Act Jokes

Why didn't Mark Hamill go crazy while voice acting as the Joker?

Because he overcame the dark side

Everyday Deserves a Joke

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What do you call the act of press-ganging someone into a monastery?

Force of habit.

Why can't an IT guy be a doctor?

Nurse: Doctor, the patient's life support is acting strange... Doctor: Have you tried turning it off and on again?

What do auditioning for an acting role and playing sports have in common?

If you break a leg, you get cast

How did the florist act after getting her dream job?

Got so excited she wet her plants.

Why was Pinocchio acting drunk?

He couldn't handle his lacquer

What's the difference between Bono and Jesus?

Jesus didn't walk around Dublin acting like he's Bono.

What did the black kid get on his ACT?

BBQ sauce

What do you call 2 ducks who walk like, act like, and believe they are geese?

A paradux

What's the difference between a politician and an actor?

One acts solely for money, the other is the actor.

How many members of an identifiable group does it take to perform a common task?

A certain number! One to actually perform the task, and the rest to act in a manner stereotypical of the group.

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How many members of a certain demographic group does it take to perform a specified task?

A finite number: one to perform the task and the remainder to act in a manner stereotypical of the group in question.

What's wrong honey?

My bad knee is acting up again. *knee robs a gas station*

Why did the dad say the joke instead of act it out?

Because it was cheesier said than done.

What did the mother turkey say to her naughty son Tom?

If your dad knew how you were acting he'd roll over in his gravy

How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb a tree and act like a nut.

What do you get when you cross dancing and an act of god?

Deus Ex Macarena

What would happen if you crossed Magilla Gorilla with a Saint Bernard?

It would drink the brandy it would carry and act like a big Gorilla!

Why did the magician always use trap doors during his act?

It was juts a stage he was going through.

Why did the computer act crazy?

It had a screw loose.

What do you call it when one musician abuses another?

An act of violins.

I've Got a Whole Latte Jokes

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Why does the monster act wild and crazy on his birthday?

He's trying to age disgracefully!

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Monastery Jokes More Monastery Jokes

How many people does it take to change a lightbulb in a monastery?

Nun.

What did the Gregorian monk say when he was kicked out of the monastery?

Give me one more chants!

Leg Jokes More Leg Jokes

Why did the dinosaur walk on two legs?

To give the ants a chance.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in your swimming pool?

Bob

Vietnamese Jokes More Vietnamese Jokes

What do you call imitation Vietnamese noodle soup?

Faux.

Why is it good that the Vietnamese man won first place?

It's a Nguyen-win situation.

Ceo Jokes More Ceo Jokes

What did they say to the CEO who raise minimum wage to $70,000?

Price is right!

How many startup CEOs does it take to change a light bulb?

Change a light bulb Pfft! We are game changers.

Cast Jokes More Cast Jokes

What does a Mexican wizard use to cast magic?

A Juand

What is an injured persons favorite movie?

Cast Away

Juan Jokes More Juan Jokes

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan.

How many Spanish people does it take to change a light bulb?

Just Juan.

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

What did the man say when he accidentally bumped into the astronaut?

I Apollo-gize

Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?

Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

Redneck Jokes More Redneck Jokes

What does NASCAR really stand for?

Non Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks