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What did the handyman do... when he got his girlfriend in bed with him for the first time?

He screwed, nutted, and bolted.

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

What does a psychologist wear to bed?

A Freudian slip.

What came first?

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many mitochondria does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they're the powerhouse of the cell.

How many friendzoned guys does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they'll just keep complimenting it and get mad when it doesn't want to screw.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What time do monkeys poop?

Tree turdy.

How does a witch tell time?

With a witchwatch.

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

What's the difference between Pokémon go and my girlfriend?

Pokemon Go always goes down on me

What do locking the keys in your car and getting your girlfriend pregnant have in common?

Both can be solved with a coat hanger

Nut Jokes More Nut Jokes

What does a robot do after a one night stand?

He nuts and bolts

What did the pirate say when he had a steering wheel down his pantaloons?

Arr! It's driving me nuts!

Handyman Jokes More Handyman Jokes

What does the handyman who has no legs wear on his head?

The handycap.

What did the handyman do... when he got his girlfriend in bed with him for the first time?

He screwed, nutted, and bolted.

Bolt Jokes More Bolt Jokes

Why did the bolt in the ceiling have to go to therapy?

Because it was screwed up!

What did one bolt of cloth say to the other bolt of cloth after hurting its feelings?

I'm sari.