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Visit Jokes

Why did the tourist visiting Mexico bring Prolax and pepper spray?

They prevented Hispanic attacks

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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Everyday Deserves a Joke

What did the surfer say when he visited Syria?

This place is totally radical!

Why do Americans like to visit Rome so much?

Because it reminds them of home.

How's your visit in North Korea?

Can't complain...

What do you get when you visit the dentist with a dollar?

Buck-teeth!

What did the gardener yell when his vegetarian friend visited?

Run Berry, run!

What do an Iraqi baby, an American president, and a homesick Brit visiting Jerusalem all want?

They all want either pees, peace or peas in the middle east.

Why did the vegan zombie visit the coma ward?

Because it only ate vegetables.

What do you get when you breed an elephant with a rhino?

A visit from the university board of ethics.

Why didn't you visit Chad?

Cause he wasn't my Niger.

Why do New Yorkers like to visit Minnesota?

Because that's where the mini apple is!

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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Couple's Daily Question Mug

What time do philosophers like to visit the shopping mall?

At the Schopenhauer.

What do you get when you mix a cat and a blender?

A visit from the cops.

What is a Jamaicans favorite country to visit?

Yeahman

How does a blond cross the road?

A brunette is on a busy street across from a department store she needs to visit, and is looking for an intersection to cross over when she spots a blonde walking out of the store. The brunette waves and calls out over the traffic noise, "hey there! How do I get to the other side?" The blonde looks confused and calls back, "you ARE on the other side!"

Why did the cookie visit the doctor?

He was feeling a little crummy.

What were the Virgin Islands called, after Chuck Norris visited them?

The Islands

Why should you not visit the Ukraine with your fly unzipped?

Because if you don't, Chernobyl fall out!

What can you tell a black kid to do?

Go visit his family tree.

Why do Chinese tourists get disappointed when they visit America?

Because when they buy souvenirs they find out they were made in China.

Who's winning Went to visit my Granddad. He was watching a basketball game. "What's the score Gramps?

92 to 86." "Who's winning " I asked. "92"

I Love Pizza & You

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I Love Pizza & You

Why did the rapper visit the urologist?

Because his flows were so sick.

Where does he visit first?

Crimea River

Why don't nervous vegans visit Germany?

They fear the wurst!

What ward does Sauron visit in the hospital?

ICU

What did JFK say before going to visit Marilyn Monroe?

I choose to go to Marilyn's hotel room this night and do the naughty things, not because she is easy, but because I am hard.

How do you know when a white girl recently visited her friends grave?

There's Starbucks next to the headstone.

What does Rob Schneider say when he visits Canada?

Yukon do it!

What's the best time to visit your Chinese dentist?

Tooth hurty

Which wiki do dyslexic pastry chefs claim to be trying to visit before getting arrested?

Www.filopedia.org

Why did the programmer visit the city tour?

Because they were handing out guides for the deaf.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

Where do black people stay when they visit Alaska?

A nigloo

When an ape visits his tailor what kind of a suit does he order?

A zoo-t suit!

Why did Walt Disney visit a mechanic?

He wanted to get his Car tuned

What country do cows love to visit?

Moo Zealand!

Why would an alien ever visit Roswell?

Fill in the blank or answer the question.

How can you tell if a dinosaur is visiting your house?

His tricycle will be parked outside.

What do you call 5 black guys around 1 white guy?

A family friend paying a visit.

What city will Leo Dicaprio never visit?

Osaka.

Why shouldn't you wear loose fitting shorts when visiting Ukraine?

Because Chernobyl fallout

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Grocery Store Jokes More Grocery Store Jokes

What's the difference between the grocery store and a math book?

In a math book I can buy 57 papayas at $1.99 each and no one will care.

What's your favorite song?

Me, to a baby wearing a Metallica shirt at the grocery store.

Eat Jokes More Eat Jokes

Why did Microsoft go straight from Windows 8 to Windows 10?

BECAUSE SEVEN ATE NINE *drops mic*

Why did Microsoft skip Windows 9 and go straight to 10?

Because seven "ate" nine.

Charlie Sheen Jokes More Charlie Sheen Jokes

Where does Charlie Sheen shop?

At Winners.

Who's the best person to invite over for Christmas?

Charlie Sheen. Because you know it's GUARANTEED to be a white Christmas when he's around.

Complain Jokes More Complain Jokes

Where do the Russian separatists go to complain about their lives?

Crimea River

How many black metalheads does it take to change a light bulb?

100. 1 to change the light bulb and the other 99 to complain about how the old light bulb was much better.

Bring Jokes More Bring Jokes

What does a vulture bring onto a plane?

Carrion luggage

Who was the best actor in the Bible?

Samson he brought the house down!

Surfer Jokes More Surfer Jokes

When is the only time when No shirt no shorts no shoes gets you service?

If you're a surfer and you're getting head.

Which kitchen appliance do surfers dislike most?

The micro wave.

Middle East Jokes More Middle East Jokes

Why is the middle east the best place to open a store at the moment?

Because business is booming.

What do you call Call Of Duty in the middle east?

Tuesday

Rome Jokes More Rome Jokes

Why did Hannibal invade Rome?

OC Well it was kinda hard to avoid, what will all roads leading there and what not.

What's the best city to search the World Wide Web in?

Rome.