What time do philosophers like to visit the shopping mall?

At the Schopenhauer.

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Which would you like, a piano or a motorcycle?

Yes." (Yamaha)

What do you get when you cross a ghoul and a vampire?

A hemogoblin. I came up with this during lecture after a dyslexic moment, thought someone may like it.

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What did the Russian soldier say when he held his newborn sibling in his hands for the first time?

You're my brother in arms!

Why doesn't anyone ever add Paul Walker on Xbox?

He spends all of his time on the dashboard.

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Why do Chinese tourists get disappointed when they visit America?

Because when they buy souvenirs they find out they were made in China.

What's the best time to visit your Chinese dentist?

Tooth hurty

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What do you call a group of philosophers?

An argument.

How do philosophers shave off their beards?

Occam's razor

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What time do philosophers like to visit the shopping mall?

At the Schopenhauer.

What do you call a disaster that only affected shopping malls?

A catashopic.