagle and a mole have in common?

They both live underground, **except for the eagle.**

What will people say when Prince Charles dies?

Long live the Queen.

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Why are we here?

Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions

What do you call a group of philosophers?

An argument.

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How do you get an elephant into a Safeway grocery bag?

You take the "S" out of safe and the "F" out of way. One of my all time faves. If you say it out loud it will make sense

What do you love most my natural beauty or my body?

Wife: Your sense of humor.