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Visit Jokes

Why did the tourist visiting Mexico bring Prolax and pepper spray?

They prevented Hispanic attacks

Birthday State of Mind

Birthday State of Mind

What did the surfer say when he visited Syria?

This place is totally radical!

Why do Americans like to visit Rome so much?

Because it reminds them of home.

How's your visit in North Korea?

Can't complain...

What do you get when you visit the dentist with a dollar?

Buck-teeth!

What did the gardener yell when his vegetarian friend visited?

Run Berry, run!

What do an Iraqi baby, an American president, and a homesick Brit visiting Jerusalem all want?

They all want either pees, peace or peas in the middle east.

Why did the vegan zombie visit the coma ward?

Because it only ate vegetables.

What do you get when you breed an elephant with a rhino?

A visit from the university board of ethics.

Why didn't you visit Chad?

Cause he wasn't my Niger.

Why do New Yorkers like to visit Minnesota?

Because that's where the mini apple is!

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

What time do philosophers like to visit the shopping mall?

At the Schopenhauer.

What do you get when you mix a cat and a blender?

A visit from the cops.

What is a Jamaicans favorite country to visit?

Yeahman

How does a blond cross the road?

A brunette is on a busy street across from a department store she needs to visit, and is looking for an intersection to cross over when she spots a blonde walking out of the store. The brunette waves and calls out over the traffic noise, "hey there! How do I get to the other side?" The blonde looks confused and calls back, "you ARE on the other side!"

Why did the cookie visit the doctor?

He was feeling a little crummy.

What were the Virgin Islands called, after Chuck Norris visited them?

The Islands

Why should you not visit the Ukraine with your fly unzipped?

Because if you don't, Chernobyl fall out!

What can you tell a black kid to do?

Go visit his family tree.

Why do Chinese tourists get disappointed when they visit America?

Because when they buy souvenirs they find out they were made in China.

Who's winning Went to visit my Granddad. He was watching a basketball game. "What's the score Gramps?

92 to 86." "Who's winning " I asked. "92"

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Everyday Deserves a Joke

Why did the rapper visit the urologist?

Because his flows were so sick.

Where does he visit first?

Crimea River

Why don't nervous vegans visit Germany?

They fear the wurst!

What ward does Sauron visit in the hospital?

ICU

What did JFK say before going to visit Marilyn Monroe?

I choose to go to Marilyn's hotel room this night and do the naughty things, not because she is easy, but because I am hard.

How do you know when a white girl recently visited her friends grave?

There's Starbucks next to the headstone.

What does Rob Schneider say when he visits Canada?

Yukon do it!

What's the best time to visit your Chinese dentist?

Tooth hurty

Which wiki do dyslexic pastry chefs claim to be trying to visit before getting arrested?

Www.filopedia.org

Why did the programmer visit the city tour?

Because they were handing out guides for the deaf.

$Your Age Is Only Math$

Your Age Is Only Math

Where do black people stay when they visit Alaska?

A nigloo

When an ape visits his tailor what kind of a suit does he order?

A zoo-t suit!

Why did Walt Disney visit a mechanic?

He wanted to get his Car tuned

What country do cows love to visit?

Moo Zealand!

Why would an alien ever visit Roswell?

Fill in the blank or answer the question.

How can you tell if a dinosaur is visiting your house?

His tricycle will be parked outside.

What do you call 5 black guys around 1 white guy?

A family friend paying a visit.

What city will Leo Dicaprio never visit?

Osaka.

Why shouldn't you wear loose fitting shorts when visiting Ukraine?

Because Chernobyl fallout

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Breed Jokes More Breed Jokes

How many pandas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Technically, just two, but it is really hard to get them to breed in captivity.

What type of dog did the tweaker have?

A pure bred meth lab.

Elephant Jokes More Elephant Jokes

Why can elephants swim - and aardvarks can't?

Aardvarks don't have trunks!

Why can't the little girl color the elephant in her coloring book?

Her arms are amputated.

Coma Ward Jokes More Coma Ward Jokes

Why did the vegan zombie visit the coma ward?

Because it only ate vegetables.

Remind Jokes More Remind Jokes

Why was the Texan afraid of the clock?

Because it reminded him that time was moving forward.

What does a burning Mexican farm smell like?

Tacos. Overheard an old man telling another guy how he lost his farm in Mexico, and how the smell reminded him of tacos.

Grocery Store Jokes More Grocery Store Jokes

Why do grocery stores double-bag everything?

Like why don't you just make bags that are twice as strong

What did the boy buy at the grocery store?

Too Bad, I'm not telling you!

American President Jokes More American President Jokes

Which American president was not guilty?

Lincoln, he was in a cent

Which American President was least guilty?

Abraham Lincoln. He was in a cent.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What does Garry Newman want to be when he grows up?

Garry Oldman.

What's one thing a man doesn't want to hear the morning after?

Yes, I'm completely sure.

Dollar Jokes More Dollar Jokes

How can you be sure you have counterfeit money?

If it's a three-dollar bill you can be sure.

What's the relationship between the pound, the dollar, and the ruble?

A pound of rubles is worth one dollar.