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What did the right testlcle say to the left?

Look at this guy in the middle trying to act all hard

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Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why did the emo kid leave the bar?

It was happy hour.

Why is Monica Lewinsky going to vote Republican this year?

Last time she tried Democrat it left a bad taste in her mouth.

Middle Jokes More Middle Jokes

Why was the virgins' wedding during the middle of the week?

Because Wednesday is hump day.

Whats the similarity between Monkey in the Middle and Football?

Both of the groups that are concered about the health of someone playing both begin with the letter P.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Why was the UKIP voter angry?

Because he didn't like the look of the Poles (for this to make sense, pretend the UK election hasn't happened yet)

What would you like today?

Me: Make me look attractive. Barber: CAROL! CANCEL ALL MY APPOINTMENTS!

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

How many tries did it take to find out if Lance Armstrong was ticklish?

One testtickle

Why doesn't Jesus enjoy manicures or pedicures?

Because they always try to mess with his nails.

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What do you call a guy with a shovel?

Doug

Why did the guy kick the broom out of his house?

It swept with his girlfriend

Act Jokes More Act Jokes

What do you call it when one musician abuses another?

An act of violins.

How many members of an identifiable group does it take to perform a common task?

A certain number! One to actually perform the task, and the rest to act in a manner stereotypical of the group.