Philosopher Jokes

What do you call a group of philosophers?

An argument.

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Why does the philosopher have an automatic car..?

Because he Kant drive Immanuel.

How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Well it depends on what you mean by change.

What do you call a philosopher that kind of wants to play soccer?

Socrates

What time do philosophers like to visit the shopping mall?

At the Schopenhauer.

Why couldn't the philosopher make a living?

He made no sense. I tried, I really did.

How do philosophers shave off their beards?

Occam's razor

What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic?

A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog. Infinite Jest, by DFW

How many philosophers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It depends on the definition of lightbulb.

How many philosophers does it take to......change a light bulb?

Define "light bulb".

Why are we here?

Me: Philosophers still don't know 5: No, why are we HERE Wife: Your dad is lost and won't ask for directions

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

How do you get a philosopher off your porch?

Pay him for the pizza.

What does an insomniac, philosopher, atheist, dyslexic do at night?

Lay awake, contemplating the existence of Dog.

Why Do Philosophers Have Such Good Teeth?

Because they philos all the time!

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Philosopher Favorite Toy Jokes More Philosopher Favorite Toy Jokes

What's a philosophers favorite toy?

Plato

What was the philosopher's favorite toy growing up?

Playdough.

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

Why don't matches play baseball?

One strike, and they're out.

Which four-member rock group doesn't sing or play music?

Mount Rushmore.

Grow Jokes More Grow Jokes

Why is the capitol of Ireland growing so fast?

Because the population is always Dublin.

Why did the excluded tree grow?

To be long.

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What do you call a menagerie of dogs with overactive bowels?

A Shih Tzu.

How did the dog feel when he lost his flashlight?

Delighted.

Cure Jokes More Cure Jokes

What did the smoked salmon say after it realised it was no longer ill?

I'm cured!

How do mathematicians cure constipation?

They work it out with a pencil.

Karl Barx Jokes More Karl Barx Jokes

What's the most influental animal rights philosopher?

Karl Barx

Socrate Jokes More Socrate Jokes

What do Socrates and John Snow both got in common?

Neither knows a thing. (from another forum)

What do you get if you cross Socrates with a dentist?

A flossopher!

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

Why aren't you allowed alcohol on a golf course?

Because it's a crime to drink and drive.

Why does the philosopher have an automatic car..?

Because he Kant drive Immanuel.