Nut Jokes

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are a dollar fifty. Deer nuts are always under a buck...

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What's the best trade a palindrome has ever made?

A nut for a jar of tuna.

What animal do psychiatrists bring in to mental hospitals to help patients with social anxiety?

Squirrels they're the best at getting nuts out of their shells.

Whats the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are $1.99 deer nuts are under a buck

What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand?

He nuts and bolts.

How can you tell that truckers like nuts?

They always have pecans! (Read aloud)

Why did my friend get a screw in her pizza?

She is allergic to nuts.

Which nut could pimp the Prince of Darkness?

Mack-a-Dameon.

How many nuts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A Brazilian

What's the difference between America and cereal?

You can get cereal without nuts.

What did the psychiatrist say to the patient that showed up wearing Saran Wrap and nothing else?

I can clearly see your nuts!

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What is the most well educated type of nut?

Macademia.

What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are a dollar twenty five, deer nuts are under a buck

What did the pirate say about the steering wheel in his pants?

Arrg, it's driving me nuts!

Why type of nut do Wallflowers like?

Walnuts

What did the pirate say after his first-mate stuck the wheel in his pants?

ARGHH! You're driving me nuts!

What does a doughnut have in common with a nut?

They dough nut have anything in common.

What's the difference...?

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a dollar and deer nuts are just under a buck.

What do you call a donkey throwing nuts?

An astronaut.

What kind of nuts go on your feet?

Cashews.

What did the bolt say to the nut?

Washer? I don't even know 'er!

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What did the pirate say after he pulled a steering wheel out of his pants?

It's driving me nuts!

What did the pirate with the steering wheel in his pants say?

Argh it's driving me nuts!

What do you call a robot that doesn't support his children?

Nuts and bolts

What is a Pokemon's favorite kind of nut?

A Pi-cashew

How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb a tree and act like a nut.

What do robots do on a one night stand?

He nuts and bolts

What did the Psychiatrist say to the naked man wrapped in surran wrap?

Well I can clearly see your nuts

What did one nut say to the other?

Nut-thing!....

What are the cheapest kind of nuts?

Deer nuts, they're under a buck.

What does a mechanic do during a 1 night stand?

He screws, nuts, and bolts

What the hell is a steering wheel doing there?

The pirate replies: "Arr, it's been driving me nuts"

What sounds do nuts make when they sneeze?

Cashew

Why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?

The pirate says, "I don't know, but it's driving me nuts!"

Why is a psychiatrist like a squirrel?

Because they are both surrounded by nuts.

What did the pirate with a steering wheel in his pants say when he couldn't remember why it was there?

Arrrh, it's driving me nuts

Which nut is the angriest?

The pistachio.

What did the psychiatrist say to the man wearing nothing but Saran wrap?

Well, I can clearly see your nuts.

What does a nut say when it sneezes?

Cashew.

What did the pirate say when he had a steering wheel down his pantaloons?

Arr! It's driving me nuts!

What did one nut say as he chased another nut?

I'm a cashew!

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Plastic Wrap Jokes More Plastic Wrap Jokes

What did the Psychiatrist say to the man who walked in wearing nothing but plastic wrap?

I can clearly see ur nuts.

Dollar Jokes More Dollar Jokes

What the hell did you expect for ten dollars?

Lobster

What is the difference between a dollar and a ruble?

A dollar.

Beach Jokes More Beach Jokes

What do you call tiny waves that wash up onto a beach?

Microwaves!

What do you call a pig on the Beach?

Bay-Con

Toilet Jokes More Toilet Jokes

Why did the little boy flush a pencil down the toilet?

Because it was a Number 2.

What did Mr. Spock find in the toilet?

The Captains log

Beer Nut Jokes More Beer Nut Jokes

What's the difference...?

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a dollar and deer nuts are just under a buck.

What's the difference between beer nut and deer nuts?

Beer nuts will cost you about $1.25. Deer nuts are under a buck.

Drink Jokes More Drink Jokes

Why did the hipster burn his tongue?

Because he drank his coffee before it was cool.

What does Batman get in his drink?

Just Ice

Cost Jokes More Cost Jokes

How much did is cost the pirate to get his ears pierced?

A buck-an-ear.

How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?

A buccaneer.

Peanut Jokes More Peanut Jokes

Why do you have rashes every time you get your salary?

Employee: I am allergic to peanuts.

Why did the peanut go to jail?

He was a-roasted peanut.