Psychiatrist Jokes

What did the Psychiatrist say to the man who walked in wearing nothing but plastic wrap?

I can clearly see ur nuts.

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How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the light bulb really has to want to change.

What animal do psychiatrists bring in to mental hospitals to help patients with social anxiety?

Squirrels they're the best at getting nuts out of their shells.

How do two psychiatrists greet each other?

You are fine, how am I?

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but only if the lightbulb really to change.

Why was the magnet seeing the Psychiatrist?

Because it was bipolar.

How many psychiatrist does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but it takes a really long time, and the lightbulb has to want to change...

How does a psychiatrist like his sausages?

Freud

How many psychiatrists dose it take to change a light bulb?

One, but the light bulb has to want to change.

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?

Because the 'p' is silent.

Why did the witch go to the psychiatrist?

Because she thought everybody loved her.

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Why did the magnet go to the psychiatrist?

He was bipolar.

What did the monster say to his psychiatrist?

I feel abominable.'

Why was the landlord seeing a psychiatrist?

He had an apartment complex.

How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but the light bulb has to *want* to be screwed in.

Whats the difference between the psychiatrists and the patients at a mental hospital?

The patients are the ones who eventually get better and get to go home.

Why is a psychiatrist like a squirrel?

Because they are both surrounded by nuts.

What do you know when you see three rabbits walking down the street wearing tuxedos and top hats?

You know you need a psychiatrist!

How many psychiatrists does it......take to change a light bulb?

0, the light bulb has to want to change itself.

What's the difference between a psychiatrist and his patients at the mental hospital?

The patients are the ones that get better and get to go home.

What do they call an affair with a psychiatrist?

A psychiatric tryst.

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Because they can't break the ice.

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What's the difference between a psychiatrist and his patients at the mental hospital?

The patients are the ones that get better and get to go home.

Whats the difference between the psychiatrists and the patients at a mental hospital?

The patients are the ones who eventually get better and get to go home.

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What did Jesus say to the flock of sheep?

I herd that.

What did the farmer say when the townspeople told him all of his cows were in town..?

I herd.

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What happens when a cow stops shaving?

It grows a Moostache.

What does a cow measure its harddrive in?

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Why was the tree in prison?

Because it broke every branch of the law.

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What did the newsletter say to the other newsletter when he asked for help?

Bro sure!

Why did he refuse help?

He was in The Nile